Category: Success DNA

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Strengths and Weaknesses Assessment – Your Opportunity for Growth

strengths and weaknesses assessment

Strengths and Weaknesses Assessment - Your Opportunity for Growth

Summoning Strengths from Perceived Weaknesses - Your Strengths & Weaknesses Assessment

A lot of my work with clients, whether in their professional life or personal life, seems to revolve around strengths and opportunities. Or, to put it more plainly, strengths and weaknesses. Why do I equate weaknesses with opportunities? Well, keep reading! 

Unlike traditional strengths assessments or psychometric tests, my approach goes deeper than surface-level test results.

Although we tend to be quick to identify our weaknesses and reluctant to celebrate our strengths, throughout our lives, we are always aware of both. Which means we’re really good at seeing how bad we are. And, because we’re taught from an early age that this is being humble, we think it’s a good thing and accept it.

But this couldn’t be further from the truth! Unfortunately, when it comes to seeing how good we are, when it comes to seeing and acknowledging our personal strengths and natural talents, we can actually be quite blind. Many people focus on weaknesses assessment without recognizing their unique qualities.

When I work with clients, I ask them to write down all their strengths on one side of a piece of paper and all their weaknesses on the other side. This simple strengths and weaknesses assessment process is often more revealing than traditional personality tests or strengths assessment tools. It’s a great way to uncover hidden layers of their own unique strengths that typical free tests might miss. Then I go through each attribute, beginning with their strengths. Then I ask them a series of questions about each one.

  • Who told you you had this strength?
  • What did they tell you, and what did you believe?
  • How old were you?
  • Was there an event attached to this?
  • How has this affected your life?
  • Do you use it to enrich your life?
  • Do you use it to enrich the lives of others?
  • Do you overuse it?
  • Who else in your family has a similar strength?

Sometimes I have to half drag the information out of them. Why? Because they’ve been taught that talking about and celebrating their own strengths and key strengths is arrogant, and that doing so is somehow damaging. This affects their work life and ability to contribute effectively as team members.

Only after we’ve covered their strengths do I move on to their perceived limiting traits. And let me tell you, here people sing like canaries! Most are pretty sure that solving their limiting characteristics will bring about much needed transformation, and that they will finally be “fixed.” And, they’re right, but not for the reasons they think. Because while some of their limiting characteristics may have their origins in their family system, the “fix” they’re looking for begins with them.

Then, I ask them the following questions about their areas of improvement. This assessment method provides valuable insights in different contexts:

  • Who told you you had this weakness?
  • What did they tell you, and what did you believe?
  • How old were you?
  • Was there an event attached to this?
  • How has this affected your life?
  • How much pain has this caused you?
  • Do you use it to shut yourself out of opportunities?
  • Do you use it as an escape clause?
  • Do you overuse it?
  • Has it robbed you of your resilience?
  • What else has it robbed you of?
  • Who else in your family has a similar weakness?
  • Does that weakness really belong to you?

When I ask them, “Who made your strengths and weaknesses a reality?” Eventually, they recognize that they are the ones who have agreed to their limitations. Predictably, they’re a little more reluctant to realize that they are also the ones who have co-created their strengths.

Emotional Imprinting

When we hear things from people in authority and accept those things, they become our new reality. These external factors, coupled with intense emotion (shame, guilt, humiliation, anger, etc.) create what we’re shown or told as an emotional imprint that epigenetically influences our lives and those who come after us.

The magic happens when I ask a client which one of their so-called weaknesses is itching to become a strength, if only it is given a chance. This strengths-based approach to personal development often reveals unrealized strengths and areas of strength that they never recognized. 

For example, I have a client who was told very young that she was terrible at math. She didn’t like how it felt, especially when the cool kids laughed at her in class. She desperately wanted to belong, and so, quite without prompting, she began to tell herself how good she was at math. She started going to her math teacher and asking for one-on-one assistance. The teacher was only too willing to give her extra attention! But the key to her improvement was herself. She was so determined to succeed and belong that she even started doing extra math homework on her own.

In other words, she bet on herself, and that is priceless.

Within six months, her perception of herself had shifted, and within a year, her math grades were top-notch. The cool kids stopped taunting her and were asking her for help instead. 

When I asked her what she had learned during this shift, she was very clear. “Nobody tells me who I am,” she said, “and I don’t ever quit once I’ve decided to do something.” And guess what? Today, that client is a very successful accountant! Who knows where she would have ended up if she had not decided to turn a weakness into a strength!

We Have the Key

The thing is, this is possible for all of us. We all have the keys to transformation at our disposal. We just have to believe in ourselves and create an action plan for positive change. This powerful tool of self-awareness can lead to better outcomes in both our daily lives and professional goals.

Often, I have clients go back to the triggering event behind a weakness and begin to reframe it. This honest self-reflection provides valuable insights in different ways. For example, sticking with “math issues,” I have another client, “Jack,” who was always a straight A student in school. But in the 9th grade, his father was going through a severe mental health crisis, and he and his mother had to flee the house. 

In a heightened state of survival, there was no time to think about math or do math homework. And the next math test in school, he got a “D.” Trying to be a “good kid,” he made no excuses for himself and didn’t ask for help. Rather than blaming his circumstances and his dad’s issues as the source of the problem, he blamed himself. After that triggering event, he told himself he was no good at math.

Now, thoughts are the mechanism of the brain, and emotions are the mechanism of the body. When they are aligned, this alliance creates strong perceptions that we perceive as the truth. Notice the important ingredients: heightened emotion, triggering event, reactive thoughts, feelings, and actions creating a faulty thought pattern with a strong enough emotional force to be interpreted as the truth.

Also, notice that this pattern was never consciously deactivated or debriefed, and so the faulty perception continued on through the years, affecting both his professional development and personal growth.

Once I stepped him through the questions above, Jack saw the assumptions he’d made and saw how he’d kneecapped himself. And he shifted. Because once a client sees what’s happened and changes their thoughts, feelings, and actions around a perceived weakness and begins to see a new potential, the whole game changes. This first step toward reaching their full potential is often the most transformative.

Bottom line, a weakness is simply a strength that hasn’t been activated yet, or a potential strength that was deactivated by some event. And they can be activated and reactivated by you. You have the power to change and become your best self.

Is this a lot of work? Yes, it is. But so is maintaining your so-called weaknesses. Which kind of work would you rather do? The best way forward is to start with a better understanding of yourself and take that crucial step toward transformation. The power is in knowing that you can!

A Systemic Expert & Executive Coach, Judy Wilkins-Smith assists high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe apparent challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance by guiding them through and beyond hidden Emotional DNA patterns. Her books Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint and The Hidden Power in Your DNA are two exciting guides on your journey to purpose.

 

Access your free chapter of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint

Uncover the secrets of your Emotional DNA and start transforming your life today. Get the first chapter of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint by Judy Wilkins-Smith for FREE and take the first step toward remarkable change!
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Discover How to Find Your Superpower and Shine

how to find your superpower

Discover How to Find Your Superpower and Shine

We often think of superpowers as belonging to superstars. What we fail to realize is superstars were people just like us until one day they woke up and saw something in themselves that they wanted to take to the world. And this self-belief encouraged them to form a future vision of what they could accomplish and reach their full potential. And for many of those people, that vision and journey arrived at a later age in life. So take heart!

Not everybody knows they have a superpower. And yet we all do. It’s usually a characteristic that we take for granted, our unique strengths that become second nature to us. You know, like everybody says, you are kind, or have a great sense of humor, or are always so calm in the middle of a storm. Well, all those things are their own superpowers.

Unfortunately, a lot of people aren’t taught to recognize such character traits as important, let alone as a superpower. As a result, those individual strengths of ours can’t show up for us and take us all the places we want to go. And yet such qualities add tremendous value to others in the world around us. Kindness, humor, calm in a storm—those traits can be huge assets in the context of your work. Certainly, they make us better friends, lovers, and partners!

Maybe you’ve had such a superpower for years. Maybe your natural gift is an extension of your family system. Perhaps everyone in your family is service-oriented… in politics, medicine, law, construction, and you’re wired that way too. Or maybe you’ve recognized something about yourself recently, your crazy ability to put the right people together to get things done. Or maybe you’ve recognized that you just see straight to the core issue of everything, and you choose to cultivate that talent further. No matter how it shows up, when you truly invest in your innate abilities, you get to shine and create meaningful work.

Consciously investing in your own strengths will take you as far as you want to go. “But what if I don’t know what my superpower is?” you ask. Great! Glad you asked! 

Let’s look at places where you might find your superpower.

Superpower Locations

  • Look at where you feel comfortable, happy, and capable. And excited! This is often where your greatest strength emerges.
  • Notice your default behavior in times of stress or times of excellence. These moments reveal your extraordinary abilities
  • Significant events as a child (Perhaps a parent became incapacitated, and you had to take over, developing your leadership role early.)
  • Illnesses (Severe illnesses tend to mature children very quickly and make them resilient, often creating a strong ability to handle challenges.)
  • Things your parents told you about yourself. (You’re smart, funny, athletic.) Look for the common thread in their observations.
  • Things your teachers told you about you (You’re smart, helpful, socially adept.) These insights often point to your unique superpowers
  • Things you’ve told yourself about yourself. No! Not the bad stuff! The good stuff! (I’m resilient. I’m patient. I’m flexible.) This creative thinking about your own qualities matters.
  • Choices you’ve made about yourself. (I will be reliable. I will be forgiving.)
  • Decisions you made about others (I can’t trust anyone else to take care of me. There are smart people out there, I’m going to learn from them.)
  • Big dreams (I’m going to become a doctor/millionaire/best mother/most famous …)
  • Any callings (Any deep interests.)
  • Sufferings/sacrifices (Doing without, putting in extra time at sport, pushing yourself at something.) These experiences often build the foundation for making a positive difference
  • Promises (“Dear God, if you … I will ….”)
  • Secrets (I will keep your secret and keep you safe, even at my cost.)
  • Successes (In school, at work, at home, in sports, in talents, in finance, in relationships)
  • Failures (family, finances, marriage, loss of a job)

In every one of the categories listed above, you have a chance to discover your superpower(s). And then you get to maximize and run with what shows up for you (and in you). But if you don’t pay attention, what happens is just what happens, and opportunity passes you by. For example, you’re good at computers and you’re good at programming and you LOVE gaming. You hear about modding (modifying other people’s game programs online) and feel a thrill of excitement rise inside. I can do that!! You think. But then you forget about it and stick with your regular programming job at a tech firm because the money’s good and you know the routine. That’s you not paying attention.

At home, are you the one in charge, the great support, the comforter, the sensible one, the one who brings joy? At work, are you the dependable one, the decision maker, the gatekeeper, the entrepreneur, the life of the party? All of these are skills. Once you invest in them, they become superpowers. But you have to BELIEVE in that part of you first!

Sturdy Companions

I’ll repeat. Desire and self-belief form the foundation and are the loyal companions of all superpowers. Self-belief does not allow for trash-talking or deviation from your desired path. And if that does happen, self-belief is what gets you back on track. Desire helps you to lock onto purpose and stick with a dream until its final outcome. Desire and self-belief are two of the most important things to cultivate in order for a superpower to flourish.

Your superpower is also your rocket fuel. And when you tie it to a purpose, you can go far. For example, if your superpower is vision, you just see the what and wherefore in situations and what people should be doing to maximize outcomes for themselves. Tie that to a purpose to help people while simultaneously making a good living, and you’re on your way to developing a great consulting business. Your superpower and your purpose will pull you past excuses and reasons for staying stuck. But you have to ACTIVATE them and follow through.

Stephen Hawking gave humanity some of the most incredible insights into the universe, and yet, for a considerable part of his life, he was wheelchair bound and could not even use his voice. That did not deter his superpower, which was imagination and thinking outside the box. And it didn’t derail his purpose, which was sharing what he saw. Therein lies the key. He committed to growing that superpower and that purpose every day. And the excitement that generated vaulted him beyond the most incredible limitations. He showed up, even when his body was completely incapacitated, which is a characteristic of a superpower. We show up for it over and over until it becomes the norm.

Not everyone is a Stephen Hawking. But that doesn’t matter. You’re YOU. And you have gifts that you can turn into superpowers. And that is called actualizing your human potential, one thought, one feeling, and one action at a time. The minute you truly say “YES!” to a desire and purpose and hook it up to those qualities that make you uniquely you, your thoughts, feelings, and actions change. And when you stick to it, it all locks into place head, heart, gut … whole body. Truly. 

Most people stop just short of finally activating their superpower. They turn around at the threshold, lacking the belief that they have it or that it’s meaningful enough. So, quit being so darned scared that you don’t have a superpower and know that it is part of your Emotional DNA. Everybody has one or more. We humans are, however, extremely skittish about owning it. Our biggest fear is that we will actually succeed and have to show up and work hard and take responsibility for our superpower and its effects. And yet it’s our greatest joy. 

PRO TIP:

  • Use elevated emotions. Gratitude, joy, love, curiosity, and excitement are some of the strongest emotions you can use to get you through resistance and all the way to where you want to be. They don’t allow you to quit. 
  • Commit to driving strategies such as always showing up, asking questions, relentlessness, acknowledging successes, embracing belief in positive outcomes, and resilience.
  • Move out of your comfort zone. Don’t be afraid to try something new.
  • Always ask yourself: What more can I do to grow my superpower?
  • Avoid trash-talking, self-doubt, tiredness, and giving up. They are the enemies of superpowers. 
  • Avoid lower emotions such as anger, hatred, despair, apathy, sadness, and hopelessness.

Remember: Your superpower must inspire and excite you. That is the quality of a superpower. And its power is revealed as people around you acknowledge it in their conversations with you. Pay attention. Activate your potential and finally see the incredible being that you are and the amazing things you can accomplish with your superpower!

A Systemic Expert & Executive Coach, Judy Wilkins-Smith assists high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe apparent challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance by guiding them through and beyond hidden Emotional DNA patterns. Her books Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint and The Hidden Power in Your DNA are two exciting guides on your journey to purpose.

 

Access your free chapter of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint

Uncover the secrets of your Emotional DNA and start transforming your life today. Get the first chapter of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint by Judy Wilkins-Smith for FREE and take the first step toward remarkable change!
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How to Unlock the Law of Manifestation and Attraction

law of manifestation

How to Unlock the Law of Manifestation and Attraction

Inner Demons, Angels and Manifestation

Let’s talk about the Law of Manifestation. It’s always a hot topic. Everybody thinks they can do it, and the fact is, they’re right. The problem is, given our systemic roots, we tend to be really, really good at manifesting negative thoughts and things we don’t want rather than the angels and what we do want!

The thing about the Law of Manifestation is that it simply requires alignment of head, heart, and gut—something we humans are not very good at when it comes to what we want. I always describe it as being like baby Merlin with an untrained wand. Magic things happen in fits and starts, but he’s not quite sure how to get consistent results with the doggone thing.

Similarly, the rest of us humans are able to summon up anger, sadness, disappointment, regret, guilt, self-blame and negative self-talk at a snap of our fingers. But we seem to be unable to use our magic to do the same for the great things we want in life. And the question is, “Why”? 

Well, think about it. How many consistently good experiences do we have in our daily life that train us to expect good things to consistently come? The answer for most of us is “not so many.” And a lot of people seem to be completely at peace with that. After all, our family system and our social system tell us not everybody gets to be rich, famous, or happy. They tell us only a few lucky souls get to hit the jackpot, usually quite by accident. And the result of this kind of thinking is, as I said, like baby Merlin running amuck with his subconscious mind, unable to manifest his dream life through powerful tools like vision boards.

The Competition Queen

But there are the uncommon exceptions to the rule. Helen Hadsell was known as the American Competition Queen because she won just about every competition she entered. She even won a house which was showcased at the 1964–65 New York World’s Fair. She was so consistent in her winning she eventually ended up lecturing and holding workshops on positive thoughts. 

How did she do it? Well, Helen said she was always fully prepared to win and expected to win. It never crossed her mind that she wouldn’t. When most people entered a contest, they filled out the form, stuck a stamp on it, dropped it in the mailbox and then forgot about it. When she entered the competition to win that house, she entered the competition, then sat down and drew up the plans for its design. On the day the winner was to be announced, she sat by her phone and waited for the call. And she wasn’t disappointed. 

Helen understood something at a very deep level. When your thoughts, feelings, and inspired action are aligned, there is no disagreement in your being on any level. You are not doubting. You are not unconsciously hitting the brakes. You’re full-on sure you’re going to win. Helen had trained her head, heart, and gut to be in a state of agreement around whatever competition she entered. Instead of forgetting about it, or harboring limiting beliefs, she would use creative visualization to think about the prize, how it would feel to have it, and what she would do with it. She maintained a positive mindset and stayed in the present moment, free from negative energy that could sabotage her success. Her approach represents one of the best ways to achieve financial abundance in your own life. In other words, the runway for that prize was clear all the way from takeoff to coming back down into her hands to land, demonstrating the powerful tool of aligned intention. 

The Doubt Demon

Now, I’m sure I can hear you saying that you’ve tried positive statements before. But I’m also 100 percent sure that the little voices of doubt crept in there somewhere. After all, doubt is a global meta pattern we’re all subject to. And yet, you know how to manifest. You do it all the time when you want something small. You want it. That’s it. You don’t worry or doubt about it. You simply want it and you go get it. 

This is you fully present, anticipating your ‘prize’ and getting it. And you do that many times per day in your everyday life. From something as simple as what you want on your toast to where you want to go shopping for a new coat. You might be on a budget, but you are going to get what you are after. 

Helen simply chose to want really big things instead of really little things. She tuned out the pesky multi-generational voices saying “You can’t,” and focused on what she wanted and what would bring her and those around her fulfilment and joy. Her approach is one of the most effective manifestation techniques for achieving your best life. And her method was simple. She called it the SPEC Method: Select, Project, Expect, Collect – these actionable steps represent the first step toward creating your ideal life. That simple. And please take note: There isn’t a “D” for doubt, or “F” for fear or “FP” for family patterns in that formula. She didn’t invite her negative feelings or negative experiences into the picture. Instead, she maintained a positive state of mind and positive energy, which played a vital role in her success. 

A Simple Exercise

  • Grab a spiral gratitude journal or an empty notebook.
  • Write down your deepest desires on the first line and pay attention. Can you hear all of those voices instantly telling you that you can’t have it? And why? 

Welcome to the world of your systems. Now let’s break through that noise and get more of what you want – this is a great way to shift from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset:

  • Looking at what you want, explain to yourself why this is a good thing for your mental well-being.
  • Every time you hear a dissenting voice, write what it says on a separate page. (You are going to become really good at spotting systemic language that doesn’t serve you.)
  • Assign the excuse an owner. For example, “You can’t have that, it’s too expensive.” – Dad.
  • Go back to what you want and write down all the reasons why what you want is a good thing. Assign that an owner too. For example, “I want you to have this because I couldn’t.” – Mom.
  • Keep writing down all the reasons for having it and assign them owners. 

When you reach reason that has no owner other than you, you have just hit a pure desire. It belongs to only you. It is part of your path. When all the little demons and the voices of others who harbored them are silent and you are looking at what belongs to only you, listen for the whispers of the angels. The ones encouraging you to go towards your desire. 

Now that you’ve chosen what you purely want, it’s time to just imagine it. And please, don’t strain your brain on this! So many people think they have to go after what they want with gritted teeth and a furrowed brow. Not true! This is just more programming. Effort and strain do not equal manifestation. Effort often means you are fighting an ancestral battle. 

With all the resistant noise out of the way, simply relax into imagining, enjoying, and expecting what’s to come. Know that you’ve aligned your head, heart, and gut, and wait for the result.

I recently watched a program with 1,000 contestants who eventually got whittled down to one winner. It was fascinating to watch the faces and body language of the participants. You could clearly see who was going to win and who was going to lose ahead of time. Their ancestry and the little voices that accompanied them were clearly in evidence, taking down the contestants one by one. 

The final winner was the one who had the clearest, most detailed vision and purpose. When the host asked the winner what he would do with the money, there wasn’t even a flicker of a pause. He could articulate it quickly and clearly. When asked how he could be so calm, he said he’d been preparing for this for a long time, and knew the final prize was his.

Your manifesting breakthroughs are no different. Stay true to your choices and vision and do not allow little demons or dissenting voices to come through. Align head, heart, and gut with the prize you want. When you take full responsibility for who you are and all that you want, then it can be yours.

A Systemic Expert & Executive Coach, Judy Wilkins-Smith assists high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe apparent challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance by guiding them through and beyond hidden Emotional DNA patterns. Her books Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint and The Hidden Power in Your DNA are two exciting guides on your journey to purpose.

 

Access your free chapter of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint

Uncover the secrets of your Emotional DNA and start transforming your life today. Get the first chapter of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint by Judy Wilkins-Smith for FREE and take the first step toward remarkable change!
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How to Manifest Miracles & Create What You Want in Life

how to manifest miracles

How to Manifest Miracles & Create What You Want in Life

Want a Miracle? Here’s How

The thing about miracles is that, very often, as soon as we put in our request, we shoot ourselves in the foot. We really, really want something and don’t know how it’s going to happen. But our heart is trusting and open and says, “I’m very, very sure about this miracle!” It may even say, “I see it done!” Which is a really solid approach to take for understanding the manifestation process. Until the poison sneaks in and starts sewing doubt. “Aw, it’s not gonna happen,” you think. “How can that possibly happen?” And then, surprise! It doesn’t happen.

Any clues as to the origins of those doubts? If you said, your family system and the beliefs in that system, you are quite right. Very few of us are taught to believe in miracles growing up. So into the family systemic trance we go. And instead of being excited about life’s possibilities, we let negative thoughts control us and berate ourselves for having stupid thoughts and dreams. The power of your mind is incredible, but often we don’t harness it properly because we haven’t developed the positive thinking necessary to manifest what we truly desire.

Even the most enlightened among us are able to kickstart a dialogue of self-doubt (aka miracle destruction). It goes a little like this: “I’m almost sure __X__ is going to happen. But what if it doesn’t? I don’t want to invest too much time and energy on it if I’m only going to end up disappointed.” We don’t want to fail. And we also don’t want to feel like a fool for believing a miracle can occur.  Understanding the law of attraction means recognizing how these thought patterns affect our outcomes.

I hear from so many people things like, “When I was small, I wished for a pony. When I didn’t get one, I realized the stupidity of wishing.” So instead of hoping and believing, we go raid the refrigerator instead. At least we know we can count on that. This disconnects us from the present moment where miracles actually begin to take form.

Can You Spell Sabotage?

So, if you are almost sure of the miracle, why are you riddling it with verbal bullets? Where is the harm in being 100 percent invested in a miracle and believing it all the way to the finish line? Are you so fragile that what you deem to be a failure might stop you from ever wishing for anything again? The power of your thoughts has more influence than you may realize.

It’s really important to find out where in your system the ‘no’ to your miracles lies. If you don’t, your heart may be open to wonderful things, but your head and gut are always going to start an opposing discussion out of unconscious loyalty to the family system. Creating clear intentions is a powerful way to override these limiting family patterns. Explore your life and the lives of your family members. Whose voices are in your head saying you can’t expect good things to happen? Whose voices and attitudes are stomping on your heart’s dreams? 

Your head, heart, and gut must be in agreement for a miracle to manifest. Your heart has to be open and excited. Your mind has to be open and your thoughts positive. Your gut has to have that knowing feeling that “Yes! This is happening!”  If head, heart, and gut are not in alignment, we argue the miracle out of existence. We create blind spots and cannot see the miracle, even if it is right in front of us. 

For example, take the head. We need it to be clear about what we want. After all, this is the substance of miracles, right? Clearly ask and ye shall receive. So far, so good. But then the head starts to argue for all the reasons why it can’t logically happen. The family motto, “Everything we make is by the sweat of our brow,” kicks in. Or we recall grandma saying “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” 

This seems to keep us safe because thinking this way we are in harmony with the rest of humanity who wish miracles happen but are scared to believe in them. We default to our logical grown-up selves and kill it right there. 

Now, let’s move to the heart. In a moment when we are feeling good and trusting life, we ask for a miracle. We are grateful. We’re experiencing elevated emotions, and get excited. And then the head comes knocking and explains to the heart why we don’t deserve it or shouldn’t go after it or it can’t happen. And with that little prompt the heart gets into a place of hurt and closes. 

Now, with the brain and heart misaligned, the gut, also referred to as our second brain, receives a signal that something is off, and immediately its danger signs begin flashing. If the feeling is strong enough, it sends you to the cupboard for an antacid or an antianxiety tablet. Can you see why you drop the idea of a miracle like a red-hot potato? And how many times do you think you have talked yourself out of a miracle at the last minute and walked away just before it unfolded because of this? 

What If ...

Chances are that at some point in your life, no matter how small that event was, you have experienced a time when everything went right, and you walked out with a win. It was a miracle, but you forgot to catch it, recognize it, harness it, debrief it, celebrate it, and accept it for the miracle it was. Recognizing these moments is the first step in understanding your own power.

Stop and think about one of those moments. It’s very likely you were “all-in.” You were on a high vibration that was demonstrating head, heart, gut alignment. And when what you wanted came to fruition. But, because you were never taught that this was the stuff of miracles, you missed it. 

So, what might happen if, for once, you consciously invested in a miracle and followed its trail with an open heart, an open mind, and a settled gut? What different outcome might you have? Making this a daily practice could transform your entire perspective on what’s possible.

Think about buying a special gift for someone you love. You don’t put obstacles in front of that. Your head, heart, and gut all say “Yes!” You may have a momentary concern, but you have enough energy to push through that hesitation. When you see the joy on the face of the recipient, you feel good about yourself. You know you did something right. Remember that feeling, because that is what you are after when you co-create a miracle.

Why do I say co-create? Because the miracle couldn’t have been born without you taking responsibility for making the ask. You are responsible for wanting, asking, and receiving that miracle. But you are also asking the universe/life for something and then receiving. It’s a co-creation. You are also creating something new within your family system: Hope, possibilities and miracles!

Miracle Practice

So, the next time you want a miracle, don’t hold back – go all in. Give hope and miracles a chance. Take your foot off the brake and hit the accelerator hard. Every single thing in the world is in existence because someone was willing to make the request and receive. Now it’s your turn! But there are a few things to keep in mind.

  • Don’t discuss your dream and set yourself up for expectations and failure.
  • Don’t quit! The only time you fail is when you quit too early, and you usually quit too early because your head, heart, and gut are not aligned.
  • Don’t psych yourself out by listening to family programming.
  • Start noticing the many miracles around you. Life is a miracle, remember?
  • Consciously invest in creating and feeling positive emotions. High-level emotions create a field of energy that magnetizes good things.

When you create a goal and invest in it, nothing on this Earth is going to stop you from getting there. If you don’t believe me, think about the smaller things in life you want to receive. You want a frozen yogurt, and as soon as you decide that’s what you want, nothing will stop you from getting it. Right?

The more you ask for and believe/invest in your dreams with an open heart, the more you increase your determination and clarity, the more you enhance you Emotional DNA, which is the doorway to your miracles. Practice, practice, practice. Amazing things will happen when you do.

A Systemic Expert & Executive Coach, Judy Wilkins-Smith assists high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe apparent challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance by guiding them through and beyond hidden Emotional DNA patterns. Her books Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint and The Hidden Power in Your DNA are two exciting guides on your journey to purpose.

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How to Change Your Thinking Patterns and Create Happiness

how to change your thinking patterns

How to Change Your Thinking Patterns and Create Happiness

What will you be giving thanks for next year?

Bert Hellinger, the founder of Systemic Work & Constellations, once said, “It takes courage to live a happy life.” And the guy truly wasn’t kidding. What he didn’t say, however, is that developing that courage is worth it! But how do we start to change our thinking patterns to create a more fulfilling life?

The First Step to Change

Courageous people tend to lead happy and fulfilling lives. They also tend to treat life like an adventure … sometimes even like a business adventure! In the process, like all good business strategists, they often sit down and dream about how they would like things to be in a year’s time—or maybe two or three years down the road. 

Taking the first step toward changing thinking patterns, such as replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations, can be transformative

Have you ever done this? Spent quality time sincerely contemplating what it is you desire to create and have in your future? If you haven’t, I cannot stress enough how important this is. 

This is not just wishful thinking. It’s about identifying and cognitively restructuring your thought process, which can shift negative feelings into a positive mindset, helping you create new thought patterns. 

With each positive statement you make, you build what you want, thought by careful thought, positive thought by positive thought, action by action.

Happy Holidays

The holidays are a particularly fertile and festive time of year to engage in practices that cultivate a positive outlook. At about this time each year, I always take time out to envision what I will be thankful for this time next year. 

By imagining a desired future and engaging with it emotionally, I’m not just thinking—I’m rewiring my brain to break out of common cognitive distortions and replace negative thinking patterns with positive ways of thinking. 

In so doing, I am not just imagining what I want. I am forward creating a future I really desire, drawing on a rich harvest of tools from systemic work, constellations, neuroscience, epigenetics, and the vast potential of human experience. 

The fun thing is, when I build “future nows” in my mind in 3D, I get more excited about my life. I am more engaged and committed to the journey. After all, imagining and going after something I really want feels a whole lot less like work and more like play. And it’s even more satisfying knowing that by doing this process—imagining my future while feeling the emotions I will feel in the future when this dream comes to fruition.

I am literally rewiring my brain for success, making the desired outcome all the more certain. As I pointed out in my last blog, when we visualize a desired future and engage with it emotionally, our brain starts to treat the dream as if it’s already happening. And then, no surprise, it happens!

Rewiring the brain

This ability to rewire our thinking patterns and behaviors allows us to cultivate resilience and positivity, both of which help us bring what we want into focus and into being.

Another thing that helps shift habits and old brain patterns is gratitude. By this time next year, you want to be grateful for the mental, emotional, and physical shifts you’ve made and the results those shifts have generated. 

Habits of gratitude, mindfulness, and positive thinking integrated into daily life yield mega results. But you have to embrace those new habits with genuine enthusiasm which can juice you up and get you over the finish line. 

Regular practices like meditation, journaling, visioning—whatever exercises you decide to do will then reshape your brain, making gratitude a natural response rather than a forced exercise.

Daily Gratitude

I remember the days when I used to internally grumble about “having to be grateful” as an effective practice to getting what I want. Now I am more inclined to feel ripped off if I haven’t had that daily dose of gratitude.

Developing a daily gratitude practice for what I have received and what I will receive in the future has truly changed my life. It has fostered a deep appreciation for the small joys of daily life, and it has made life easier when the going gets tough.

Like so many other people around the world, in the last three years my family and I have experienced some category 5 hurricane level life traumas. Through it all, we remembered the importance of gratitude. 

And yes, some days it was gratitude for simple things—like having a strong cup of coffee to help get going in the morning. Or having an operational cell phone to keep in touch with family members when it was all hitting the fan.

Another thing that helped get us through is what I and my family now call the “Puppies and Kittens Practice.” 

This particular exercise came from my daughter one day when we’d just experienced some setbacks. We were sitting at the kitchen table, facing some tough decisions, when she suddenly said: “Mom, can we just talk puppies and kittens for a while?” In other words, could we just talk about the light stuff—the fun stuff—for a while.

I mean, who doesn’t enjoy watching cat or dog videos on YouTube? “Puppies and kittens” is now a thing in our home when the going gets rough. And then there is a moment of gratitude just for experiencing the brief relief. This is how we give our brains a break and how we train ourselves to be resilient in even the worst situations.

Mindfulness

Epigenetics teaches us that the events we experience, both positive and negative events, and our reactions to them can influence gene expression. This means that the choices we make today can impact not only our health but also the wellbeing of future generations. 

But it takes mindfulness techniques and presence in the moment to remember to pay attention to our emotions and thoughts during stressful times. Negative self-talk or unhelpful thoughts can sometimes arise, and it takes consistent effort to maintain a positive mindset instead of falling into common cognitive distortions.

I remember being overwhelmed by what was coming at me. At one point, I very much wanted to scream and run away from it all. And then, thankfully, I remembered, “Wait a minute! This is a life-shaping event. Pay attention!” 

I stopped in the hallway and said to myself: “Judy! Remember, your thoughts, feelings, decisions, and actions right now are shaping your future and your family’s future.”

Instead of staying in that panicked, reactive state, I took a few deep breaths and then mindfully chose how I wanted to feel, think, and act in that specific situation. This choice to replace negative emotions with rational thoughts and positive ways of thinking helped me actively shift my emotions and thoughts. 

And you know what? I got through it. Better than that, I got through it surprisingly easily.

Ever since then, I often remind myself of this mindfulness practice. Yes, I realize this takes time and discipline, but do you want to reactively sit in the same place, facing the same issues again this time next year? I sure don’t! 

And guess what? Remembering to practice mindfulness and shifting your thoughts and emotions in the moment is yet another thing to be grateful for! You can be grateful you remembered, grateful you used a powerful tool, and grateful you followed through and made the needed shifts.

See how this all works together? 

By prioritizing mindful thinking, feeling, and emotional well-being, you will have contributed to a healthier genetic expression. Instead of activating fear hormones that can harm mental health, you will be activating joy and fulfillment hormones, which are health generators. 

And then you get to appreciate and be thankful for the vibrant energy and resilience you’ve cultivated, which not only benefits you but also positively influences those around you, such as family members and friends you care for and love.

Embracing Human Potential

Human potential is vast, and recognizing your own potential can be transformative. It’s not about having everything now but about taking the first step to overcome negative self-talk and open up to positive ways of thinking. By shifting your thought process and creating new thought patterns, you begin to move past negative thinking patterns that limit you and instead embrace positive changes in all areas that matter to you.

Next year, I’ll celebrate the progress I’ve made in pursuing my passions and dreams. Through setting intentions, using positive affirmations, and practicing mindfulness techniques, I’ll discover new skills and interests. 

The confidence gained from leaving my comfort zone and challenging common cognitive distortions will be a source of immense gratitude. I’ll look back on a year where negative emotions and unhelpful thoughts were transformed into positive contributions to my life, enabling me to explore uncharted territories of my potential.

By this time next year, I will be thankful for the positive influences in my relationships, the positive mindset shifts, and the good things I’ve cultivated through consistent effort in my daily life. 

Each of these positive experiences will be reminders of the power of intention, the benefits of positive self-talk, and the beauty of living with courage and purpose.

These goals are what I’m dreaming of and striving toward this year. How about you?

We are either our own prison keepers or our own liberators. Let me take you on a journey into courage and truth-telling at my special Disney World event: From Fear to Freedom, November 1-4. It will be an adventure! For more information please check  click here.

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How to Change the Past: Creating Future Memories

How to Change the Past

How to Change the Past: Creating Future Memories

Be Thankful for What You Are About to Receive

“Future memories” may seem like a paradox, but they refer to something profoundly powerful: the act of creating a vision of the future that is so vivid, we experience it as though it were happening right now. This is not merely daydreaming, it’s a purposeful and fruitful practice grounded in systemic work, family constellations, neuroscience, and epigenetics.

How to Change the Past

As you know, many of our present challenges often stem from unresolved issues within our family system, passed down through generations—what I call inherited Emotional DNA patterns. However, just as these inherited influences shape us, we can consciously reshape them. Epigenetics show us that our genes are not our fate but can indeed be molded to become a great destiny. By acknowledging and resolving inherited influences, we create space for new possibilities in our lives. Addressing Emotional DNA patterns not only releases us from the past—it opens us up by freeing us to imagine a future unburdened by past limitations.

Once we acknowledge old patterns and know what we want to experience instead, we can then apply the knowledge gained from neuroscience to create a whole new reality for ourselves. Because the human brain doesn’t distinguish between real events and vividly imagined ones (both can leave a strong imprint on our neural pathways, as well as influence our inherited epigenetic patterns), by passionately imagining a new future in the present moment, we break free from old patterns and create space for new potentials.

By rehearsing the experiences and things we want to have in our future, we rewire our brains, change old limiting patterns, and bring what we desire into reality. This kind of future visualization is, of course, a common practice amongst successful athletes and performers. When not physically practicing, they mentally go over their every move, seeing themselves experiencing what they wish to bring into reality—setting that world record or performing that concerto note perfect for their audience. Not only do they imagine these things, they get deeply emotionally involved with the fantasy. They feel the exhilaration of the win. They feel the pride surging through their chests as the audience rises to its feet in a standing ovation for their performance.

Because the brain is incredibly plastic with the ability to rewire itself in response to our thoughts and experiences, we thus actively set that future into motion. When we repeatedly visualize a desired future while emotionally engaging with it—feeling the experience—our brain starts to treat it as if it’s already happening. Through vivid imagination and elevated emotional connection, we effectively train our brain to experience the future now. Each time we picture and emotionally experience this future, we strengthen the neural circuits associated with it, making it feel more real and more achievable. Our brain, in turn, becomes aligned with creating that reality.

Attitude of Gratitude

When we envision a future filled with success, love, or fulfillment and engage with that vision emotionally, we send a powerful signal to our head, heart, and gut, our family systems, the Universe, and our subconscious mind that we are ready to receive those experiences. In other words, we are fully aligned.

Another thing that plays a critical role in this process is gratitude. When we give thanks for a future outcome as though it’s already occurred, we also prime our brain to believe it’s real. Gratitude reinforces positive neural pathways, helping to bring that envisioned future into clearer focus, fostering a state of focus, readiness and expectation that greatly improves the odds of those future outcomes manifesting.

Of course, gratitude also has remarkable effects on our emotional and biological well-being. Practicing gratitude lowers stress levels, improves mental health, and influence gene expression. By cultivating gratitude for our future memories that we are creating, we enhance our ability to manifest those outcomes both psychologically and biologically. Being thankful for what you are about to receive creates a field state of coherence which is critical to manifestation. By vividly experiencing the future in the present, you are laying the foundation for a reality that is both intentional and deeply aligned with your highest potential.

Steps to Creating Your Future Now

As we enter the holiday season, I highly recommend that you seriously consider what you want to change in your life. What do you want to experience? More fulfilling work? More quality relationships? More time for yourself? More money? A new home? A special vacation? As we approach the end of the year, this is the perfect time to set new dreams into motion and take action to learn how to change the past. In the next week, be sure to set aside time for yourself to:

  • Take stock of your life
  • What limiting patterns are you aware of? What’s holding you back from the life you want to live?
  • Are there family patterns involved? Are others in your family dealing with the same or similar issues?
  • Recognize that epigenetic patterns of the past do NOT determine your future. YOU are in charge of your life. No one and no thing else.
  • Thank old limiting patterns—they once had a purpose for being there in your family and in your life. Your simple desire to move on makes you the change-maker.
  • Make a list of the experiences/situations/people/material things you want to bring into your life next year.
  • Make sure you are emotionally engaged and deeply passionate about these desires/dreams.
  • Take time every day to imagine yourself being and having what you most desire. Some of the most fertile times to do this is right before sleep and just as you are waking up in the morning. Take advantage of those more meditative, receptive alpha-wave states.
  • Get passionate! Feel yourself doing, being, having your dream. Get into it!
  • Be thankful for what you are about to receive.

And remember, the holidays are a special time. The “vibe” for the next few weeks is magical. Use it. Ride the energy waves of possibility, gratitude and new beginnings!

We are either our own prison keepers or our own liberators. Let me take you on a journey into courage and truth-telling at my special Disney World event: From Fear to Freedom, November 1-4. It will be an adventure! For more information please check  click here.

Emotional DNA
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What is Organizational DNA? Building Organizational Success

Organizational DNA

What is Organizational DNA? Building Organizational Success

By now you understand that you have emotional DNA and family DNA and multi-generational DNA. But I wonder if you’ve considered the fact that there is also something called organizational DNA? So, what is organizational DNA? It’s all of those common goals, core values, and unwritten rules that you stumble into at work. Like if you’re not the first one in and the last one out, forget the promotion. That is part of an organization’s DNA.

Just like your emotional DNA is a result of the pattern of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions, organizational DNA is not too different. An event happens, or an idea pops in, or a need comes up, and an organization is created around the thoughts, feelings, and actions around the event, idea or need. Simon Sinek, author and inspirational speaker on business leadership, refers to this as the big “why.” What created this company and the organization’s culture? What was the spark behind it?

Competitive edge

To operate effectively and happily within the idiosyncratic characteristics of a company (never mind coming to hold a competitive advantage), you’ve got to understand what drives the company and the important implications thereof. And it may not be the same as what created the company. For example, you may have a service-oriented company that was created because there were not X services for customers. Okay, that was the first step—the spark. But what drives the company forward and takes it to success? It’s not just that you’re meeting customer needs. Perhaps the strategic factor is that you’re ethical. You are honorable. You deliver great service. You know, all those “mottos” and taglines that you hear people use when they talk about a company? What are those driving factors?

It helps to know the faces behind those driving “mottos.” Who is responsible for their creation? Did the company “motto” originate with the CEO? The boards of directors? Were they created as part of the vision and mission statement? Or did they evolve out of the workplace itself? And if they did, what does this mean? Well, if the mottos and drivers evolve out of the workplace itself, for one thing, it indicates that the company is fluid and dynamic and quite possibly a stimulating work environment to be engaged in. And a challenging one.

There are so many different company organizational structures to consider, it’s kind of hard to think about it. You might be looking at a company that is package driven, customer service driven, or education driven. Once you identify the structure, then the next step is to determine the organization’s purpose. In education, it would be something like “creating a better world by creating smarter, happier kids.” In consumer packaging, it would be things like, “What best practices can meet customer needs and make our products appeal to consumers so that they buy them.” Or “What workforce development will demonstrate a family business’s sophistication? All that is your organizational DNA.

Strategic moves

Obviously, anybody walking into a company really wants to do a bit of a study of the organizational DNA model they’re getting involved with. And by the way, when I work with companies, I often find that a company’s motto or mission statement—even a single word or a phrase can throw you off the mark when it comes to grasping the most authentic organizational pieces. Interestingly enough, Tesla Motors is actually a great example of what I’m talking about here. At Tesla, the stated company mission is “to accelerate the advent of sustainable transport by bringing compelling mass market electric cars to market as soon as possible.”

If I’m an engineer, or a production floor manager, or an automotive designer just coming into the company, looking at the mission statement I’d immediately assume that high-performance teams geared towards creating efficiency and fast product design were the primary elements behind Tesla’s organizational DNA. And I’d be totally wrong making that logical assumption! I’m not saying that high-performance teams driving rapid product design are not a part of Tesla’s organizational DNA. They are. But to understand the other equally important drivers in the organizational DNA of the whole company, you have to investigate the mindset and values of the man behind Tesla Motors itself—CEO Elon Musk.

Alongside mass market accessibility, what actually makes Tesla … well, Tesla, is CEO Elon Musk’s vision to create beauty—form and function—as well as to offer an exceptionally high-quality driving experience that just happens to be housed in a sustainable, electric vehicle. Which means if I come in the door and hit the ground running making operational decisions around trying to slam a product together to get a mass market electric car to market as soon as possible, I’m in deep trouble.

Understanding the words and the motivation behind them are so important when investigating a company’s organizational DNA. Here’s another confusing example. Quite often a company will maintain that “We are a heart-centered organization.” While what this may well be referring to is a relationally-oriented company (more on this shortly), in many people’s minds those words have important implications, often translating as a “not for profit company.” At the very least, saying you are a “heart-centered organization” bears the misleading cachet of being a workplace where nobody really does very well. And that kind of negative organizational language can have potential investors, C-suite executives, and other talented people backing away without looking into the organization any further.

Strategic thinking

Perhaps it was exactly these kinds of erroneous, knee-jerk associations senior managers at Tesla were trying to avoid when they created the “mass market electric car” mission statement. Perhaps their years of experience creating coherent business strategy told them few people would easily believe a high-quality, high-performance, mass-market electric car would be possible? So, the decision makers created an overtly practical mission that would match customer needs and expectations, figuring as a resilient organization with resilient team players, current staff and new employees would manage to navigate the idiosyncratic characteristics of a company like Tesla headed by such an idiosyncratic leader as Musk and be able to just go with the flow and get the impossible job done!

As you can see, with organizational DNA there are so many different underlying factors in play. It’s knowing the words and phrases and the driving ideas that form the DNA that keeps everybody coming to either buy from you or work for you. But it’s also such things as, does this company understand money and its place? What is its strategic planning, economically speaking? Is it a data-driven company or a family-driven company, which tends to be much more relational in its day-to-day operations? (We will get into this shortly.) What creates the structure of this company? What are the building blocks? What’s the competitive advantage? Scarce resources? Major changes in the market? How does it maintain its competitive edge? How does it function economically? These are all components of organizational DNA that you need to understand in order to maximize your time and your efficiency in that company.

Data-driven vs relationship-driven companies

Systems are very elegant creatures. What we don’t work out in our family systems, we will often look to work out in our organizational systems, or what we can’t work out in the organization we then take it back home. Very often if you look at the leader of a company, you can pretty much tell what’s going on in their family by what’s going on in the organization and vice versa. So, they are always in service of each other.

Which finally brings me to data-driven versus relationship-driven companies. Data-driven and relationship-driven companies are two very, very different animals. The former is transactional—it’s about product, details, the Deal, business units, high-performance teams, and organizational performance. The latter is about relationships and HOW you get to the end result every bit as much as the result itself. It’s the kind of company whose organizational DNA is built upon the transformative power of strong leadership, which includes things like mindfulness training that can help individuals with stress management and performance management, building cross-functional team work, all of which adds up to a resilient organization with a lot of good people in it—engaged employees who enjoy being there!

Not surprisingly, if you have somebody who’s coming from the one environment to the other, they struggle for a while to acculturate. It’s a little bit like moving from one country to another—it’s a whole different culture.

In a data-driven system or company everything is, obviously, based on the data. Quite often in this kind of environment, the “heart” of a company and the people in it seem lost. People are considered and promoted strictly on functional merit, productivity, and maintaining a competitive edge. Their communication skills, their ability to work well with others, their ability to organize and motivate people are not important. There is not as much time or thought given to the person per se. It’s what you know, what you can do, and how you’re able to do it effectively.

Relationship-driven companies are all about who you know, how you relate, and common goals.  And while this is certainly a warmer working environment, this orientation has its ups and downs as well. In relationship-driven organizational DNA, you may be the smartest, most efficient person in the room, but if you do not build good relationships and play well with others, you’re going to find yourself floundering.

Which means, if you’re a people person, a relationship-driven company that cares very much about the person and their personal development and professional development is going to feel like a good fit for you. If you are data driven, or accustomed to that kind of environment, not so much. Another way of describing the difference between the two business approaches is one is focused on what is known as hard skills and the other on soft skills.

A data driven company is more focused on your hard skills—your accomplishments, on your education, your organizational effectiveness and your quick, accurate decision making. It’s all about what you can produce for the company. The personal doesn’t enter into things at all. These are very clever and smart people in a fast-moving company situation where you are promoted or moved along based on your ability to do or to go to the next level in a hard skill. 

On the other end, with a relationship-driven company, things like character leadership development and the individual goals of employees are important. It’s about fostering engaged employees, this doesn’t mean relationship-driven companies are not effective and profitable. They are super effective and can be quite profitable. They just focus more on people and what can you do for them in order to get success to happen. Can you take people along for the story? Can you engage and inspire people? This is more of your relationship-driven company. You learn very much to go from transactional relationships to deeper relationships.

Smart people know it’s never a bad idea to deliberately set about working in both environments to acquire a full understanding of these two kinds of companies with their two highly different types of organizational DNA, so they can know what personally suits them better. In the past, this wasn’t really possible, because most business organizations up until a few years ago were pretty much focused exclusively on hard skills.

Today, however, there is a growing recognition of the triple bottom line that considers equally the importance of People, Planet and Profit. In this model, it is understood that the transformative power of good leadership can make all the difference—the kind of inspiring leadership that can take a company, as well as the people in it, on a growth journey. As well, there is a very strong trend towards developing both hard and soft skills in individuals. If you don’t have soft relational skills, how are you going to effectively lead people? Plus, the upcoming generation wants to know things about companies and their leaders, like “What is your purpose? How are you contributing to society? And why should we follow you?”

As you can see, hard and soft skills are both highly relevant today. Having a combination of both is going to give you both breadth and depth, which makes you not just a specialist, but a generalist specialist. And those are highly effective people. As well, there are now hybrid organizations blending both approaches, looking for people who can operate in both organizational worlds. So, don’t be afraid to get both kinds of skills under your belt.

Good luck with your adventure!

To find out more about how to grow your leadership, attend one of our events this year! For more information about my 2024 events click here.

Emotional DNA
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What is Conscious Leadership? Leading with Purpose!

What is Conscious Leadership? Leading with Purpose!

Conscious leaders recognize the importance of having a purpose in both their personal life and professional lives. Any good leader coming into a new company culture focuses very quickly—not just on hard work and profit margin, but on determining “What is the purpose of this company?” In fact, they should know that purpose long before they even come through the front door because they’re going to have to come in and hit the ground running.

Why is knowing a company’s purpose important? Well, once you know what the purpose is, you know how to prioritize. You understand what kinds of goals to set. You grasp the conscious culture that needs to be supported and the decision-making process to get there. And once a leader knows these things it means they can begin to see who is a good fit for which roles and how to play to the strengths of team members and employees.

Beyond the status quo

When nobody knows where they’re going or what they’re doing or how they’re doing it, it’s a little bit like the Headless Horseman charging around creating confusion, constantly reacting to external factors. But once you have a clear purpose and understand an organization’s structure, you can lead in a way that creates enough weight to start pulling people out of lethargy and confusion and onto a defined path. You can inspire people to develop greater emotional intelligence and get them excited about personal growth within the company culture. And don’t you know people love nothing more than clarity and a good game to play with others!

So, a really good leader creates a good game around purpose, finds out what’s in it for every single member of their team, and points out a new and different way beyond the status quo of “business as usual.” This is good systemic leading or leadership 101.

Creation not reaction

Those who assume a leadership position are expected to be more responsible, more insightful, cleverer, and more inspirational than most people. Ideally, they are a self-aware leader with a high level of emotional intelligence and a sense of social responsibility beyond traditional leadership models.

Unfortunately, without knowing about the need for purpose and how purpose drives the organization of an organization, many new leaders quite often end up floundering at the starting point. And this is often an unconscious extension of how they were raised as young people in their own homes and educational settings.

Most people navigate life pretty unconsciously in their personal lives, reacting to people and situations, playing out self-limiting beliefs rather than coming from their true self and a more grounded, purposeful, creative position. This habit of unconscious reaction versus creation has far-reaching consequences, bleeding over into many areas of their lives including their professional lives.

A good leader doesn’t just “happen.” Conscious leadership arises when we begin to mindfully consider every aspect and element of our lives on a day-to-day basis. It happens when we’re ready to take radical responsibility for personal growth and start acting out of our true self.

At that point, our grounded creative, purposeful way of interacting with others and making choices naturally draws us into opportunities where our leadership qualities can shine and our hard work and good example help build a better world for all.

Start your mindful leadership adventure

Conscious leadership is a deliberate decision. It is a commitment to developing ourselves at work and in our personal relationships in our daily lives. In the business world, it is a commitment to developing a money-follows-value mindset, thereby inspiring those around us.

It asks a lot of us—nothing less than a full awareness of the self—which includes being present, engaging a conscious decision-making process, validating the positions and thoughts of others while inspiring greater emotional intelligence, movement and growth.

Mindful leadership happens when we deliberately turn to the highest form of who we are—our true self. And it doesn’t always have to take the form of actively promoting effective leadership approaches focused on things like leadership development and social responsibility in one’s team members. It can be something as simple as a kind act, an invitation, a smile, or a helping hand.

The far-reaching consequences of kindness and compassion—especially if you bear an important professional title—cannot be overstated. Sometimes giving a genuine smile is the single most beneficial thing you can do for someone. It’s a powerful tool. Which means you don’t have to hire a leadership coach to develop potent leadership skills. It’s actually the little things that form the core elements of conscious leadership. And those things—the encouraging nod, the casual offer of assistance, the genuine compliment—you can practice and build upon, day by day on your own.

This conscious awareness and attention to sometimes the smallest things can be developed in anybody—which is why you’ll often hear me say, “Everybody is a leader, whether they know it or not.” In those moments when we reach out in compassion and empathy, we take a position of mindful leadership. When we come from our hearts and from our highest level of intent—to put it bluntly, we are purposefully making powerful magic. Coming from the space of genuine concern and consideration for others, our thoughts, feelings, words and actions have an incredibly positive impact and go a long way towards helping develop the better world we all long to live in.

Starting point

Leaders become leaders when they arrive at the starting point, which is: An awareness that there is more to life than just whatever is there in front of them. When they gain that awareness and make the conscious decision to explore that “something more,” they begin to move out of the status quo of reactionary thinking and unconscious action. As their level of self-awareness increases, they develop the belief that they can do and become even more.  Thus encouraged, they then set out to make personal growth happen. When they make that conscious choice, self-limiting beliefs begin to drop away.

At that point, growth momentum and awareness of the self increases and just keeps on increasing. They may not have consciously set out to become a leader, let alone a mindful one, but they end up embodying all the natural traits of a more conscious leader all the same. Then their good example begins to attract leadership opportunities. And as they step into those opportunities, life experiences reveal to them their expanded capacities for mindful leadership and their personal growth expands even more. It’s really a fluid, self-fulfilling, highly-rewarding upward cycle once the starting point is reached!

So, remember: When you decide to stop sitting there wondering when the right opportunity is going to magically arrive on your doorstep and change life your life for the better, and you start taking personal responsibility for creating and directing your own adventure, you’re going to find there is more to life than whatever is currently in front of you. When that happens and your level of self-awareness begins to increase, you will find your purpose. At the very least you will find the starting point for your purpose.

That’s when magic actually does happen! The self-leadership light will spark and ignite your passion. And that’s the beginning of the awakening leader in you. Where self-leadership will take you doesn’t matter. It might take you into completely different circumstances. You may find yourself at the helm of a thriving business. You may find your personal life becoming more fulfilling. Perhaps the single most beneficial thing that happens is you become a happier, healthier human being. You may find yourself speaking at conscious leadership conferences.

It doesn’t matter. What matters is the true you is showing up and leading the show at last!

Be the leader you were born to be

If you want a better world, you are where it begins. And if the idea of stepping into a leadership role in your life scares you, stop and think: Who else in your family is (or was) a conscious leader? Or are you the first? Did your family members struggle with asserting themselves? Were they suppressed? Were your parents unavailable (emotionally and/or physically.) Were they reactive rather than creative in tough situations? Please know that when we are not available it is often because we are in fear and then we become emotionally triggered and reactive. Perhaps they were too fearful to be conscious leaders.

Can you break that cycle? It takes just one person to choose to do it differently. Here are some things you can do to begin building your conscious leadership:

  • Who did you inspire today, including yourself? Keep written track daily!
  • When last did you congratulate yourself for doing something good?
  • Did you take a moment today to notice all the good things that happened? Did you give others and yourself credit?
  • Notice when you are unnerved or unsettled how best you can self-sooth and remain calm.
  • Note each time you do something kind for yourself.
  • Write down the number of times in a day you make someone smile. (Other than yourself!)

These are all things that those big inspirational leaders do—making a difference just by making a little magic. Keep doing these things and watch the compounding effect as the inspirational leader becomes you.

To find out more about how to grow your leadership, attend one of our events this year! For more information about my 2024 events click here.

Emotional DNA
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How Do You Describe Your Leadership Style? 11 Examples

how do you describe your leadership style

How Do You Describe Your Leadership Style? 11 Examples

Leadership is an important piece of who we are, and yet many of us don’t even know we have it. We deny, ignore or flat out don’t know that part of ourselves. We all display our leadership one way or another in different situations. So, how do you describe your leadership style and what different leadership styles are there?

Perhaps your leadership qualities show up as a mother or father, as a sibling, mentor, teacher, friend, or elder. If you lead in the business arena perhaps you help create a positive work environment as a line manager or as a C suite executive or motivated associate leading team members.

Surprisingly, the shape of your leadership has its roots in your family system, but its wings rely upon your inner spark and your core values. Leadership is often coupled to your purpose in life. It’s about the positive impact that naturally tends to show up in various ways, flowing from the space beyond limiting family cycles and the small thoughts you have about yourself.

The shape of your leadership doesn’t have to be big, fancy, dramatic or over the top—you don’t have to run for president or anything. But stepping up expands your full potential and affects others by opening them up to the bigger picture as well as common goals and shared vision. This realisation creates true leaders.

Plenty of ways

Leadership lives with one foot in the world of possibility. In other words, your personal leadership position is part of the chapter that only you can write.

Just like any other aspect of your life, the shape and expression of your leadership or lack of it begins at home. The starting point begins with where and how you show up in your family system. For example, some of us had to take on a leadership role early in life if a parent was missing or struggling, or if dire circumstances led to us having to step in and step up.

Some of us learned the exact opposite—to melt into the shadows in various ways when situations caused us fear or maybe even hide to survive. Perhaps a sibling needed more attention, and we became the good kid and stepped back so that they could get what they needed and so we became invisible. And yet that “stepping up” spark is still there, waiting to be seen and chosen. Waiting for us to overcome our fears and reluctance and step forward rather than vanish.

Your decisions about what happens to you in your life, your thoughts feelings and actions, or inactions all shape your leadership qualities and leadership strengths—your leadership DNA. They shape the leader you choose to be. As well, they shape the leader you abandon at your and others’ cost.

Good example

There is a coach in the NFL who came from dire circumstances. By all rights, this man should have become a violent gangster and yet he chose to rise at every point and build strong relationships and create a positive impact instead. He didn’t fault the parents who raised him.

He reasoned that they had done the best that they could, and it was his job to take the next step to rise to his fullest potential. He also used his upbringing to connect to kids from troubled areas and teach them problem-solving skills. He taught them that they were not victims and that they had a choice to break limiting cycles and rise up within their own communities.

First step

At some point in our lives we have to ask ourselves if we are going to bury the leader within or let it shine through whatever leadership roles seem natural. And when we decide to let it shine, that’s where we start to take charge of our own lives.

When you awaken the leader within, you begin to focus more on what’s possible and having a shared vision. You find you have more of an appetite for life embracing a bigger picture.

What’s actually happening is that you are finally creating an adventure that’s bigger than where you may be stuck.

If you aren’t sure what your style of leadership is or what kind of leader you could be, contemplate your heart’s desire. That is the inner leader waiting to be unleashed by you and what makes a great leader. And remember, you don’t have to lead the world or a basketball team either. Leading, for you, may be setting an example to others by taking a step in the direction of actualizing your dreams, thus motivating others to do the same. This is how to discover your best leadership style.

Help with the decision-making process

If you find yourself lost, stuck, or struggling. If you really can’t see the leader within, or see the type of leadership style that resonates with you, ask yourself the following questions:

  • “Do I know that I have this inner leadership?”
  • “When did I make a decision that I was/was not a leader?”
  • “What thoughts, feelings and actions do I take to make that true?”
  • “What does that decision cost/give me?”
  • “Where would I like to shine?”
  • “Where am I too afraid to shine?”
  • “What am I really good at?” Pro tip – kindness, generosity and inspiration are strong leadership qualities.

Deep inside, everybody is a leader but many of us suppress that desire to get out there and be the biggest version of ourselves possible. We watch movies and then we wish we were the superhero, all the while ignoring the inner prompt to be exactly that in our own lives.

How good does it feel when you accomplish a task or a dream? Once you start doing and it becomes a habit, your leadership comes out to play. Your “can do” kicks in and so does your life adventure.

Some of us may feel that we have never had the leadership skills, or that the term “good leader” doesn’t even vaguely apply to us. And yet in those quiet moments when we wish we could be a good leader … or do something bigger with our lives … the leader is sitting right there along with all the necessary resources waiting for you to take the first step forward.

Just one new thought “I can.” Or “I am going to do _____” begins the shift. One new feeling locks it in, and one new action begins the journey.

Real-life examples

The question really isn’t if you are a leader, it’s what kind of a leader are you? Are you a hidden leader? A reluctant leader, an absent leader? A dramatic leader, a fearful leader? Do you have an autocratic leadership style or an authoritative leadership style? Or is transformational leadership or coaching leadership style more your thing?

How do you describe your leadership style? Below are several of the most common styles of leadership to help you get started. Look and see which one most closely fits you.

Atlas leader – Carries the load for everybody. (Thought: How many mothers or fathers out there would qualify for this?) Do you carry too much for those around you? Are you aware that in doing so you limit the discovery of the potential of those whom you carry?

Team leader – Shares the load and empowers others to find their own way in the world. Shares the ups and the downs and everybody grows.

Crisis leader – Really good during emergencies. (Thought: Are you the person who is super good during a crisis, or do you inadvertently create them?) Is there constant drama in your life? Are you always rescuing or needing to be rescued or pointing out flaws or inflating situations? Do you realize that this may create neediness or unnecessary drama and stress?

Centered leader – Also really good during emergencies. Relaxes or becomes focused and centered. Brings a state of peace and capability to the situation. Always creates a positive work environment and helps others develop problem-solving skills.

Whirlwind leader – Goes in several directions at once but doesn’t complete a project. (Thought: Such leaders often want to be perceived as saviors but instead create chaos and exhaustion.) Are you someone who starts well but doesn’t finish well? Are you aware that nobody gets a win this way? Not even you?

Calm leader – The opposite of a crisis or whirlwind leader, these leaders can project a sense of calm no matter what. (Thought: Calm leaders don’t shoot from the hip. They consider all aspects thoughtfully and make a deliberate decision.) Are you or have you been in the presence of a calm leader? How did it affect you/others?

Driving leader – Pushes associates constantly for more, better, different. (Thought: These leaders expect a lot of their associates but often lose them to burnout.) Are you someone who pushes others to their limits “for their own good?” How do you know what their own good is?

Invitational leader – The opposite of a driving leader, these leaders invite others to step up into their fullest potential. (Thought: Such leaders encourage creativity and failing up. They tend to be glass-half-full leaders.) Have you ever noticed how invitation offers those around you a chance to open up and step up?

Hands-on leader – This leader is very involved with day-to-day operations. They feel that they should roll up their sleeves like anyone else, but sometimes too much. (Thought: Such a leader is often “in the weeds” concerned that the sky may fall if they’re not there.) Are you aware that a hands-on leader may stunt the growth of others if they take over too much? 

Delegating leader – They are hands on but only when needed. Knows when to step in and when to step out and empowers others to find their own solutions.

Hands-off leader – This leader believes that everyone is their own boss and leaves them to get on with things. (Thought: These leaders tend to issue a blanket project and assume everyone knows how to tackle it. Then they are confused when everybody seems to flounder.) Have you ever wondered why those around you are confused, do the wrong things, or feel they are unable to ask for clarification? This may be why.

Available-as-needed leader – This leadership approach is not in the weeds but is available to consult or even go there as needed. They inspire confidence in others and foster a sense of pride.

Parent leader – The big papa or mama bear leader. (Thought: In companies where everyone is treated like a family member, it is very clear who the parent is and who the children are.) Did you have to step up at an early age and take over for one or both parents? Have you never stepped down? Are you aware that you are treating those around you like children—which means they can never grow up? Are you absolutely exhausted by the weight you carry yet unable to set it all down for fear something bad might happen?

Empowering leader – These leaders acknowledge the strengths of others and do not need to be the mother or father figure. They don’t make others small, encouraging them instead to rise to the occasion in different situations and grow their own wings.

Inspirational and visionary leader – This leader does a lot of their own self-development resulting in heightened creativity and followership. (Thought: These leaders are determined, purpose driven, goal oriented, and inclusive. They build strong relationships. They don’t want to do the whole adventure themselves but are inspiring enough for others to take the journey with them.)

What will it take for you to invest in yourself as a leader who inspires and motivates? What difference could that make?

There are many levels of leadership which we will discuss in more depth at another time.  Looking through this list you may find that more than one applies to your leadership style. Each has its pros and cons, and each has the potential for growth.

How you lead matters – not just to those around you but to you. You might ask yourself where your leadership style originated and how you can evolve it. This is the best approach to helping your discover your leadership style and thrive.

At the crux of it all is this. You have the leader within. You have always had it. If you haven’t activated it yet, now is a good time to start. Sometimes when we won’t self-activate it may take a crisis to press the on button which is a whole lot less fun.

Take the time to listen to the part inside you that longs to be…and then start moving in that direction. Not only for yourself but for those around you and those who come after you. Leadership is a door to the life you dream about…open the door!

I look forward to showing you how to unleash your fullest potential and discover your leadership abilities.  For more information about my 2024 events click here.

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Why Does Leadership Matter? Being an Effective Leader

Why Does Leadership Matter? Being an Effective Leader

Why does leadership matter? Well, showing up and being fully YOU (which is the mainstay of leadership) not only serves your family, your community, and your work environment, but it also is the best way to keep vibrantly alive, creative, optimistic, and totally involved in your own life adventure long term.

Leadership Matters

Whether you are aware of it or not, anytime you take responsibility for evolving an aspect of your life you are taking a new course and being a leader.

At its simplest, leadership is how the world expands and goes to a higher level. And it does so through you and every other person who, through much effort and a willingness to uncover the deepest self, takes that self to the next higher level over and over again.

Being a leader involves dealing with your emotional responses to a variety of situations, getting intimate with the right questions and identifying your wants and needs—then figuring out how to make them happen. By leading yourself, taking the next step, finding creative solutions to complex problems over and over, you end up making a substantial difference, not just in your own life but in the world around you.

Clear vision

Leadership brings opportunities, adventures, and learnings. It gifts you a competitive advantage.

When you are passive and do not take responsibility for your own growth and develop self-leadership skills, you are more likely to blame others for your lack of opportunity, unsatisfying work environment, and overall absence of hope. But if you step up when you see a gap, a lack, or an opportunity, not only will you fill that gap and address that opportunity, but you will begin shaping the world around you into the way you would like it to be.

Every single human being has the spark of leadership potential within them and can become a true leader. The question is whether they activate that inner spark or not. The external circumstances—the family and social and work environment—do not matter. You don’t need to research leadership development programs or take a transformational leadership course. Great accomplishment and solid leadership can be developed anywhere, anytime. Here’s an example.

A most significant impact

I was raised in South Africa. I have seen how difficult it is in developing nations for students graduating from high school to find jobs and growth opportunities. Often, in many situations like this, it’s easy for young people to develop their leadership potential by taking on negative leadership roles, running guns or smuggling drugs.

I remember one group of about 30 students with nothing but time on their hands and an absence of hope who ended up choosing to turn all the obstacles they faced into opportunity. Determined to do something good for the public sector with their time, they decided to fill all the potholes in the streets around where they lived until the area that was once derelict and unsafe became cleaner and drivable.

Pretty soon family members and the senior leaders in the community started to follow their lead. This led to a string of other community projects unfolding. Word got around and suddenly the group found themselves in the spotlight being interviewed by different people, including international media networks. This resulted in scholarships for each of the 30 young people and the promise of a job offer to each one upon graduation from college.

Talk about creating something from nothing! Talk about a great accomplishment of solid leadership! Somehow these young people realized that they had what they needed to begin a journey of great social value. They found common goals that tapped their inner leadership and leaned on their sense of altruism and servant leadership that ended up inspiring millions. They threw their whole selves into making a difference.

Next Step

What you tell yourself about who you are and what you can do makes a substantial difference. It’s part of being a leader. Leaders talk themselves and their communities into bigger possibilities. They are not victims. Instead they see opportunities where none seem to exist.

Look around. Do you like what you see in your family? In your school or business? In your community. Your country? And if you don’t like what you see, what can you do to change it?

Here are a few things to get you thinking:

  • Write down a time when you were a leader of some sort.
  • Describe the event. It can be as simple as playing “Follow the Leader” as a kid. Were you always a follower, or did you always try to lead? Or was there a balance?
  • How did it feel when you led? Leadership is often ignited by a decision about an event. Have you always been that way? If not, when did that start for you and what was happening for you at the time?
  • How did it feel when you followed?
  • Now that you are an adult, where and how do you play follow-the-leader? Or do you lead? Under what circumstances?
  • Do you wait for opportunity to come to you? Or do you identify opportunities and “go for it,” showing others the way?
  • Write down your thoughts, feelings, and actions around these questions.

Next, write down something you would like to have happen that will require you to lead the way—if only lead yourself!

  • How will doing this affect you?
  • How will it affect those around you?
  • What new skillset do you need to develop to make this thing happen?
  • What one new thought, feeling, and/or action can you take to start actualizing what you’d like to have happen?

Leadership matters. Own yours!

I look forward to showing you how to unleash your fullest potential and discover your leadership abilities.  For more information about my 2024 events click here.

Emotional DNA