Respecting Other People's Opinions - America's Path Forward
In the wake of the 2024 election, US citizens find themselves navigating an all-too-familiar landscape of polarized different beliefs and ideologies, triggering upset, blame, resentment, and fear. Partisanship and deep-rooted divisions have only grown over recent years, and many Americans long for pathways to unity and progress.
Moving forward, America has an opportunity to redefine itself. But moving forward requires a new approach that doesn’t just try to mend divides at the surface level. It requires an approach that addresses the deep, often unseen dynamics driving our political and cultural rifts.
How do we get into the creative space of making a difference in a way that bodes well for all mankind? How can we keep an open mind and respect different people and their differing opinion in an effective way? How can we start looking for the common good and the common ground?
Life is going to be a whole lot easier for all of us when we all start doing this. But in the meantime, we’ve got to do the work of coming together. The following are some thoughts about how to do that.
I Win, You Lose
It happens every four years here in the United States: “Ha ha! I win! You lose!” It’s time to stop playing this game because as long as we have, “I win. You lose,” somebody is going to be happy and excited, somebody else is going to be afraid and angry. Multiply that by hundreds of millions of “somebodies” and we have the situation we have today with a woefully divided nation.
The solution, of course, is for 1) those who “win” to stop gloating, and 2) those who lose to cease playing victim, and 3) for both sides to come together and ask the question, “How do we all win?” What policies can be enacted to create more unity? What can we do to take care of each other?
Of course, to do this and start shaping our lives in a much more responsible way, we have to make some perceptual shifts. And one of the most important shifts we can make is to realize how deeply programmed we all are to want to belong. Belong to a family. Belong to a community. Belong to a group of people. Belong to a party. Belong to a common belief system, an ideal, a nation. It’s all the same thing.
Stop Taking Sides
If we want to belong to one of the greatest countries on earth, let’s also all be Americans. Democracy demands debate, not fights.
The trick is to stop narrowing our view about where we belong. At the most fundamental and yet universal level, we all belong to the same species called Homo sapiens, living on the same planet called Earth. In this system, everybody has a right to belong.
This is one of the foundational principles of Systemic Work and Constellations. Every single person in the system called “humanity” belongs. And that includes the good, the bad, the indifferent, the educated, the uneducated, the rich, the poor, the up, down, and sideways. Everyone counts because everyone brings information into the human system, information that is needed for everyone in the system, and the system itself, to thrive and evolve.
Our humanity is our common ground. From there, if we each take a breath and we take a moment and we start with simple, easy things like kindness to others, thoughtfulness, and consideration, we’re actually going to find that the seismic earthquakes caused by taking sides against one another start to subside. Choosing to shape your life in a really good, human and humane way, you start the ball rolling on the positive changes we need to see happening in our country right now.
Consider Your Reactions
There’s a world of difference between being creative and being reactive. When we’re in creation mode, we’re excited and positive and affecting others in a positive way. We’re open to suggestions, collaboration, and other ideas, including others’ opinions. When we’re in reaction, yelling, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling,” we’re in fight or flight mode. And then we pick a side to fight against and out goes belonging.
The brain secretes adrenalin and noradrenalin. Non-essential body systems like digestion slow to a crawl. Heart rate increases, and before you know it, you’re sweating in full-on panic, unable to think clearly, unable to easily accept suggestions, and unable to collaborate. And the sky isn’t actually even falling! Being reactive doesn’t serve anyone in the long run.
But how are we going to move from being reactive to being creative instead? Well, here are some thoughts:
- When you hear something or see something that’s not to your liking, breathe!
- Take the time to take stock of the situation before you get all revved up.
- Consider your words before they come out of your mouth. Is what you’re about to say really true? Is it coming from your heart? Or is it against something or someone?
- Instead of letting your words come out from a boiling pit, consider how you want things to land.
- Consider the other person’s opinions. How will your words affect them and shape their sense of belonging?
- How do you want your life to look? How do you want to shape it? How do you want to belong to the human system? What is your contribution? If we want to change the world today, it starts with changing our attitudes toward each other right here, right now.
A final powerful thought here has to do with assumptions. Assumptions start wars. Don’t just assume positive intent—check your assumptions. Every single one of them. With clarity comes insight. With insight comes peace. With peace comes freedom.
People often tell me doing this is really hard work. Well, it’s just as hard to keep being upset, miserable, and angry as it is to start putting the work into a life that you really want. Seriously. Decide on the life you want to live, and every time something prompts you to fight and go against someone or something, ask yourself: “Does that get me closer to the life I want to live and the life I want for my children? Or further away?”
Make Positive, Life-Shaping Choices
If you decide and choose that you’re going to go for a positive, life-affirming existence, that’s amazing. You’re going to make a difference. You’re going to be kind. You’re going to be happy. And when you’re happy and it’s fun and you’re really excited, you find that life suddenly becomes a whole lot nicer.
Some of your friends and family, with different backgrounds and professional experiences, are going to want to know what the heck you’re doing and maybe even join you. Before you know it, your life and the lives of others have changed for the better. Now you’re making that global difference.
Connection, Communication, and Respect
Are you communicating with yourself and others in a respectful way? In a way that lands and encourages? Or in a way that divides and tears down?
The first step is really important. If you are angry or unkind to yourself, chances are that will spill over into your interactions with others. I have executives who think that effective communication is, “Hey, stupid, get it together or you’re fired,” which generally doesn’t get a really good response. So, consider how you communicate with others. When somebody is confused or lost, ask, “Can I help you? Can I show you?”
When a new situation arises, instead of trying to control, try being invitational. Try inviting in new ideas and thoughtful conversations. And always consider your words by asking yourself, “How do I get this to land in a way that people can hear it and feel what I’m saying?”
How do we all go for the win? The answer—even in tense, contentious situations—is communication with respect. Meaning I understand that the other person or persons I’m talking with have a part in my world. They belong and have equal weight and importance as me. When we understand that, we’re able to talk to each other, and not only find common ground, but ideas and answers that are outside the realm of opposing views.
Without respect, nothing positive happens. You don’t grow, your family and community don’t grow, our nation doesn’t grow, and the world doesn’t grow.
And by respect I don’t mean having to be in agreement. Respect means I understand the other person has a different point of view and different perspectives. And I give that different point of view a place to land and be. And when I can give it a place, it means I’ve given a little and the other has done the same. We’ve both given a little, which makes both parties feel good, included, seen, and in some way honored and validated.
If we are looking to be a nation that can show the rest of the world a way to thrive, then no matter how tense the situation, it begins with respect. That’s what we’re looking for. That’s the fertile ground we need to stand on to be able to move forward into a better world.
At the end of a tough year facing the uncertainty of the next four years, we all have the opportunity to make a difference—kindly, happily, and with understanding. The next greatest era in American history begins with you.
