Often, we are deeply loyal to the failure and suffering that may run generations deep in our family systems. It’s interesting how this loyalty to failure often makes us blind to the gifts that are also ours from our systems.
In systems, there are 3 principles that are entry and exit points for most of the issues and struggles we experience:
This means that we can often hold ourselves back in these areas—but we also can find our gifts in these areas too. In other words, what ails us sits right next to the solution to our happiness and fulfillment.
In your own experience, there are patterns that you picked up from your systems that are running in your own experience. Some might be causing you to suffer while others may be the key to your success.
There are two parts to these patterns: 1. the patterns that want to rest and may be generations over and ready to stop—and 2. the patterns that are trying to emerge—through you!
We are often so unconsciously entangled with the challenging patterns, that we cannot see the winning patterns that are right in front of us – trying really hard to attract our attention through our wants and desires. Life is truly remarkable if you only know how to see it.
Let me share two examples of unhealthy patterns which transformed once we took a systemic look to see what new pattern was trying to emerge.
I worked closely with someone who had struggled with money since they were a child. Another client was always sad and wanted very much to be happy, but was afraid it would cost her everything. For both, the common denominator was a family pattern around belonging.
In each case, events in their lives had created thoughts, emotions and actions that had them trapped and feeling their sense of belonging in an unhealthy way.
As we looked closer at these patterns, we could see that the ways in which they were stuck had begun generations before and cycled down through them. Their family history was becoming their likely future.
Now let’s take a systemic look at each one.
The money struggle. As a child, this person had been left alone but was able to find just enough money to be able to eat. History revealed that many family members had struggled to stay alive. The words they heard most were “Money is a struggle.” When they could notice, instead, that they were resilient, resourceful and creative, they could say “Money is always there for me.” Now rather than it being a struggle, money could become a desired friend. Through them, money could finally flow.
For the one who was always sad and afraid of losing everything, they were mostly afraid of losing their family if they were to be happy. A terrible event in the family generations before had resulted in the sentence: “We will never be happy again”—and everyone had quite unconsciously followed that declaration. They were all caught in a systemic trance. Breaking it might mean exclusion or not belonging. Acknowledging what had happened, they could do something to remember the event and agree to use it, with gratitude, as a catalyst for a good life. Their gift was to finally bring happiness back to the family system.
Being in these old patterns and places of doubt can be scary. We are stuck and often scared but we don’t know why. This indicates a pattern that’s trying to rest. Yet in that same place, our wonderful ability to desire more is the clue to the pattern that’s trying to emerge. That tug isn’t greedy or selfish – it’s the system’s way of trying to get you to grow. You may feel it as a heart’s desire to be, do or have more. That is the gift, your legacy, your voice and your destiny.
Often places of struggle indicate the system’s deep desire to create positive change in the system. Learn to love your struggles and your desires. They are the places that unlock your life!
Start your journey now by diving into my Flight of Transformation: Unleashing the Emerging Pattern workbook. If you’re traveling somewhere, download it and take it with you. Transformation could literally be a flight away for you. Click here to download the workbook now!