Surround Yourself With Those Who Inspire You
Walking with Giants
In my last blog I asked you who made you pretend to be too small and why. Now I’m going to flip the question and ask you, “Who in your life has elevated you? Who are the giants with whom you have walked?” (Everybody has walked with giants.) This reflection is often the first step toward personal growth
Some of you are lucky enough to have experienced that with your parents. And you probably ended up wanting to grow up to be like them. How wonderful! Others of you may have had a teacher or a relative who stood tall in your eyes. Who was kind and big hearted, thoughtful and who listened to you and encouraged you, and told you how good you were. Perhaps you’ve been lucky enough to work in a company with leaders who elevate the people around them, including you. Surrounding yourself with the right people can truly be a great thing for your development.
You recognize these giants by the way they make you feel. They are on the opposite end of the spectrum from those who belittle, criticize, and do not see or support your potential. If you look at those who have made you feel uncomfortable, put down, or limited, chances are they’ve only had the same thing done to them and don’t know any other way to “lead.” They do not see the possibilities, only the problems. Amazing people lift others up rather than tear them down, inspiring those around them to reach their full potential.
The Company You Keep is Vital
It is no coincidence that most success books advise you to surround yourself with people who are more successful than you. There is sound reasoning behind that. High-functioning people are usually not the ones who will rain on your parade. They are the ones who look at you and see the inner genius waiting to be unleashed. I refer to these giants as possibility thinkers and creators of the world the way we would like it to be. Passionate people like these can transform how you see yourself and your potential.
You can easily spot these type of people in real life. They have a lot of energy, a ready smile, and they do not think the world owes them anything. They are always eager to create better lives for themselves and those around them. They’re always growing and finding new avenues of expression and creativity.
They don’t give up. They convert disappointment or failure into steppingstones for their next level of success. Their inner “self talk” is usually far kinder and positive than the inner self talk of most of us. After being in their presence, you feel energized and ready to take on the world. Often, you experience the lighting of your own inner fire. You come away with a better sense of yourself, a better sense of your own possibilities, and the belief you can get what you want to do done. This inspiration often comes from meeting people who have put in the hard work to achieve their goals.
Why then would you hang around with people who do the opposite?
Of course, the answer almost always is familiarity and the family system. We are so afraid to not belong that we deliberately, although often unconsciously, dim our light to fit in with those around us. However, if you look over at the giants, they, too, fit in. But in a very different way. Rather than trying to belong to something limiting, they create a space of uplift and belonging for those around them and themselves. They have realized that they do not have to shrink, and they create ‘fitting in’ on a much larger scale.
Giants are Made, not Born
Be aware these people were not always giants. It’s just that at some point in their lives they consciously chose to walk a bigger path. Look at Walt Disney. He came from nothing—the son of an itinerant carpenter, his father forced him and his brother as kids to work a paper route for money. It was tough love. But his father instilled a work ethic and desire for self-betterment that guided Walt to eventually create the world’s largest and most famous entertainment empire.
Elias Disney never accomplished much himself, but he lit a fire in his son. And inner fire is the most valuable commodity on the planet. Forget rare earth minerals or gold. Until they are mined by someone with vision and inner fire, they mean nothing.
Look around at the giants in any industry. They have passion and drive that is bigger than the obstacles they might encounter. They also know that it takes a village to accomplish their dreams, and they are quick to elevate the members of their village who want to join the dream. They do not hold back on praise. They know that in order to accomplish their dreams they need smart, talented people around them who also need their dreams encouraged and supported.
This isn’t grandiose or egotistical. It’s passing the baton of greatness. And “greatness” is in all of us. It’s the way we were meant to be … but we forgot.
Retuning the System
Systemically, because of our family and social systems, we are well attuned to suffering and limitations. They give us the excuse to stay small—swapping complaints and victim stories at the water cooler and over drinks after work. We’re delighted when gossip floats across our desk. It may not be nice. It may be boring. But it does generate a sense of belonging. Misery loves company, after all. Right?
And yet, the more interesting adventure, the one less chosen, is the adventure of passion and growth. When we are fortunate enough to plug into something bigger than we are, at some point, the light switches on and we can ride it all the way to success.
Have a look at your life. Who are the giants with whom you have walked? Who really made a difference in your life? Who made you feel good about yourself? What was it about them and their message that you could let in? Have you used what they taught you to start on your own conscious path of becoming a giant?
Yes, I know. Most of you are going to tell me you aren’t giants, and that you never could be. And I’m going to challenge you.
- Please write down as many times you can think of where you have been kind, encouraging, elevating, or joyful.
- Where did you see someone’s potential and point it out?
- Where did you leave someone happier, wiser, more encouraged?
- If I asked you to write down on a whiteboard all the times you made a difference in people’s lives—no matter how big or small—how big would that whiteboard have to be?
It may surprise you to discover that you are one of the giants in this world. Don’t underestimate yourself or the power of your words, your smile, your presence, your vision, to elevate people. Who knows how many giants you have helped to create!
Today, I want you to take an empty journal. On the front page write down the heading, “The Giants in My Life.” Then write down all the times that someone has been a part of lighting your fire. This is most important. Ask yourself what you thought about each person and each time. How you felt about that and what you did about that. These are the memories you need to activate. They are at the core of your systemic legacy for growth.
When you’ve finished, write down the next heading, “How I’m a Giant in the Lives of Others.”
More than anything, when a giant lights your fire, your job is to tend to that fire and pass it on. It’s part of your systemic heritage, and your gift to the world. And if you’re only on page one of this section, that’s okay. You have the rest of those journal pages to fill, and the rest of your life to do it.
A Systemic Expert & Executive Coach, Judy Wilkins-Smith assists high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe apparent challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance by guiding them through and beyond hidden Emotional DNA patterns. Her books Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint and The Hidden Power in Your DNA are two exciting guides on your journey to purpose.
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