Empowering Chats: Rewiring Family Patterns

Rewiring Family Patterns

Ep#198 – Rewiring Family Patterns – An Interview with author and visionary leader, Judy Wilkins-Smith.

I am thrilled to welcome author and visionary leader, Judy Wilkins-Smith to this Empowering Chat. Judy is the author of, “Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint. A Powerful Guide to Transformation Through Disentangling Multigenerational Patterns.”

As I began this interview, or chat as I like to call it, with Judy my first question to her was: What is an emotional blueprint?  Here is how Judy explained it. An emotional blueprint gets created when a significant event happens in your life. This event is often followed by your personal reaction to that event. And in response, you create a story about it and often times it is coupled with strong feelings. Eventually the story becomes so much a part of you that it becomes your truth. And then it becomes, “The Truth.”  However, is it not really “The Truth” it is your truth.

Now imagine that significant event happened generations ago and is accompanied by all the cautionary tales and all of the “be carefuls” which are also part of the story. This gets passed down either through word of mouth within the family or through cultural stories. And people’s reaction to the story are seen by you and others in the family. The feelings are played out on their faces and their bodies. What many of us don’t understand is that these reactions get imprinted into the generational system and then get passed down as truths. These truths create patterns and behaviors that also get passed down from one generation to the next.

Recognizing the patterns for what they are and seeing what is not inherently yours can be the pivot point to making different choices and seeing the gift embedded in the DNA of your family. Judy is all about acceptance of these stories as they are not bad, good or ugly, but rather they can be informative and ultimately can be used to heal that old generational pattern that has been passed on for many years.

In a series of easy-to-understand steps, Judy’s book, “Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint” explains how you can uncover these Emotional DNA patterns and understand the limitations as well as the gifts they bring. Judy gives her readers assignments and investigative questions to ask themselves as they work to break the patterns and rewire the brain, allowing for transformation to occur.

Written for the beginner, as well as for those who want to take systemic work to the next level, the book reveals how every individual can change and heal their Emotional DNA and be transformed through this amazing approach.

Judy and I enjoyed connecting during this Empowering Chat and we both believe we are all here to evolve – I think that is more true than the statement that says, “We need to heal to become whole.” I believe we are already whole – we have all we need to succeed. What is perhaps lacking is the necessary insight to face those events in our lives that need to embraced and understood in a way that adds to the whole. By embracing it as a gift, I feel we can become more. Everything belongs.

To learn more about Judy and the visionary work she does please visit her website at:
JudyWilkins-Smith.com

To purchase Judy’s book, “Your Emotional Blueprint,” visit: JudyWilkins-Smith.com/products/

Judy also offers meditations and blogs on her website that I encourage you to check out.

To learn more about how I show up in the world please visit my website at: SusanBurrell.com

Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint

Judy Wilkins Smith Systemic Work & Constellations

Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint

self help speaker keynote motivational speaker

The emotional suffering we experience tends to close us up to insight about the problems we face. There may be more hope for solutions in looking at the broader context.

What is an emotional blueprint and does everyone have one?

An emotional blueprint is the compilation of patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions that we inherit from our ancestors who create emotional DNA in response to events that happen to them. The way they respond to an event and then pass down those responses is what I call emotional DNA; it creates an emotional blueprint for the way subsequent generations will respond to events or stimuli—until someone says they want more or different and mindfully starts to tweak or turn the current patterns, creating new emotional DNA.

Yes everybody has one, even those of us who do not know their history. To find it, look at the inexplicable patterns in your own behavior. They are often tied to that blueprint.

System Dynamics for Individuals & Organizations

Judy Wilkins-Smith – System Dynamics for Individuals & Organizations

Aired Thursday, July 29, 2021, at 5:00 PM PST / 8:00 PM EST

In 1966, Paul Simon wrote a song called “Patterns” and the lyric intimated that we are all born with fixed “patterns” that we cannot change. Is this true? Are there ancestral patterns of emotions, beliefs and attitudes that are inherited, just like DNA?

My guest this week on Vox Novus, Judy Wilkins-Smith, says that we may learn to recognize these patterns and change the “dynamic”, leading to healthier, happier, and more fulfilling lives. Judy Wilkins-Smith is a highly regarded organizational, individual, and family patterns expert, systemic coach, trainer, facilitator, thought partner, leadership conference and motivational speaker and founder of System Dynamics for Individuals & Organizations. She has 18 years expertise in assisting high performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives and their teams as well as legacy families, to break limiting cycles and reframe challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance. Her website is https://judywilkins-smith.com/ and she joins me this week to share her experience and methods.

Searching for Satya, the Girl with the Blue Ukulele

Episode 2—Searching for Satya, the Girl with the Blue Ukulele
 

In the second episode of the Searching for Satya series, Kelly talks with constellation therapy facilitator Judy Wilkins-Smith about her work with Sharon Barry to help find her lost daughter Tess (now calling herself Satya). Constellation therapy is a transformative process that explores the hidden dynamics and patterns in families that keep people stuck. On the show, you’ll hear about the incredible inside-out, multigenerational work this therapy does.

Ignite Your Patterns of Potential through Changing Your Emotional DNA

Our Inheritance and Our Imbalances

As a yoga practitioner, you know how important it is to discover and correct areas of imbalance and restriction in the body and then develop movement patterns that are fluid, balanced and supportive of both your practice and your movement through life. The same is true about discovering inefficient, unbalanced patterns of thought and emotion that you have inherited from your ancestors and family through your Emotional DNA.

Just like we inherit physical attributes from our forebears—brown or blue eyes, that mesomorph or ectomorph body type—science is now demonstrating that we inherit patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions. Epigenetics reveals that significant events can affect entire family systems far beyond the originally impacted family members. Intergenerational effects show up as patterns of success and failure in every area of our lives. This includes relationships, leadership roles, business, money, purpose, and emotional well-being. I call this multi-generational inheritance our Emotional DNA.

Understanding our Emotional DNA

While we can’t necessarily change our physical DNA, we can change our Emotional DNA. And the way we do this is by being willing to become aware of the patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions that no longer serve us—patterns which are often tied to frustrations and places where we are stuck. When we become aware of our limiting patterns and examine our family of origin to understand what those patterns are and how they got there, we can then choose what to keep and what to leave. Then we can mindfully design the life we want.

Take Leslie, for example. She has an extroverted, exuberant personality, but was born into a family of introverts who were constantly telling her to “calm down” and not be so “loud and excitable.” She was frustrated and wanted to shine and express her genuine self, but she also wanted to belong to the family and not be a constant irritant.

When we explored her family’s history, it turns out her Jewish grandmother had been a little girl in Poland during World War II. Her family had hidden for six months in the basement of a house belonging to a non-Jewish family before they could be smuggled out of the country to safety. The life of the entire family had depended on being quiet, and the trauma that had accompanied that experience was stamped onto future generations. Once Leslie understood what had happened, she could be sympathetic to the family pattern. But she also realized that her exuberance was a gift. Our frustrations and anxieties are often prompts by the family system for some pattern to change. If expressed with sensitivity, Leslie realized she had the opportunity to shift the family pattern and lift the pattern of silence for future generations.

Understanding our Inheritance

Or perhaps you’re plagued with money issues? I remember working with Jerry who was at his wit’s end about his finances. He wanted to be financially secure but was too afraid to even look at his money situation, let alone manage it. What he didn’t know was that the financial disasters that had occurred on both sides of his family tree had set patterns into motion that he was expressing. His mother’s parents had lost a lot of money through bad investments and his grandfather on his father’s side had been CEO of a large company who entrusted the financial dealings to an accountant who took all the money and ran. Jerry was born into a family whose money language contained sayings like the following.

 
  • We are not good with money.
  • People always lie, cheat and steal your money.
  • Spend your dollars before someone else does.
  • Even if you work hard and make money, you’ll lose it all.
  • Life is not about the money.

Do any of those thoughts sound familiar? No wonder Jerry was struggling with his finances! Once he was able to see how the inability of his predecessors to look at and interact with money as a friend had shut down the family finances and possibilities, affecting his relationship with money, he realized it wasn’t him. He could see how his appetite for wanting more was valuable and needed. It was telling him what the patterns of limitation were and how to move through them. He would be the one to desire money, welcome it, look at it and be a good steward of it in his family.

Armed with these insights, the old pattern was no longer his inevitable future. He couldn’t wait to go home and start relating to money differently. Within a year, his financial status had improved considerably and his wish list was only growing. How did he do that? By being willing to discover the old pattern and then embrace a new pattern with commitment. One new thought, one new feeling, one new action at a time.

Getting Started

The first step in consciously igniting your patterns of potential and activating the expression of new Emotional DNA is identifying where you feel stuck.

  • It is in the area of money?
  • Career? Relationship?
  • Do you experience an inability to connect?
  • A sense of not belonging?
  • Are you always taking care of others?
  • Do you take on too much responsibility?
  • Do you get to play and be light-hearted in life?
  • Or do you always feel burdened?

Determine what the biggest pain point in your life is and then bless it. It’s a messenger telling you it’s time to see the old pattern and move on. Then take the time to sit down and think about your family system in light of this issue. Ask yourself questions, such as the following.

  • Who else in my family deals with this same issue?
  • How far back does this pattern go?
  • What sentences and words do members of my family use that support this limited pattern?

journal to change Emotional DNA

Acknowledge the Patterns

If you’re adopted or have no family history that you’re aware of, don’t worry. The pattern is there in you. It came from someone, sometime, somewhere. Putting a name and a face on it isn’t necessary. How does the pattern show up in you? What negative/positive feelings/emotions do you experience around this issue? What limiting things are you constantly telling yourself about this? Write those words and phrases down. Acknowledge the pattern. Acknowledge the limiting thoughts and sentences that accompany it.

How to Replace Patterns

Now, what new pattern do you want to set in motion to replace the old? A very simple and empowering way to rewire the pattern in your mind is to take those old sentences in your head, write them down so you can see them and reframe them. For example, let’s use a couple of Jerry’s sentences above.

 
  • “We are not good with money” becomes “I handle money competently.”
  • “Life is not about the money” becomes “Money is a valuable asset for me to nurture.”

The next step is to feel that new thought. If your old thought is, “I’m worthless,” then get in touch with the energy of its replacement, which might be something like, “I have lots to offer myself and others.” What does that new thought feel like?

One highly effective process you can use to get in touch with feelings and issues around an old pattern versus new, is write down the old thought on a piece of paper and place it on the floor at one end of a room. Write the new thought on another piece of paper and put it on the floor at the other end of the room. Stand in between the two thoughts. Walk toward the old and see how you feel. Walk toward the new thought and check in with your emotions and body sensations. How does the new thought feel? What ideas pop in your head? What does your body feel like?

Revel in that new energy as often as you can.

Finally, decide upon one action you can take to set that new pattern into motion through shifting the expression of your Emotional DNA. It doesn’t have to be big. Even the tiniest movement in the direction of the new pattern increases its potency and potential. Play with it. Play with the sense of freedom that comes from knowing that most limiting patterns are simply old family dynamics that have outworn their usefulness and welcome. They’re not you and they do not dictate your future.

Show Me the Money

In Episode 2 we’re going to be focusing on a topic which, throughout the ages, has been worshipped, despised, lusted after, rejected, judged, misunderstand and misused. We’re talking, of course, about the single most desired and disdained of all human creations… money. More specifically, your money and your money DNA.

Money is not a commodity. It is a relationship. The strongest of taskmasters, money provides opportunities of every sort, teaching us many ways to grow and many ways to fail to grow. Money stimulates and reveals our deepest fears and provides the means for realizing some of our greatest joys. With our tacit agreement and alignment, both individual and societal, money largely determines where and how we live and interact in our world. And when our relationship with money is healthy, it supports us. When it is not, it seems to undermine our lives with a vengeance.

Judy Wilkins-Smith is an international organizational, individual, and family patterns expert. A systemic coach, trainer, facilitator, and motivational speaker she’s the founder of System Dynamics for Organizations and Individuals, which utilizes constellations to help performance individuals, fortune 500 executives and teams, families, and individuals decode their Emotional and Organizational DNA to break limiting cycles, resolve long standing issues, and transform challenges into lasting breakthroughs.

Apple Podcasts | Judy Wilkins-Smith | How to Stop Doing What you Don’t Want to do Anymore

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have a bad habit they’d like to get rid of. Maybe it’s getting angry at people they love, or procrastinating instead of taking action, or something like smoking, drinking or eating too much.

There’s one thing we never stop to realize. These bad traits are inherited, just like hair and eye color or facial freckles. It’s called emotional DNA and it’s a powerful an indicator of how we react to events. They can be passed on from generation to generation and one reason why we stay stuck in our lives without understanding why.

When we can definite our emotional DNA we can take steps to change it. This is the focus of our topic on this week’s Dream Power Radio with family patterns expert and facilitator Judy-Wilkins Smith, who explains:

•where emotional DNA comes from

•what things we carry from family member to family member

•the impact of our emotional DNA on society

•how to break the emotional DNA chain

•who else is impacted by their emotional DNA

If you see negative patterns in your life you want to change,

don’t miss this revealing episode of Dream Power Radio.

Judy Wilkins-Smith is a highly regarded international organizational, individual, and family patterns expert, systemic coach, trainer, facilitator, thought partner, leadership conference and motivational speaker and founder of System Dynamics for Individuals &Organizations. She has 20 years of expertise in assisting high performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives and teams and legacy families, to break limiting cycles and transform challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance.

Passionate about visionary leadership, human potential and positive, accelerated, global change, she uses her ability to understand critical dynamics in personal and organizational systems and the points at which they intersect, to create growth and success.

She is recognized as an expert trainer in the Systemic Coaching and Constellations approach which is widely used in top global companies to coach and problem solve innovatively.

She is widely respected for leading fearless transformation by showing how even the biggest train wreck is simply the doorway to the next incredible pathway waiting beyond brick walls.

Website: https://judywilkins-smith.com/

Go to Judy Wilkins-Smith’s website: https://judywilkins-smith and use the code EB100 to get a discount on her Emotional DNA workshop in March