The Magic of Purpose & Clarity

Purpose & Clarity

When people tell me they’re stuck and can’t find their purpose quite often what they are sharing is that they haven’t made something meaningful enough to commit to and invest in all the way.

Your old patterns and unconscious loyalties may be getting in your way. You see, that kind of purpose doesn’t have excuses or reasons to stop. It is strong and you find yourself plugging in until you get there and you are the one who chooses it. You make meaning of something that changes your life.  

Many people who make it, tell themselves something really important and builds a strong enough reason to bypass all their ‘buts’ and all the multi-generational patterns and focus on that one thing. Watch people in the zone. They are living their purpose. The bumps and hiccups are a part of the adventure and they know that. Every step grows their purpose in some way. 

By the way, you are always living a purpose but there are different levels of purpose and I will be sharing more about this in my advanced class on Purpose and Clarity DNA at Disney World.

One of the reasons people are so drawn to purpose is that they suspect that there’s something rather special about it and they are right. Purpose is the antidote to your cycles of limitation. It is one of the keys to a life you want. When you have a strong purpose nothing much will stop you. When everyone is looking at all the reasons something can’t happen, you are figuring out how it can

Purpose pulls you past all the limiting thoughts in your family, your organization, your community. It is in service of the bigger you and then you are in service of so much more. You find yourself wanting to share what you have learned or gained. You become the difference.

With purpose comes its companion, clarity. It can appear in a few ways. It might illuminate your purpose or the path to your purpose or help you gain clarity around the patterns and loyalties that may have lived in your systems for generations. You may find that you are having discussions you have avoided or you might see how your limitations were inherited from way back in the system and now it’s time for that to change through you. 

Finding your purpose begins with paying attention to what calls to you. Transformation always begins with wanting more and paying attention. If nothing has moved you then you might ask yourself what stops me from wanting or feeling. Once you pay attention and notice what keeps showing up for you that calls to your spirit and you make it mean something special, the game is on! 

Purpose demands a step beyond complacency, the couch, and the television. It stretches you and elevates you. There’s a mighty good reason that purpose is associated with endorphins. It’s a clue to the transformation you seek. 

At the Purpose and Clarity workshop, attendees will find out what stops you from finding your purpose and learn how to find it.

Break the patterns that keep you stuck and you breakthrough to your greatness.   

How big are you willing to be?

A Practical Guide to Moving Beyond Limiting Cycles and What’s Holding You Back

I teach and facilitate many workshops globally and watch people do the remarkable, become remarkable and change their lives. I am privileged to work with incredible businesses to help them shift into a higher gear. Two of the questions I am most often asked is: “We see the shifts during constellations. Some people change and keep going and others subside again. Why? The other question I am most often asked is: “Can you show me a practical way to shift that I can use on a daily basis. “

To answer the first question: It’s about choice. Some people choose the shift and invest in it. Others are still more invested in what has them stuck than what wants to emerge. Breaking a cycle is often exactly the same as becoming an athlete. You have to practice accurately and then tweak and repeat. Doing something one time and breaking a cycle can and does happen. We see this often during the workshops we offer but for most of us, it’s exercising that muscle relentlessly. I ask people: “If you do nothing where will you be two years down the line?”

Now to the practical piece. Breaking a cycle in a doable daily way. Here we access neuroscience in constellations. We are always making meaning of events or patterns and then using aligned thoughts and feelings to hardwire the meaning into our bodies. Often as the result of an event that upset us and put us on notice. If we do the same minus the fear or because of a remarkable experience we can achieve the same result. And if we start to invest the same energy into exploring and celebrating what we do right, then we achieve the remarkable.

Putting It Into Practice

To break a cycle remind yourself that you are willing to look.  This isn’t a blame game it’s called hunt the clues, connect the dots, seek the treasure, invest in the journey and go there. Practically speaking:

  • Sit down and look at something that has you stuck. You keep hitting that same thing.
  • Write down everything you tell yourself about that.
  • Write down how you feel and identify where you feel that in your body.
  • Write down the actions you do/don’t take as a result
  • Write down everything you make this mean e.g. “I am not smart enough I will never succeed.”
  • Now think about what or who first-ever triggered that or something like that. Write it down.
  • Write down all the meaning you made of that event or the source of your feelings.
  • It might be an event or a multi-generation pattern. If it’s a pattern, ask yourself who said or did that first – for example – who said: “You can have love or money but not both.”? Or who might have said: “No one in our family becomes wealthy or successful.”
  • Now ask yourself does that meaning serve you? If not, can you lay it down or return it to its originator? Wanting more means you have outgrown this old pattern anyway. Return it with gratitude for lessons learned and feel the desire to be, do and have more. Dare to go there!
  • Look again at everything you say, do or don’t do and ask yourself: “Do I still want this?”
  • If the answer is no, then ask yourself what would you like to say, feel think about this?
  • Now start telling yourself a different story. Remember you teach your brain what you need it to know to serve you.
  • You are already doing this- mostly in a limiting way and living the results of your story.
  • Mindfully give yourself 3 new sentences to say each day and 1 new action to take that supports what you want. Feel it deeply for a few minutes each day and make it your truth.
  • Always go to bed and get out of bed thankful and optimistic. Your choices matter!

The remarkable thing is that if you follow this recipe, you cannot stay the same. You will be rewiring your neural pathways and breaking old cycles. Whoever said you can’t teach an old dog new tricks simply didn’t understand the brain!

If you want a different life then it’s time to give up those old cycles and the thoughts and feelings that make you unhappy and invest in what gives you purpose and joy. Guilt, frustration, and sadness bring poor returns. I have worked with too many people from all walks of life to think you can’t do it. They all did and you can too.

And if you want it to happen faster, please join me at one of my workshops. You have a remarkable life, if only you know how to see it!

Looking at Burnout through Systemic Work and Constellations

Burnout plays a specific role in our lives, especially when we look at it through a systemic lens and through constellations.

The Mayo Clinic describes burnout as a special type of work-related stress — a state of physical or emotional exhaustion that involves a sense of reduced accomplishment and loss of personal identity.

Let’s explore burnout using the 3 principles present in all systems: Order, balance of give and receive, and belonging.

If any of these are out of whack, they can cause stress and distress. They can, however, also serve as clues to patterns that need to stop and new ones that need to start to advance beyond burnout. Sometimes the origins of burnout can be in the company, or even your family of origin. A pattern has outlived its current usefulness, and something needs to change.

Let me give you an example: A CFO is suffering from burnout. He is overwhelmed and physically and mentally exhausted. He says he has to ensure that the company and its members are taken care of and he finds himself re-checking everything his team does. In the last while, he thinks about taking any other job where he doesn’t feel like he has the blood of the company on his hands’. He doesn’t understand why only he sees the danger of becoming too complacent.

Notice the words he uses that seem inflated or charged. ‘Exhaustion’,’ Making sure the company is taken care of’, ‘have the blood of the company on his hands’; ‘danger in becoming too complacent.’ We might wonder what has created a sense of urgency and a heightened desire to take care of everything.

Systemically, by taking care of everything, he has made himself too big. We call that being out of order. You might find as a result that his team is also out of order. When people carry too much, they may experience burnout. When people are micro-managed, they may feel themselves to be un-useful or unworthy and too small and may leave.

The company history revealed that there had been an accident where several team members were killed. The official finding was reckless endangerment due to inadequate equipment. The CFO who had been in the role for a year was blamed for failing to approve its acquisition. Team leaders had told him the equipment was fine and he’d taken their word for it. His two successors each lasted a year. This CFO had been in the role for a year and was feeling overwhelmed and fearful. The accident was not ever discussed. It was ‘put behind them.’

In systemic work and constellations, we know that what you exclude, creates a pattern that expands and repeats. It can suddenly show up as dysfunction or fear in the system.

This CFO’s father had left home when he was young. He’d often felt overwhelmed by the enormity of the challenges he’d faced as the eldest of 5 siblings. He’d had to be big so they could survive.

As we talked, he could see how he’d had to be big for a long time and had always taken care of too much. Now that his siblings were grown up and successful and the company’s safety regulations had mandated the right equipment, he could see that in both situations it was time to stop holding it all and time to start sharing the responsibilities.  He could give both events a place in his heart as sources of wisdom.

Burnout is sometimes an elegant systemic clue that something in your life needs to change. It’s not the end of a road but rather a pivot point or portal to the chapter you were meant to write. When you understand that, burnout can shift you to a new direction or a fresh sense of purpose.

Putting It Into Practice: Beyond Burnout

Let’s see how we can use a constellation to explore a place where you may feel burnt out or overwhelmed and notice if you can shift just a little. Remember it may take a little time but with a willingness to look and new insights comes to a shift and you may be surprised by the results a one-degree shift can produce for you.

Get yourself some pieces of paper and a marker. We are going to use the floor to engage multiple senses and give you a heightened sense of what’s happening and show you how to shift just one degree.

Today I want you to write down the event that has pushed you into burnout or overwhelm.

  • Write down who or what belongs in this event. Each component should be on a separate piece of paper.
  • Place them on the floor in relationship to each other.
  • Now. This is a testing constellation. I want you to find the place that overwhelms you the most.
  • Then find the place that allows you to breathe easier
  • If possible, find a place that makes you feel hopeful or happy.

Now ask yourself:

  • When did this first start for you?
  • What was happening at the time?
  • What is your biggest fear? (this is the pattern that wants to stop)
  • What is your heart’s biggest desire? (this is the pattern that wants to emerge through you)
  • What one small thing might you do, think or say differently that might shift your mindset and the feelings in your body.
  • Write it down and place it beyond the other pieces of paper.
  • Now, see if you can move there and stand on that and notice what you tell yourself about that and how you feel.
  • Remember choosing this is the first step.
  • Accepting your choice is the second. That’s all you need to do for now.

Please feel free to let me know how this works for you. And of course, if you want to know more or explore this in more depth please reach out to me directly or attend one of my workshops. This year’s advanced class addresses Purpose and Clarity DNA and will be held at Disney World. Details can be found in the Workshops link above.

Systemic Transformation: What Is It and How Do We Do It?

Many of you have shared how your lives have changed since you started doing constellations work. You ask how to do more of that on a daily basis and you also ask what transformation really means. Seeing as transformation means so many things to so many different people, the second half of that question is a little harder, but I am going to answer both from a systemic perspective.

Have you ever felt that full-on body experience that gives you goosebumps? Perhaps you even felt like you were in an altered state, seeing and feeling things differently and at that moment you knew something had shifted. You may even speak of it as a time or event that changed your life. For all too many of us, this happens when we have an event that forces us to change and not always in what feels like a good way at the time. We will say in retrospect it was a good thing but having to change from shock or urgency isn’t pleasant nor is it necessary.

Conscious change carries a whole other level of transformation. In this space, we intentionally identify places we wish to change and the ways we want to feel and then actively go about making both happen. We switch from victims to co-creators and refer to this space as euphoric and life-changing. Why?

We get so caught up in our day to day life that we forget all that we are truly capable of creating and experiencing the remarkable. It’s not that we are closed-minded it’s that we may be closed-hearted and when the heart closes, so does the mind. When we hold strong points of view, we often don’t look for others, and so our point of view can become a reality for us. We may say: “I can’t do x, I am simply not smart enough, tall enough, pretty enough” and then that becomes the truth. Only, it’s really just your truth and you can change that any time you want to.

It’s when we deeply desire something or run out of excuses and mindfully open our hearts and actively look for and envision what we truly desire that everything changes. We create our own space in our systems, using our unique voices and it feels incredible, wonderful and right.

We find with systemic work and constellations, that you are able to create transformation where the right space exists when you are in a particular frame of mind, and when you consciously choose to change. To change, you first have to acknowledge your life exactly the way that it is without wishing for it to be different. You stop resisting and struggling and look. Now, you are free to imagine what’s possible and explore other options. Then you have to choose that path and follow it all the way to the conclusion. In neuroscience, they would say you are rewiring your brain. In constellations work, we say that you are rewriting your multi-generational histories and your futures.

Now. Transformation. When you open your heart, you can see possibilities. As you raise your consciousness or awareness, you are capable of profound and lasting shifts. Constellations make use of multiple senses and patterns to facilitate that. By dimensionalizing your inner image so that you can see it, feel it and interact with it, you shift from a head exercise to that full body-heart-mind experience that facilitates change and transformation. At that moment you are literally changing who you are. Your brain is rewiring. Your future is no longer repetition of your ancestral history. You are writing a new chapter.

We see students of systemic work returning to explore more layers of themselves and we see successful executives and organizations specifically requesting systemic coaches. They understand that transformation is a way of life, not a one-time thing and they recognize that the integrated human brain, heart and gut system is an emerging capability for humanity.

Daily Transformation

And this is the second part of your question. How do you create transformation daily?

As always, it’s time to grow your constellations insight just a bit more. And by the way, I love hearing from those of you who use these free exercises and let me know the results. Thank you. Keep the comments coming. Please also remember that transformation is no longer a woo-woo word. These days for successful people, it’s a must in their toolkits.

Today I want you to write down something that you would really like to do, that you know would grow you in ways that would make you happy and fulfilled and yet, you don’t do it. Then put that piece of paper down on the floor and just notice what happens as it lies there. What do you tell yourself about it and how do you feel?

Write down on separate pieces of paper:

  • Why I can’t do that
  • Who first told me I couldn’t do it?
  • Who told them they couldn’t do it?
  • What it feels like to not do what I really want to do
  • What it would feel like to do that thing and be really good at it
  • What it might cost me if I did it?
  • What it might cost me if I don’t?

Now place that thing you want to do on the floor and then place all the other pieces of paper around it in a way that feels right to you. (Trust your gut on this one. You have a better inner guidance system than you suppose.)  They represent the edge of the conscience that has you stuck. Stand on or near each one. Notice all the inner sentences that stop you and ask are they really true or have you made them your reason for not writing your own chapter? Remember, if you don’t, those who come after you can’t either.

Then stand on that thing you really want to do. No censoring. Just stand there and allow yourself to feel what that feels like. Feel it as much as you can.

Finally, ask yourself:

  • Is my desire to do what calls me, strong enough to get me past what tells me I can’t. If not, what steps do I need to put in place to create enough weight to move to the desire.

Remember if you are excited to learn more, or stuck and wanting to move ahead, there are workshops to assist you to do just that. Please explore my Workshops and join me for a life-changing experience.

Beyond Your Invisible Do’s and Don’ts

Often what stops you most in life are the invisible do’s and don’ts that keep you locked down. Let me explain. We are all part of many systems. Our family systems, the organizations we belong to, our sports communities, our religious communities. And each system has spoken and unspoken rules about the ways we belong, the place or order we inhabit, how much we should have and receive.

We know that cussing in church won’t get us any brownie points and praying in a bar might raise a few eyebrows. We shouldn’t get too big for our boots and we should give a lot and receive a little. In other words, we have a clear sense of the rules and instinctively adjust to each different system. In systemic work, we call this the conscience of the system. You might say it’s the edge of a system. The place you don’t go beyond. You will hear it in your own words – ‘I can’t do that; I will get into trouble. Or ‘My family won’t like that.’ These are words that tell us we know we’re going into bad conscience. In other words, we are going contrary to the current rules of the system.

In systems, we know that the only function of the conscience is to bond us to our groups. Ever noticed that we do some awful things like killing each other in a war in good conscience and yet we do some really good things when we step into what we call bad conscience.  In fact, this is quite a transformative place and our head, heart, gut, and neural pathways know it when we go there. Many times, we find ourselves wanting to hit the brakes even though we know this is going to grow us. It feels unfamiliar but…this is often the place where we begin to expand the system and write our own chapters. It’s a truly incredible place. Once you start stepping out of limiting patterns and into your own destiny, the incredible tends to unfold.

So, let’s talk about that place. I like to describe it as moving beyond the fences of a system. I worked with a client who came to see me because she was depressed, and she’d tried everything. As we spoke her tone was fairly flat. Her family life she said, was okay but boring. And then suddenly she lit up. I’d asked her about things she liked to do outside of work. And when she said, ‘I love to sing!’ her whole face just beamed. She told me her teachers and mentors said she had incredible talent but then she looked at me and said: “What a waste. I can’t do anything with it.”

I asked why not, and she said: “In our tradition, the daughter stays at home and takes care of the parents.” I asked what might happen if she were to do it differently and have a career in singing and still be able to care for her parents in some way? She insisted that it was not allowed. We spoke for a while and she described her parents as loving and kind, so I asked her to just have a little courage on her behalf and talk to her parents about her talent. She nodded and left promising to have ‘the talk’ but not convinced anything would change.

I received an email a few weeks later. Turns out her parents, immigrants to the U.S., had come here to make a new life, like so many of us do. Her mother had already taken the first steps in moving ahead and described to her daughter that it was difficult, yet right. They had moved here to give the children a different chance and were only too happy for her to take the next step. Notice how the mother said”: “It was difficult but right.” That’s the system asking to stretch through you. It can feel difficult and yet when we go there, we feel the weight off our shoulders and the possibility in our wings. I always remind my clients that this is not a selfish thing. To grow the system, it has to begin with each of us.

Putting It Into Practice: Beyond the Do’s and Don’ts 

As always, it’s time to grow your constellations insight just a bit more. And by the way, I love hearing from those of you who use these freebie practices and let me know the results. Thank you. Keep the comments coming. Please also remember that transformation is no longer a woo-woo word. These days for successful people it’s a must in their toolkits.

Today I want you to write down something that you would really like to do, that you know would grow you in ways that would make you happy and fulfilled and yet you don’t do it. Then put that piece of paper down on the floor and just notice what happens as it lies there. What do you tell yourself about it and how do you feel?

Write down on separate pieces of paper:

  • Why I can’t do that
  • Who first told me I couldn’t do it?
  • Who told them they couldn’t do it?
  • What it feels like to not do what I really want to do
  • What it would feel like to do that thing and be really good at it
  • What it might cost me if I did it?
  • What it might cost me if I don’t?

Now place that thing you want to do on the floor and then place all the other pieces of paper behind it in a row.  They represent the edge of the conscience that has you stuck. Stand on or near each one. Notice all the inner sentences that stop you and ask are they really true or have you made them your reason for not writing your own chapter? Remember if you don’t those who come after you can’t either.

Then see if you can step beyond them and stand on that thing you really want to do. No censoring. Just stand there and allow yourself to feel what that feels like. Feel it as much as you can.

Finally, ask yourself:

  • Is my desire to do what calls me, strong enough to get me past what tells me I can’t. If not, what steps do I need to put in place to create enough weight to move closer to the desire.

The Real Meaning Behind Difficult Events

Difficult events in your life aren’t train smashes or limiters, they’re portals, clues and pivot points!

As I write this blog, I am struck yet again by the numbers of people I hear say: “My life will never be the same again” or “I will always carry this with me.” Yes, that’s true—but it’s how you carry things with you, or how your life changes that matters.

We break a bone, it heals. There’s a scar and that bone will literally never be the same again. We are scarred for life but in a way that often strengthens that bone. Yet something happens to us emotionally, or even physically, and we label it as terrible and then suffer greatly, sometimes forever. Why?

The simple answer is that often we are looking through the lens of what we are told we should think and feel. It’s a multi-generational meta-pattern, but when we look through a systemic lens at patterns resting and emerging our perspective can change completely. We might ask:

  • Did anything like this happen to anyone else in my family?
  • If there is a pattern, is it one that’s trying to stop? Or is it a new one trying to emerge?
  • What is the hidden strength or information here? (And there is always both.)

Ever noticed how a heavy event cripples one person and launches the career of another? You can see that beautifully depicted in the film Saving Mr Banks. One thrives and the other crumbles. Why?

Systemic patterns are clues to what’s operating in our systems. Events create reactions which generate decisions, thoughts, emotions, language, actions, patterns and mindsets. Sound familiar? Here’s the kicker though, you get to decide how you will carry that scar. A scar, by the way, is simply a mark that shows an experience.

If you choose to suffer, it is a result of what you are making the event mean – or what generations of family or organizational members have made it mean. But if you choose to use it to thrive, something remarkable happens. The portal opens to a destiny. You use it as a pivot point and often your purpose is revealed. A new pattern can now emerge, and you are ready to write a remarkable chapter.

We are really good at suffering greatly, but do you dare to succeed incredibly? 

Today you get to look at a scar that limits you and see if you can find the systemic portal or pivot point from struggle to success.

Remember your systems are your gifts, not your curse. Your families, professions, groups are all designed to support you, once you know how to look. If you are ready to allow yourself to shift, scroll down to my freebie exercise, using a constellation, ofcourse, to look, feel and choose your shift.

Putting It Into Practice: Portals, clues and pivot points

Now for the constellations piece. We are, as usual, going to engage multiple sense and make the unconscious, conscious and the invisible, visible. Get yourself several pieces of paper that you can write on, a marker and a pen. Find yourself some floor space and take a few good breaths just to focus.

Today I want you to write down an event that you have never forgotten, something that may have felt like it scarred you, limits you and you carry that with you. Next, I want you to write down 2 things you tell yourself about that. Each on a separate piece of paper. Then write down 2 ways in which it limits you also each on a separate piece of paper. Place them on the floor in relationship to each other as it feels for you. Take that event you wrote down and place it in relationship to the other pieces of paper.

  • Stand on each piece of paper and notice what you feel or tell yourself.
  • Did anyone in your family ever experience a similar event or set of feelings?
  • Do you see a pattern and does this belong to you or is this a multigenerational event that you need to set down?
  • Do you see this as a limiter or something that makes you sad?
  • What meaning have you given this and how does it serve you?

Now ask yourself:

  • How might you turn this ‘scar’ into a strength?
  • How might your insights and pivot serve you and others?
  • How might this give you success and purpose?
  • For what do you owe this event thanks?
  • What one word or sentence might you use that writes a new chapter for you and your systems?

Finally:

  • Take that word or sentence and place it in relationship to the other pieces of paper and stand on that until you feel something shift for you.

Now you are rewiring the meaning you originally gave that event and if you do this fully and allow yourself to shift, your life is going to change!

Please feel free to contact me and tell me how this worked for you! Or attend one of my workshops where we will deep dive into systemic work and constellations. And sign-up for my newsletter to stay in touch.

Breaking the Systemic Trance and Multi-Generational Spell

Relationship DNA

People are a little surprised when I tell them that magicians, magic and spells are alive—and spells are cast every day and quite possibly you are under one too. Let me explain.

In the last two blogs, we spoke about orders and principles in systems. We also spoke about multigenerational patterns and systemic trances, the things that keep you stuck and limited. They often begin with inherited patterns that you accept as though they were the absolute truth when they are in fact, just your truth.

Teacher says: “Tammy, you are great at drawing but don’t ever speak in public. That’s not your thing, you stutter a little.” Tammy always loved speaking to people but the teacher knows best and so Tammy’s truth becomes that she is no good at speaking in public and she passes up any opportunity to do so.  When we look at her history we find that grandma and mom stuttered and now, so does Tammy. We call this a systemic trance – or as I said in the beginning – what the ancients probably referred to as a spell.

To break a systemic trance or a pattern, you first have to acknowledge that it exists, in the way it exists without wishing for it to be different. That doesn’t mean loving it. It just means acknowledging it. Now you know where ground zero is.

Once you acknowledge the pattern you will begin to notice how much it affects your life. It’s the ‘spell’ that has you stuck. And maybe generations of family or company members are stuck in a similar manner.

By having a deep desire for something different and feeling it and growing it, you begin to make a stronger case for yourself to be able to go there. Or– if the pull isn’t strong enough you see it as just wishful thinking and subside into the systemic trance or spell.

You do this all the time by the way. “I want to go to Hawaii on vacation. I’ve always wanted to travel and do something exciting but my mom and dad have always said this state has all we need. Never mind, I’ll watch travel channels. That’s good enough for me too. Maybe one day…”

And then there are the wonderful times when you exceed your inherited Emotional DNA and go the other way. “I want to go to Hawaii on vacation. I know Mom and Dad say this state has all we need but I have a deep desire to see a little more.” So off you go and before you know it mom and dad are along for the next vacation too. When you ask why they never went before they tell you that their parents couldn’t afford it and so they all did vacations close to home and saying “what’s in this state is good enough” was a systemic sentence they created so that everyone felt good and belonged.

When you change a pattern, it has an effect going back and forwards. You move the system in a new direction and many times the pattern that has become a limitation can now rest and a new one can emerge. Your heart’s desires are the system’s way of encouraging you to move beyond the limiting or redundant patterns that no longer serve the system. Sometimes a solution in one generation becomes a limiter in another. It has outlived its usefulness and it needs someone to change it.

You have just shifted from being limited in the same way, to doing things differently, remembering that everything that came before this has a place and a purpose and it led to you and to this moment of the switch. The systemic trance is broken and the ‘spell’ is no more.

Putting This Into Practice

Today I want you to write down a place where you feel really stuck or you keep bumping into the same brick wall over and over again. Put that onto the floor as a floor anchor – to make the invisible, visible and answer these questions:

  • When did you first notice you were stuck and how did that feel?
  • What did you tell yourself about that?
  • Is or was anyone in else your family stuck in the same way?
  • Are there family sayings or mottoes around this?

Now ask yourself how you would really like things to be and write that down and place it on the floor a little bit away from the first floor anchor. Stand on the first floor anchor and look at this new one and answer these questions:

  • How much do you want this?
  • What old pattern would it be breaking?
  • How might that change your life?

Final step still standing on the first floor anchor.

See if you can create a new thought and a new emotion strong enough to move you from where you are to where you want to be. When you feel that, allow yourself to move over to the second floor anchor and stand there. Now feel that and notice what thoughts and emotions you have at that new place.

If you keep investing in those new ways thoroughly, you will move out of the old systemic pattern and into a new neural pathway that you are creating consciously. Now you are breaking the old cycles and creating new Emotional DNA.

In our workshops, we take a much deeper dive into your systems, what makes them tick, how they affect you and how to change your life and dimensionalize issues and desires but this allows you to start getting a sense of your head, heart, gut and family systems working together. Good luck.

How Multi-Generational Patterns in Systems Shape Your Life

Science shows that your brain is shaped and changed by your choices about your experiences every day. This is referred to as neural plasticity. Understanding what lives in your systems, beginning with your family system, can help you to change patterns, increase happiness, health and success.

Now, the theory piece. How does my ability to choose play out in theory?

What are multi-generational patterns in systems?

Patterns aren’t created by events in your life but by your decisions and actions about them. Events trigger reactions, thoughts and emotions that lead to decisions and actions. You create words, phrases and actions to support those decisions and they become mindsets or patterns. You think this is the truth when in fact it is just your truth.

Take it a step further. Your primary pattern maker is your family and your pattern may actually be a multi-generational one. (Remember you inherit your emotional DNA). Over time details of events fade but patterns get stronger until someone sees them and decides to change the Emotional DNA.

Example: You get divorced. Your siblings are all happily married. You tell yourself you are bad at relationships. That thought becomes your reality and it now governs your relationships. Let’s look a little deeper. In your family there are three generations of women who have all divorced at about the same age. This may be a multi-generational pattern and you might ask, who called themselves bad at relationships first?

How do they shape my life?

The bad news is that when a significant event frightens or stresses you, you tend to default to an old, maybe even multi-generational pattern, in times of stress. You may experience heightened states of anxiety and failure that seem inescapable. We call this a systemic trance.

Can I use them to create the life I want?

The good news is that you are able to change your Emotional DNA.

The extraordinary news is that once you understand what lives in your systems, you can shift limiting patterns and enhance successful ones transforming your life and creating success on a continual basis. Constellations and systemic work facilitate these shifts.

Often when you say you are stuck we call that the pattern that is trying to rest. Your heart’s desire and deepest wish often contains the pattern that is trying to emerge. The two patterns frequently sit alongside each other.

In our workshops, we show you how to access and process these patterns consciously to set down long held struggles and create success, happiness, peace and joy.

Exercise: Putting Patterns Into Practice

Now for the constellations piece. Again, we are going to use a simple exercise to dimensionalize what you are feeling and thinking. We are making the invisible, visible and the unconscious, conscious.

On a piece of paper, write down the one thing you would like to stop doing or experiencing in your life. Place it on the floor. Notice what you tell yourself and how you feel about it. You might even have a facial expression, a saying or an action that happens for you around that. Good. This is the pattern you are trying to stop.

Ask yourself are you the only one in your family who has had this experience? Or is it just like your father, mother, or perhaps someone else in the family?

Now write down your heart’s deepest desire or highest wish on another piece of paper. Place that on the floor in relationship to the first piece of paper. What does that feel like? What do you tell yourself or feel about that? Where do you feel it in your body?

Now take your place in relationship to these two pieces of paper. Notice: How close/distant you are to or from each one. Ask yourself how much do I want this? Do I really want this or do I just want to want this? Or am I even allowed to want this?

In my next blog, you will see there are things you can do to shift from the pattern that want to rest to the pattern that’s trying to emerge. One contains your fate, the other holds your destiny.

In our workshops, we take a much deeper dive with you but this allows you to start getting a sense of your head, heart and gut working together. Good luck.

Write to me with questions or insights or attend a workshop to learn more.

 

Use Systemic Work to Create Your Own Success

Over the next twelve months, I am going to show you how to use systemic work to create your own success and you are going to learn to use basic constellations. I will share a small piece of systemic work and then invite you to use the exercises at the end of each month’s blog, so you can begin to shape the life you desire.

First, I want to give you a broad overview of what systemic work is and show you how constellations can create change in your life…

What is systemic work?

Systemic work is the framework for exploring your systems and creating growth and shift in your life. It contains a lot of the information around why you struggle and how to succeed. These systems include: your family of origin, your current family, your profession, your organizations, etc.

You unconsciously form patterns in all areas of your life based on events, decisions and unconscious loyalties. Clues to what lives there lie in words, phrases, mindsets and actions that you use and exhibit, playing your part in the system. Understanding what lives in your systems provides valuables clues to your success and failure and allows you to switch fates into destinies. For both individuals and organizations, this work causes profound change and shift.

What is a constellation?

A constellation is a 3 D experiential approach to interacting with an issue or a goal in a way that engages multiple senses, so you can see, feel and shift at a much deeper level. Experiences add value and dimension to our lives because they engage our bodies and our minds. They facilitate insights, shifts, and expansion. We tell ourselves who we are and are not through experiences and our thoughts and feelings about them and this constantly shapes our possibilities and limitations.

Can I use this approach to improve my life and career?

Systemic work and constellations are gaining wide attention from and use by Fortune 500 companies and top executives to explore complex issues, facilitating deep insights and breakthroughs

How do they help me to live the life I want? Can this approach really help me to change years of struggling or failure?

When you combine an intention to shift with an insight into what lives in your system and the higher emotion of possibility, you are able to go deeper and see more clearly. And when an experience is heightened or activated in a way that catches your attention, in a mind changing way an inner shift occurs. The brain is activated and the new way of thinking and feeling begins to lay down a new neural pathway, leading to new outcomes. Constellations provide such an experience.

Science and epigenetics are now demonstrating that we are quite capable of changing our lives and circumstances. Neuroscience shows how rewiring our brains can rewire our lives.

You do indeed have within you what you need to create what you desire.

Ancestry.com shows you where you belong but they don’t show you how that matters to who you are and who you want to become. Multigenerational patterns matter! They create your Emotional DNA whether you know your family or not—and depending on you, they become your fate or your destiny! Patterns occur in three ways:

·   You inherit them – often unconsciously

·   You repeat them – often unconsciously

·   You create them – often unconsciously

No matter which way they occur, a pattern is a pattern and it can tie you up in knots or catapult you into success. The difference between the two lies in your willingness to look, see and shift and your commitment to make it happen!

Once you understand the hidden patterns and unconscious loyalties that operate in your life, you can turn obstacles into steps to the future you want. Constellations and the systemic lens show you why those patterns matter and how they are always in service of you.

You will learn how you got here and then step into, feel, see and experience the shifts that allow you to disentangle from struggle and create more of what you want. It is well known we are able to rewire our brains and thereby our genes and circumstances.

We also know that a felt or embodied experience of either a trauma or a victory, changes us profoundly. We revisit them because they are so meaningful to us and so a neural pathway is laid down. Constellations and systemic work combine to invite a journey into deep shifts that create conscious neural pathways in service of our purpose and growth.

You will understand how some people do the seemingly incredible and then you will have the opportunity to do it yourself.

You will learn to physically map and step into the issues or goals you have and design the future you want. With eyes, heart and mind wide open, you will teach yourself to achieve breakthroughs, insights and success. Growing your inner world – grows your outer world. You will learn that you are capable of living a remarkable life if you choose to do so.

You will discover that you have a rich and deep inheritance waiting to serve you. You will realize that not only do you inherit your physical DNA, you also inherit your emotional DNA and with that, all the ways in which you can become stuck and limited. You will also discover that you can create the emotional DNA you want and become the remarkable being you dreamed of becoming.

Consider this: A traumatic incident creates an experience that leaves you shaken and permanently marked. A neural pathway is laid down instantly and the after effects are there for years, if not forever. However, exactly the opposite also occurs. You have an incredible win or experience that is so profound that it changes you forever. In this case a neural pathway is also laid down and the after effects may also last forever. Both shape the life you live. Which would you rather experience?

Imagine being able to rise to greatness on a consistent basis and live the life you want to live. You weren’t born to suffer, you were born to excel and constellations show us how to consciously create the emotional DNA we want.

They show us how to:

·   Disentangle from the limitations that keep us stuck

·   Change our mindsets profoundly and thereby our circumstances and lives

·   Lay down a neural pathway during a constellation with a keenly felt sense of inner shift that is life changing, profound and lasting

Whenever I work with a new client, I ask them one simple question. “How big are you willing to be?” Invariably they ask me if that isn’t egotistical and the answer is no.

We were born to and are quite capable of being, doing and achieving the remarkable. The day that we agree to be the biggest version of ourselves is the humblest day of our lives. In that moment we agree to become fully responsible for who we are in the world and for growing ourselves as much as we can. We agree to all that is possible for and through us and we dedicate our lives to achieving our maximum potential and sharing it with the world. That is discipline. Not ego.

Systemic work and constellations put the ability to grow and create the life you want in your own hands. Once you begin to understand the patterns, mindsets and hidden loyalties that got you here and keep you stuck, you can begin to consciously create the lasting change you want to experience.

Putting This Into Practice

Over the next twelve months, you and I are going to go on a voyage of discovery. Along the way, you may decide to come and take one of the workshops or certification programs I offer around the world and experience a constellation for yourself. Perhaps I will see you in one of the workshops I teach in a corporate setting to leaders and entrepreneurs who now use this approach to change lives and to solve complex issues.

Constellations use a highly interactive and experiential approach to explore your inner and outer worlds. They show you how to create new mindsets and lay down new neural pathways that serve you. And with constellations, you will learn to use multiple senses and multi-generations to connect the dots and shift from stuck to flying.

Systemic work takes the whole system into consideration and teaches us to think in layers and connect dots in ways that change our lives and the lives of those who come after us.

Putting This Into Practice: How can I use systemic work and constellations to create the life I want?

It’s important to realize that most of us think we only use our brains to navigate life. High performers and visionary leaders consciously do it differently. They maximize the knowledge in their head, heart and gut. I am going to teach you to do what they do, using a systemic lens and a constellation so you can make the invisible – visible and achieve your own insights and shifts.

So here we go. The theory bit. It’s critical to be aware that you don’t just inherit your physical DNA, you also inherit your emotional DNA. Sometimes through many generations. The difference is that you can change your emotional DNA, thoughts and possibilities—and as studies show in neuroscience, possibly even your body and genes. You can most certainly change your life and your destiny.

There are 3 principles that frame a systemic lens. I use this in boardrooms and with my clients to unravel even the most complex issues, achieve breakthroughs and remarkable success.

In systems, most issues resolve into these 3 basic principles:

  • Order – you get too big or too small
  • Belonging – in, out or on the edge of the systems with which you interact
  • Balance of give and receive – you give too much or receive too little

This makes it simple to see what kind of issue you are dealing with and how to restore balance, resolve issues and create success.

If you get too big or too small in your systems, you go out of order and may carry too much or become too small and invisible. When you struggle with belonging, you may struggle to find your place, or figure out how to fit in. With an imbalance in give and receive, you may give too much, or receive too little.

Issues in any of these areas may limit your ability to achieve full success, but be aware that issues in your life sit right next something remarkable that wants to emerge through you.

Exercise

Okay constellations time! Remember constellations engage multiple senses and this is a super simple one. It will start to give you a felt sense of your systems and that’s what we want here. Let’s use the 3 principles to start your journey. (Keep what you write down with you, so you can expand upon it with each subsequent monthly blog this year.)

Write down 3 different systems that you belong to, on 3 separate pieces of paper. One must be your family of origin. Another might be your friends and a third might be your career or place of work. Place them on the floor from left to right. (It’s okay even my top executives around the world do this). Now walk towards each piece of paper and notice:

·       How close can you get to each piece?

·       Where do you feel it in your body?

·       How do you belong in your family?

·       Are you in or out of order – do you get too big or feel too small?

·       Do you give too much or receive too little?

·       What do you tell yourself about this? (Write this down)

·       Which one of the 3 principles is dominant for you and how?

Write to me with questions or insights or attend a workshop to learn more. Vist my Workshops page for more information.