Judy Wilkins-Smith

The Emotional DNA Journal

A Practical Guide to Moving Beyond Limiting Cycles and What's Holding You Back

screen_shot_2019-08-12_at_8.34.02_am.png

I teach and facilitate many workshops globally and watch people do the remarkable, become remarkable and change their lives. I am privileged to work with incredible businesses to help them shift into a higher gear. Two of the questions I am most often asked is: “We see the shifts during constellations. Some people change and keep going and others subside again. Why? The other question I am most often asked is: “Can you show me a practical way to shift that I can use on a daily basis. “

To answer the first question: It’s about choice. Some people choose the shift and invest in it. Others are still more invested in what has them stuck than what wants to emerge. Breaking a cycle is often exactly the same as becoming an athlete. You have to practice accurately and then tweak and repeat. Doing something one time and breaking a cycle can and does happen. We see this often during the workshops we offer but for most of us, it’s exercising that muscle relentlessly. I ask people: “If you do nothing where will you be two years down the line?”

Now to the practical piece. Breaking a cycle in a doable daily way. Here we access neuroscience in constellations. We are always making meaning of events or patterns and then using aligned thoughts and feelings to hardwire the meaning into our bodies. Often as the result of an event that upset us and put us on notice. If we do the same minus the fear or because of a remarkable experience we can achieve the same result. And if we start to invest the same energy into exploring and celebrating what we do right, then we achieve the remarkable.

Putting It Into Practice

To break a cycle remind yourself that you are willing to look.  This isn’t a blame game it’s called hunt the clues, connect the dots, seek the treasure, invest in the journey and go there. Practically speaking:

  • Sit down and look at something that has you stuck. You keep hitting that same thing.  
  • Write down everything you tell yourself about that.
  • Write down how you feel and identify where you feel that in your body.
  • Write down the actions you do/don’t take as a result
  • Write down everything you make this mean e.g. “I am not smart enough I will never succeed.”
  • Now think about what or who first-ever triggered that or something like that. Write it down.
  • Write down all the meaning you made of that event or the source of your feelings.
  • It might be an event or a multi-generation pattern. If it’s a pattern, ask yourself who said or did that first – for example – who said: “You can have love or money but not both.”? Or who might have said: “No one in our family becomes wealthy or successful.”
  • Now ask yourself does that meaning serve you? If not, can you lay it down or return it to its originator? Wanting more means you have outgrown this old pattern anyway. Return it with gratitude for lessons learned and feel the desire to be, do and have more. Dare to go there!
  • Look again at everything you say, do or don’t do and ask yourself: “Do I still want this?”
  • If the answer is no, then ask yourself what would you like to say, feel think about this?
  • Now start telling yourself a different story. Remember you teach your brain what you need it to know to serve you.
  • You are already doing this- mostly in a limiting way and living the results of your story.
  • Mindfully give yourself 3 new sentences to say each day and 1 new action to take that supports what you want. Feel it deeply for a few minutes each day and make it your truth.
  • Always go to bed and get out of bed thankful and optimistic. Your choices matter!

The remarkable thing is that if you follow this recipe, you cannot stay the same. You will be rewiring your neural pathways and breaking old cycles. Whoever said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks simply didn’t understand the brain!

If you want a different life then it’s time to give up those old cycles and the thoughts and feelings that make you unhappy and invest in what gives you purpose and joy. Guilt, frustration, and sadness bring poor returns. I have worked with too many people from all walks of life to think you can’t do it. They all did and you can too.

And if you want it to happen faster, please join me at one of my workshops. You have a remarkable life, if only you know how to see it!