Can You Inherit Your Happiness Quotient (HQ)?

The short answer is yes.  Children of happy parents have a much higher chance of being happy themselves.  Conversely, children who watch their parents suffer may also suffer.  However, some are lucky enough to realize that they want something better.  When that switch occurs, they are rewiring their observed patterns of thoughts, feelings and actions in the family system and setting something completely different into motion.  In all cases, the children have their parents to thank for their HQ.

It is important to understand that we are not sentenced to the same prisons as those who came before us.  That realization alone is enough to spark an entirely different set of patterns in the family system. 

Many cultures are centered around strict codes of conduct where members feel like the only way to belong is to adhere to all the rules.  Such rules, when blindly followed can bring about unhappiness and a limited sense of self.  Freedom is often obtained when they step outside of the prescribed codes.  They realize that their limitations are inherited mindsets, not realities.   

In systemic work, using constellations, limiting patterns are quickly revealed along with their origins and impacts.  Often clients have a keen sense of which pattern needs to stop.  This shows up in their frustrations and sadness.  The patterns that are trying to emerge in this system are frequently expressed in the client’s desires and dreams. 

Hellinger says, “Happiness takes courage”.  What he means is that blindly following a set of multigenerational rules or patterns can keep us stuck and small.  Sometimes it requires the courage to start a new way of thinking, feeling and being in order to grow.  Imagine that.  Our happiness is created by our own conscious thoughts, feelings, and actions.  When we do so, we quite literally begin to rewire our brains.  Now the systemic pattern is no longer our predictable future.  We are in fact, changing our lives and destiny.

Take 5 minutes to write down your biggest sadness, frustration, or limitation.  Now take another 5 minutes to write down your biggest dream and desire from that same area.  Ask yourself what would stop you from following your dreams and desires.  Chances are those answers are the patterns that echo in your system.  Finally, ask yourself if your desire for happiness is strong enough to pull you past all the excuses that keep you stuck. 

If your answer is no, you are probably entangled in a systemic trance that is stronger than your desire to move.  A systemic trance occurs when you blindly repeat a pattern in the family knowing that it won’t bring you happiness, yet it feels so familiar that you can’t resist.

When you stop making excuses for the way things are you will find yourself able to move and become invested in your happiness and future.  Now you can build your HQ.  Systemic work and constellations teaches you how to move out of the trance and into freedom and happiness.