Melissa Haymes, Author at Judy Wilkins-Smith

September 15, 2023September 7, 2023

How to Improve your Money Mindset: Elevating Your Money Mindset

How to Improve your Money Mindset: Elevating Your Money Mindset

As I’ve already pointed out, one of the first things that you need to do to improve and change your money mindset is to start breaking family patterns and quit demonizing money or fearing it. We are so accustomed to fearing lack or living in a state of survival that we seldom stop to invest in the joy of money and the sense of accomplishment that its presence can bring.

Elevating your money mindset means that you cannot come from survival emotions inherited from your family system. You want to create new emotional DNA—new Money DNA—and to do that you must stop repeating ancient history. Imagine this: What new thoughts, feelings, and actions might occur for you if you were to begin thanking money and blessing it?

How to Develop a Wealthy Mindset

One of the fastest ways to change our thoughts about money and have it become a blessing in our lives, is to start thinking about what’s possible when our scarcity money mindset has been set aside. We have to start seeing money as playing a larger role in our lives. Once we begin to realize that money is not just for survival, it becomes a little more intriguing and exciting.

Exploring our dreams and desires is a great way to get the ball rolling. Money usually plays a large role in our dreams. Right? And in the past we’ve all too often set our dreams aside because of … yep! Lack of m-o-n-e-y. Right? So, to be able to fulfill our dreams, we must do something different. We need to be able to build positive money beliefs by imagining our dreams and setting goals to achieve them without giving in to old sabotaging thoughts and negative emotions.

You want to teach your brain to learn to play … to see your dreams without any financial blocks in the way. You want to give money a goal. You want to entice money with an adventure! That way you give money direction and somewhere to flow.

The more you show money where to flow,
the more it can grow.

Money Mindset Shift

As you imagine fulfilling your dreams, allow feelings like gratitude, excitement, commitment, and determination to flow. These are elevated emotions that support your dreams and invite change because studies show that the brain rewires more easily when thoughts are supported by strong emotions.

And how fun is letting your imagination go play? If you invest in doing this, instead of killing your dreams with old emotional DNA patterns of lack, you start to draw money and opportunities to you in order to fulfill those dreams instead. You’re rewiring your money brain one new thought and one new feeling at a time.

The next step is to take one new action that supports your dream. It doesn’t matter how big or small the action. The point is positive action! And when you achieve that action or goal, celebrate it. That builds the winner effect in your brain. The more you do this, the more it becomes a habit. Now you are creating new money DNA!

Money Mindset Tips

There is such a thing as a millionaire mindset. And it isn’t just for the chosen few. It’s for those who choose it. It also has nothing to do with your present circumstances. It begins with imagining what’s possible here and now.

At the same time, however, it helps to be practical. Give yourself just one stretch goal so that you can teach yourself to direct money properly. For example, open an savings account dedicated exclusively to making one dream happen. It doesn’t matter if your first deposit is $5 or $5000. The point is you acted positively on your dream and inspired money to flow.

Don’t ever borrow from this account. Designate it as untouchable.
Notice your thoughts, feelings, and actions with every deposit that you make.
Notice how your mindset changes as you get closer to your goal.

It may not happen overnight, but if you start taking positive action, change will happen. New thoughts, feelings, and actions around money change everything. When the heart opens to the possibility, the brain can then go looking for opportunities, and the gut is able to kick into excitement and determination mode.

Chances are that once this becomes a habit for you, not only will you feel more capable and secure, but a little joy and excitement are going to start creeping in. You may even find yourself opening a second account to start funding another dream!

Congratulations! You are now changing your Money DNA future.

To grow your money DNA, join me at Walt Disney World for a wonderful Money DNA event, November 5-8. To learn more click here.

September 1, 2023August 25, 2023

How to Change Your Money Mindset & Money DNA

Why do some people have a lot of money and others do not? Why is it so effortless for some people to build wealth while others struggle from one money obstacle to the next? The simple answer is Money DNA. Your Money DNA determines whether you will or won’t, can or can’t have money.

“But it can’t be that simple!” people say incredulously. And yet it really is.

Money Mindset Blocks

You inherit patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions around money, just like you inherit patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions around other emotional DNA issues. Events involving money—financial losses, bankruptcies, sudden loss of a home or other possessions, poverty cycles, and the inability to earn more money for some reason—these events occur and trigger powerful emotional reactions to these events.

Despair, worry, guilt, remorse, depression, anxiety around money, etc. turn into language, thoughts, feelings, and actions around money that can then be passed down to future generations. This epigenetic inheritance, in turn, becomes your truth about money. This is the exact opposite effect to what happens when you build positive money beliefs.

In family systems, I often see multiple generations struggling with money issues until someone comes along who sees what they don’t like and then becomes determined to do things differently. The trick is to do this consciously. I see so many people who unconsciously break out of an inherited poverty cycle and make a lot of money, only to lose it inexplicably along the way. Stories are legion about poor people who win the lottery who are back even deeper in debt only a few years later. They briefly break out of negative money beliefs yet are pulled back into the pattern because they are unaware of them.

How to Overcome Money Blocks

Exploring money mindsets and patterns requires a willingness to look at and put down all the excuses we have about why we don’t or can’t have money.

The first part of this exploration lies in examining your limiting beliefs about money which can clearly show up in your thoughts and language about money. For example, do people in your family say things like the following: “Only people who have money make money.” Or, “Love of money is the root of all evil.” Or “You can have love or money, but not both.” Or “Money can’t buy happiness.” Or “Rich people are greedy.”

How on earth do you think you can possibly attract money with thoughts like these in your subconscious mind, running the show? How can you see and embrace wealth opportunities when they come knocking at your door?

Here’s a story from my own life that’s a perfect example.

One night, I went to a casino with a friend. She hit several jackpots playing slots. (She had a great relationship with money going!) For some reason, at one point, I found myself holding both her and my cup of coins—and on my next play I hit the jackpot! And then I realized on that particular play I’d taken three coins from her cup instead of mine by mistake.

Instead of simply replacing her coins with three coins from my cup and collecting my winnings, all my family codes and patterns about money kicked in—especially the one about being impeccably honest to a fault. I reasoned that having used coins from her cup, the jackpot, therefore, belonged to her. Despite having already won several jackpots that evening, she willingly accepted my jackpot winnings when I offered them.

Was she being greedy? Most people would think so. But in reality, she was simply totally open and willing to receive! She obviously had a good relationship with money! I, on the other hand, had so many money mindset blocks acting as a barrier that money couldn’t break through to get to me.

A Needed Money Mindset Shift

In my family, money was deeply desired yet regarded with suspicion. You also had to slog for money and really work for it. That was the mindset. Above all else, you had to be impeccably honest to a fault with it. Really unhelpful, negative money beliefs, right?

Breaking Family Patterns

It took taking a long hard look at my relationship with money to change those family patterns. I had to realize that money was not evil and that it wasn’t hard to get and I didn’t have to slog for it. One of the biggest ahas! I had was that money isn’t really a commodity. It’s a relationship!

Money can be a friend and can, indeed, be deeply spiritual. It was only when my heart opened to money and I started treating it as a friend that I started breaking family patterns around money and money started to want to get close to me in return. Once I realized money was a relationship I could cultivate, my brain could start spotting the opportunities, and my gut could finally get excited about money and act as a strong inner compass guiding me to it!

When you show up for money and think of it kindly and treat it well, it shows up for you. Once you start to change your relationship with money you begin to change your relationship with yourself and your earning capabilities. People attending my Money DNA events find themselves with fuller pockets, happier hearts, and a sense of adventure.

In my next blog this month, discover how to elevate your money mindset!

Join us to explore and expand your Money DNA this year in the heart of Disney World November 5-8, 2023. To find out more click here.

August 15, 2023August 10, 2023

How to Stop Imposter Syndrome & Become a Great Leader

As a coach dealing in executive leadership skills, I have the privilege of working with many top executives across many sectors on how to succeed as a leader. I’ve discovered that, quite frequently, executives stop short of being as great as they can be. The reasons for this differ: “I’m comfortable where I am. It’s too much responsibility to get bigger. I don’t know if I’m capable.” One of the more interesting excuses is: “If I take on a higher position, someone is going to find out I’m a fraud.”

Imposter syndrome is real—at least in people’s minds until they finally realize the Imposter Syndrome is itself an imposter! The fear of not being enough, not being good enough, or being a fraud—despite having amazing gifts, talents and experience—plagues a surprising number of people. And this is partly because as much as entrepreneurial leadership is admired, we come from a global society that tends to frown upon standing out. Which means that even highly qualified, intelligent people run away from opportunities to excel.

And yet the very people who are paralyzed believing they’re imposters are actually pioneers!

How to be an inspiring leader

Those who dare to be big have one clear differentiator. They embody what I call Pioneer Syndrome. They may not have the answers, but are willing to find them or create them. All are willing to forge ahead where others fear to tread. They’re people with amazing gifts, talents and experience who often mistakenly believe they’re imposters because they’ve been taught to doubt themselves and believe that thinking well of themselves and having self-confidence is egocentric!

Some of the best leaders in the world started very small. Many have gotten where they’ve gotten in large part based on the soft skills they’ve been willing to build. Skills like patience, persistence, the ability to listen, good communication, empathy and imagination. Skills they’ve been able to leverage to good effect.

They moved upwards, one step at a time, even in the face of feeling uncertain and, yes, unworthy. They went for it despite their fears—just like all good pioneers do.

Interestingly, great leaders use these skills to their advantage all the time. And the wonderful thing about that is, most soft skills don’t cost anything to learn. They simply require that you pay attention and be the best version of yourself that you can be. Bob Iger, CEO of the Walt Disney Company, is a great example. He started out way low on the totem pole. But he was willing to pitch in wherever he was needed and always treated people with kindness. Something he is known for to this day.

We often call such people visionaries and self-starters. Some, less kindly, refer to them as takers and overly ambitious. And yet the world cannot advance without somebody being willing to be big. One of the advantages of visionary leadership is the ability to inspire many people to their best “Yes!” That is the way great teams and great companies are formed. Inspired by examples of visionary leadership, people unite in a dream bigger than themselves, yet still fulfill their own dreams within the bigger goal.

How to combat imposter syndrome

Being great doesn’t mean that every person must be a CEO. But, stop and think. Given how much time you spend at work, the bigger you can be, the more passionate you feel about what you’re doing, the better you will feel about yourself. And one of the advantages of visionary leadership is you’ll also have a much greater positive impact upon the world while having nicer adventures along the way!

Here’s quick exercise. Ask yourself: “What personality trait do I have that could be turned into a superpower?” It could be your smile, your willingness to put in extra time, your resilience, or your kindness. These are not things we are generally taught to believe are important. But they are no small things! You can actually begin to build a personal brand around kindness, imagination, and persistence and other such soft skills.

Become a great leader

Stop and notice how the one person in the office that everybody goes to for assistance tends to advance. Watch how far they go. It’s not about hard skills. “Heart eats hard for breakfast.”

There are people who seem to have the humblest careers and yet somehow seem to have a lot of impact on people. They also tend to make a lot of money. I’ve watched some waitresses and waiters do this. And taxi drivers. Why do they make more than others in the same profession? They use their people skills. They’re not afraid to be big. To put themselves “out there.” To be seen. To be noticed. They’re not afraid to be themselves. They’re not afraid to care.

You want to know how to become a great leader? How to combat imposter syndrome? Leverage your heart. Your interests. Your passions. Your truest self. Being big isn’t egotistical. It grows the world and creates abundance, one courageous person at a time.

“How big are you willing to be?” It’s up to you to find out!

To find out more about your emotional DNA and how to move from limited to being big, join me at one of my live events.

August 1, 2023July 27, 2023

How to Eliminate Self Doubt: Stepping Beyond the Shadows

Generational patterns can run our lives and old ancestral patterns can keep us stuck in ancient history, not moving forward. We all have them, the lovely little voices of self doubt and anxiety arising from those ancestral patterns—voices that effectively crush our best ideas and dreams.

If you stop and pay attention to them, you will likely find that those limiting voices belong to a previous generation. Or they arise out of a prior event in your own life. You made a mistake, or you dropped the ball, or you made a bad choice and the consequences weren’t pretty. If this is the case, the worst has already happened. The event is in the past. You just haven’t brought it to a conclusion or resolved it. The voices of limiting beliefs about money, or how you aren’t loveable, or how you aren’t good enough, etcetera, keep the issue alive. It’s like the event keeps happening all over again.

How to begin to reach for your dreams

Bert Hellinger, the founder of Systemic Work & Constellations once said, “Happiness takes courage.” And he’s right! It’s so much easier to go along with the way things are than to make changes. It’s so much easier to just believe the voices rather than decide to go beyond them and reach for your dreams.

Most of us don’t realize that sometimes all it takes to get the ball rolling towards change is a couple of simple questions. Two simple questions breaking generational patterns, taking you out of ancient history and unlocking your unconscious prison, pointing you in the direction of a very different future.

The first question is: “What more is possible here?” Once you’ve answered that question, the second is: “What do I need to change to get to what’s possible?” What do I need to add to my life in order to move towards my dream? Sometimes just asking the questions can help start you moving beyond the shadows towards the purpose waiting for you.

How to eliminate self doubt

Think of a dream that you would love to pursue—a dream plagued by those little thoughts of doubt. Ask yourself “To whom do these doubts belong?” Do they come from your family? Your workplace? Your culture? Your church? Your friends? If you can trace the voices, the words of doubt to others, what does that say?

It says your doubts aren’t really your own. You’ve simply adopted them through exposure and repetition.

If you can’t trace your doubts and negative voices to others in your immediate circle, you may well have old ancestral patterns showing up in you that have been passed down through your family lineage epigenetically. (This is what I call emotional DNA—the thoughts, words, actions, emotions, inactions, and choices of our ancestors that we inherit.)

Sometimes just the recognition that the voices aren’t ours can make all the difference and begin to free us up!

Get clear about where you stand

Sometimes what causes self-doubt is your uncertainty as to where you stand when it comes to your dreams. A simple exercise can show you where you are right now and if old ancestral patterns are standing in your way.

Take two pieces of paper. On the first sheet write down your dream. On the other, write down your doubt(s). Place them at opposite ends of the room. Now, go stand somewhere between the two pieces of paper. Just feel where you want to be. In the middle? Closer to one piece of paper than the other? Notice where you are drawn.

If you find yourself wanting to stand closer to your doubts, you are likely caught in some sort of systemic trance stemming from your family, career, or cultural system. The voices of doubt that come from that source can sound awfully loud and pull very strongly.

If you find yourself moving closer to your dream, notice what’s pulling you in that direction. Is there a whispering voice of inspiration in your head? Is your heart pulling you to express yourself? Is your gut telling you to go that way? Wonderful! Listen to them!

If you find yourself stuck midway, ask yourself what is needed to move towards your dream. As you identify an idea or a resource, write it down on a separate piece of paper and place it on the pathway nearer your dream. Keep asking yourself “What is it I desire to experience?” Then wait for another idea. Write it down and add it to the “dream” side. Keep doing this until you’ve got enough weight—enough incentive—to pull you all the way to your dream.

Now, follow up on your ideas. When you do this once and experience a dream come true despite all those doubts, you will know how to move beyond other doubts and then you are well on your way to living the life that belongs only to you.

To find out more about your emotional DNA and how to make stretching towards your dreams a part of your daily life, join me at one of my live events.

July 15, 2023July 5, 2023

How Viewing Generational Patterns Through a Genealogical Lens Creates Success

Gaining knowledge and insights about your generational patterns creates freedom and expansion. And one of the most fruitful areas to look for that knowledge from is your ancestral heritage along with its accompanying emotional DNA.

So, what is emotional DNA? I’ve discussed it many times before, but briefly, it’s the patterns of emotions, thoughts, actions and inactions you’ve inherited from your family lineage. You’ve probably heard of generational trauma and family patterns? That’s what I’m talking about here.

Genealogy through an Emotional DNA lens

Being able to have a direct encounter with your ancestral heritage by realizing it is embodied in you and perhaps expressing through you is a powerful and transformative experience that facilitates breakthroughs, insights, and change. To go in search of your genealogical heritage, hold in mind specific issues and/or problems you are experiencing. Perhaps you’re experiencing a consistent lack of money. Or perhaps you have trouble holding onto intimate relationships, or you never seem to get ahead at work no matter how hard you try.

As you investigate your genealogy and discover what some of your ancestors were up to, what they experienced and went through historically, answers to your own issue (s) may begin to surface. Maybe you had a great-grandmother who lived through the 1904 earthquake in San Francisco. Or an ancestor who took part in the French revolution, or experienced the pogroms in Russia. Ancestral trauma is a very real thing. Notice your thoughts, feelings, and actions as you begin to uncover possible clues about historical events that may have triggered the expression of multigenerational family patterns in you.

Eye-opening insight into generational patterns

It’s an amazing thing to realize that choices made by those who came before you about the events that happened in their lives, have become the language, feelings, thoughts and actions that often live in you and are expressed by you. For example, Doug was stuck in a dead-end job. He knew he had the talent to be in upper-level management and make his way to the C-Suite. His line manager kept thanking him for the ways he evoked and nurtured talent in others around him, yet never gave Doug the promotion he deserved. He thought about leaving the company many times, but didn’t quite have the courage to do so. Not surprisingly, Doug felt trapped.

When we looked at his family beliefs and history, Doug realized that his father had also been undervalued and unacknowledged in the employment agency where he worked. Perennially overlooked for promotion, his father refused to complain or look for more substantive work, saying he needed to put food on the table, and he wasn’t about to jeopardize the family’s safety by leaving a steady job.

The trend went further back to his grandfather’s work as a perpetual line manager in the auto industry, and possibly back before that. Doug also recognized that employee loyalty and job longevity were highly prized in his father’s and grandfather’s generations. In fact, his father would often tell him, “Stick to one place and don’t make waves, son. Security above all.”

You are not stuck

Once Doug saw the pattern, he was determined to make a change. When I pointed out that experience in several different companies can actually add value to one’s resume, Doug was able to objectively evaluate his skills and capabilities. Realizing his value, it became a no-brainer for him to seek employment elsewhere. He was quickly snapped up at a higher salary and position.

By understanding the systemic piece that had kept him stuck—the multigenerational family pattern expressing through his emotional DNA—Doug was able to make a different choice that gave him a sense of freedom and self-confidence he had not enjoyed before.

Take it from Doug: You are not stuck, or restricted. It’s just that an unsatisfying situation in your life may well belong to your ancestors! Ask yourself: “Is my life a reflection of another family member? Am I repeating generational patterns? What else is possible through me? What do I want? What is possible for those who come after me?”

Remember, everyone adds to the family system and family behavior patterns in some way. Change is growth. What will your gifts be?

Success and freedom are right within your grasp. Once you understand what has you feeling limited or trapped you will be able to reshape your life and career.

To learn more, join me at one of my interactive events.

July 1, 2023June 30, 2023

Emotional DNA and Interactive Genealogy: What It Is & Why It Matters

Emotional DNA and Interactive Genealogy: What it is & Why it Matters

Traditional genealogy can tell you where you came from and to whom you are linked. With the evolution of DNA saliva tests, you came to understand why you may look the way you do, discovered how to find your ancestors, and began to connect with people related to you who once were strangers. But when we bring together genealogy and emotional DNA–inherited patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions, including generational trauma patterns—a whole new world of personal information opens up for you.

Can you inherit heroism?

Most of us harbor secret hopes that our ancestors were incredible heroes or important figures in history. But what if you’re not directly descended from somebody famous? Does that mean you’re out of luck knowing whether you inherited any of those hero genes? Not at all! It’s actually possible to tell if someone in your family lineage was a hero.

How can that be? Well, just ask yourself a simple question: “How do I act, think, and feel in my own life?” Now tune in and think about it. Do you find yourself always standing up for the underdog? Are you unafraid to question authority? Have you surprised yourself by taking crazy dares now and then without a thought to your personal safety? If so, you probably have quite a few heroes quietly stashed away in your family line!

How is this possible? Well, we all know that we inherit our physical DNA. But studies in epigenetics now show that significant events in a person’s life can create an impact on their DNA. Strong emotions in an ancestor’s life such as extraordinary bravery, determination in the face adversity, courage overcoming terrible fear—these emotions quite literally imprint that person’s DNA, creating a blueprint for behavioral patterns that is then passed down to successive generations. These epigenetic inheritance patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions are what we refer to as our emotional DNA.

So, what else does this mean? It means that your depression, anger, happiness, success, failure, issues with money and fear of commitment (and a lot of other issues and family behavior patterns) may well have their roots in prior generations. Stuff you’re experiencing that’s tripping you up in life may not belong to you at all! But it may be asking you to notice it.

Generational patterns can be changed

And yet most people don’t know this. Instead, we go along through life repeating generational patterns faithfully as though they were our own. My client “Rita” is a perfect example.

Rita was embarrassed to admit it, but she always had to have a fully stocked pantry—and then some. Anything less than several overflowing closets filled with food created extreme anxiety and distress for her, and she couldn’t understand why. Paradoxically, Rita is pretty wealthy and can buy whatever she wants, whenever she wants. When I pressed her on the subject, she kept saying, “You never know what might happen. I could lose it all in an instant. If I don’t have food stores, I might not be able to survive.”

When we looked at her family history, two generations had met with economic downturns and food shortages. Her great-great-great grandparents fled Ireland escaping the Irish Potato Famine. Her grandmother’s parents, once well-to-do, were impoverished during the Great Depression. She remembered hearing her grandmother tell her to always make sure she had enough food and money to last at least six months if not a year or more!

Again, even though Rita was well off and had a solid nest egg, she embodied the extreme trauma of starvation and loss carried in her emotional DNA from two different sets of family experiences—and possibly more going even further back in her genealogical history. On top of that, she carried the memory of her grandmother’s advice and the words of her own mother, constantly advising her to “Waste not, want not” and how she should always “Be prepared.”

“The idea of even wasting a penny just freaks me out,” Rita said. “It keeps me working long hours with my nose to the grindstone. I can’t even enjoy the success I’ve created.”

Honoring family patterns and moving on

When Rita finally got that her penny-pinching and food hoarding obsessions weren’t really hers, the lightbulb switched on. She realized it was up to her to break the generational poverty mindset. She was the person in her family who was being invited to change old negative family patterns and create something new.

When she took the next step and realized that her grandmother and mother had pinched pennies so that she didn’t have to, that gave her pause for thought. She remembered how her grandmother used to say she wished she could take her kids and grandkids on trips and have adventures. At that point, she realized that she could give her grandmother and mother a legacy by doing what they could not. She could stock one pantry in peace and take the time off to take her own children on family vacations.

Rita was breaking generational cycles by setting down the family limitations, embracing her mother’s and grandmother’s dreams as well as her own hopes and desires, setting new patterns of adventure and abundance into motion with a happy heart.

Want to learn more about emotional DNA and how it applies to you?

Come to one of my interactive events and experience firsthand how to change the effects of behavioral genetics on your life and create new patterns of success! Click here to find out more information.

June 15, 2023June 26, 2023

Why Your Words Matter When It Comes to Success

Why Your Words Matter When It Comes To Success

Your words matter. Language matters. If you think they don’t, think about the times you’ve been told “You’re not” and “You’ll never.” These are some of the most powerful words in the English language. You know what I mean. How many times have you heard, “You’re not good enough” … or thin enough, or rich enough, smart enough, athletic enough? And then there’s the “You’ll never.” You’ll never catch up. You’ll never catch on. You’ll never make the grade. You’ll never live up to your father or brother or sister or predecessor. And on and on.

Systemic Language and Inherited Behaviors

Everyone has heard these phrases—many of which are systemic language from their family system—phrases that are just part of the family lingo, so much so that we hardly notice them. Unfortunately, these are the words that self limiting beliefs are made of. Hear them often enough, and one of two things happens. Either we let those limiting belief examples shape our sense of self, give up, and live down to the low expectations. Or we use those negative pronouncements as a motivator and rise above them.

If you give up, unconsciously (or even consciously) and agree with what you’ve been told, the limiting words can become your embodied truth—heavy boat anchors, dragging you down. For those who don’t give up, something different is happening. They reframe those same words and craft their language to deliberately create a totally different reality. “You’re not good enough” becomes “I am good enough!” And that kind of successful thinking then becomes their north star.

Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

How we think and speak literally create our personal reality. But here’s the key: In order to use language as a potent force for powerful change and manifest your goals, your body must believe the words you’re thinking and speaking. In other words, your brain has to tell your body a story it can believe and thus buy. For example, say you’ve just gotten a new job that uses computer systems you’re totally unfamiliar with. Out of pride (or fear or both) you ask no one for help. Instead, you say to yourself over and over again, “I can do this. Even if I don’t know what to do right now, I can figure this out!”

Those are all great sentences. But, until the body believes them, no movement takes place, no old systemic language is rewired. That sinking feeling in your gut and that panicky flutter in your chest is your body telling you, “Nope. I don’t buy it. You’re never figuring that out!” And now your brain has told your body a story it can believe that doesn’t serve you.

On the other hand, if you tell yourself something like, “I’m a quick learner. If I just get somebody to show me the ropes, I’ll be up to speed in no time. I know I’m building my success in this new job one step at a time. And that shows strength and persistence Watch me grow here!” then you are heading in a totally different direction.

These strong words along with positive action actually elevate your body’s emotions. And science has proven that when strong, positive emotions are present in the body, learning happens more easily. The process is accelerated even more when strong, positive emotions can be attached to a desired purpose, direction, or goal.

Words Matter and Elite Athletes Know It

This is exactly how elite athletes and highly accomplished people overcome self-limiting beliefs and achieve success. They are deeply conscious of the thoughts and language they use, the emotions they feel and the actions they take. They have figured out that they are, indeed, conscious co-creators of their lives. They have moved past any thoughts of being at someone else’s mercy and into an adventure they are consciously creating.

How to Let Go of Limiting Beliefs

To understand this better, identify an area of your life where you have a distinct feeling – either positive or negative – that you can sense in your body. For example, maybe you feel a deep uncertainty and even anxiety about a co-worker. You just can’t tell whether or not s/he is being honest with you. What do you tell yourself about this situation? What to you tell yourself about this co-worker? What are your thoughts, feelings and actions about your anxiety? Write your observations down.

Now, ask yourself, “What do I make these thoughts mean? About myself? About others?” Jot your observations down.
Notice that you are the one creating the thoughts and feelings and you are the one who has the choice about what they will be and how they affect you.

You are never at the mercy of a whimsical universe when you are aware of your thoughts, words and actions. Far from it! You are consciously creating your life! By rewiring old systemic language, developing new thoughts, emotions and actions, you are continuously shaping your world. And your life can change in an instant!

Adventure awaits you! Take a deep dive with me into systemic language at one of my live events, and begin to consciously shape the life that you truly want to experience.

June 1, 2023June 26, 2023

Systemic Language: What it is & What it Does

Systemic Language: What it is and What it Does

Even though we are quite unaware of it, we all speak systemic language. In other words, we all speak the languages of the particular systems we’re involved in—our family system, our business system, our cultural system, the sports system we participate in, etc.

Inherited behaviors include language. Every family system has special little “sayings,” that usually go quite unnoticed. For example, (and I bet most of you have heard these!) “Money doesn’t grow on trees” and “You get what you pay for.” Or how about the socially crippling, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” All these sayings affect your money DNA! They shape your thoughts feelings and actions around money.

We don’t realize it, but words matter. Why? Because they can end up driving subconscious limiting beliefs. If you were raised hearing the words “Relationships don’t last,” it’s a strong possibility that you’ll have difficulty creating lasting intimate relationships in your life. And you probably won’t even understand why.

Limiting Belief Examples

Same thing goes with other examples of systemic language. Every profession, every club, and every sport have their insider lingo. Culturally, we taught a lot of catchy phrases, like “No pain, no gain.” (Thank you, Jane Fonda.) Or “Only the good die young.” (Thank you, Billy Joel.) But what a terrible, unconscious patterns to learn to live by!

Sure, there are positive cultural influences. For example, we’re schooled to believe that developing successful habits and successful thinking is how to be successful in life. But we just can’t escape the less healthy cultural influences. A client of mine, Joe, has two boys. He also has a big heart and is easily touched by kindness and even unkindness. He has been careful to model emotional availability to his sons. And yet, recently, when they all were watching a movie and he found himself moved to tears, he was surprised when his oldest boy admonished him, saying “Dad, men don’t cry.”

Joe knows where that comes from, he’s been told it all his life. He also knows that he is strong and successful. And yet he still feels a little shame when he does cry. He asked me, “Is it possible to be fully male and strong and yet cry?”

I said, “Of course! you just have to keep challenging this commonly held, but erroneous assumption, whenever it rears its head. When you do this, not only does it change the situation for you, but for your sons and other men as well.”

How to Change your Thoughts and Feelings ... and Your Life

As we speak so we think and feel. We are teaching our brain to tell our body a story it can believe. When we change a language pattern, we change our thoughts and emotions. Let’s take money as an example. Many of us speak, and thus believe and act, in alignment with money patterns already in existence. For example, we’re taught that having money is vitally important. We’re also taught that having money is bad, wrong, and greedy. We hear the words, “Money is the root of all evil.”

Yikes! How to create a positive mindset around money with those kinds of conflicting truths?

The difference between those who struggle materially and those who succeed does NOT just hinge on their environment or circumstances. It rests, in very large part, on the systemic language and multigenerational family patterns they inherit and embody. It also depends on your willingness to change limiting systemic language and implement the power of positive words.

Give your Money DNA a Boost

If you have “money issues,” start carefully monitoring how you talk about money. How often do negative money sayings crop up in your mind? How often do you find yourself saying, “Oh, I can’t afford that” or “I wish I could afford that”?

Your money DNA can be changed by asking yourself a simple question: “What if something different is possible? What if I could afford it?” Right there, you’ve opened the door to a whole new possibility.

Do you judge people who have money? Stop it. Instead, find inspiring examples of people who are addressing some of the world’s problems precisely because they have accumulated wealth, been wise stewards, and can put money to good use.

What happens if you begin to view money with respect and even affection? What happens if you say (gasp) “I love money” or “Money and I are good friends!” When you do this—when you change your systemic language around money—you are rewiring your brain AND your life. Imagine that? You are able to change your financial circumstances one new thought, one new feeling, and one new action at a time.

And if you find yourself thinking this kind of simple change won’t make a difference to your finances, I challenge you to look at your limiting systemic language and put one new thought, feeling and action around money into play for one month. Also look out for other kinds of sabotaging thoughts/language/actions, like, “Nothing I do ever works.” Or “It would take an Act of Congress to change my financial situation.”)

Systemic language is HUGE. Changing your language can help you rewire your brain for success and change your money mindset. Explored and employed consciously, you can begin crafting and more fulfilling and exciting life.