Rights, wrongs, and a bigger game. Systemically speaking.

I see so many causes with rights and wrongs at the moment and how we are told we need/ need to not behave. There are high feelings and large reactions, and I am reminded that in systems and systemic work, everything and everyone belongs.


High feelings are wonderful when you realize that they are simply an invitation to a bigger game or a different pattern.


Having studied companies that do really well one thing becomes obvious. All are welcome. Companies like Apple have created a game that is big enough for everyone to play. They don’t care about color, creed, origin, ethnicity.  Everyone has a way to belong if they want to and I wonder if they are showing us something important?.


We don’t have to all want the same thing, we don’t have to agree on what we think is the best or worst and we can choose our levels of participation without having to justify them.


I wonder about a world I love and a country I am proud to call my own. I see what we can do when we stop making each other wrong and allow for differences and choices. We can respect the differences and not insist that everyone do as we want.


In systemic work and constellations one of the core tenets of the work is that everybody has a right to belong and a place that belongs to only them.


In other words, all places count. They all have something to offer. If we pay attention to our history we will always find both right and wrong. It’s what we focus on that counts. What we bring to the fore. At the moment we seem intent on finding what’s wrong and that blinds us to what’s right and what we can use to flourish and come together. We aren’t looking at the wonderful possibilities.


Throughout our lives we are constantly working with patterns that are trying to rest and patterns that are trying to emerge through us. Fate in the one and destiny in the other.

When we are angry or frustrated a good question to ask is what pattern is trying to stop. It takes the sting out of what’s happening and allows us to see that something bigger is asking to emerge through us and for us.


If we are willing to take an objective look at what’s happening in front of us, then the next question to ask is what we would most like to see. Not in a selfish way but in heartfelt way that lights us up. If we can do that, we can learn to see the pattern that’s itching to emerge for the highest good.


Making each other wrong simply means division and blindness. This stunts growth and innovation, and the world goes into a period of hibernation.


It’s only when we are willing to see that there is something truly good about every event, and in every person, even if it’s to ignite change, that we can learn and begin to breathe and innovate again.


So perhaps the next time we want to condemn or accuse each other, it’s time to ask what pattern is trying to stop, what pattern is trying to emerge through us and what is the bigger game that we can all play?


What’s possible here?

Fear and Emotional DNA Webinar

May 13, 2020

Community Call with Q+A

Topic: Scars Fear Leave Behind On Our DNA

Let’s shift those fears and Reveal, Reframe, Rewire the stories and emotions we are programming in this unknown time. We are programming our emotional DNA and we are passing this down with our physical DNA to our descendants. Watch the webinar recorded on May 13, 2020 below and join us for an in depth look at this topic in our Emotional DNA Workshop scheduled for May 29-31, 2020. Special discount code available for limited time.


Feel free to share with your friends, family and colleagues who would benefit from being part of our community conversation.



Can Fear Be a Transformer?

The emotional landscape keeps changing at speeds we have never known.

It’s been a whirlwind and we are all trying to deal with its impact on our neighborhoods, cities and globally.

Unprecedented times call out unusual behaviors.

I watched people fighting each other for supplies and then I watched others who shopped for those who couldn’t leave their homes.

I observed extreme generosity and extreme selfishness in the same day. Two opposite ends of the spectrum that.

I was reminded of what fear and the unknown can do to people and how important it is to understand how fear can serve us at the same time as it can limit us.

This past week I almost changed the advanced class for this year as I had chosen Fear DNA as this year’s topic in the beginning of this year — before the news of the virus had reached us. I wondered if it might be too much given the  current circumstances.

Then I realized…these are exactly the times in which we take a significant event, have a reaction, then create thoughts and feelings that start to generate mindsets of fear.

With that in mind I am going to be offering our most appropriate advanced topic yet.

Transforming your Fear DNA

People frequently tell me they could do so much if they could get past their fears. Often, they can’t quite identify or explain them, they just know that their stomachs contract when they think of doing something bigger or different. As though there were a ‘do not enter’ sign on the door.

Sometimes those fears originated in prior generations and you take them on as though they were your own. Some of these events may have created appropriate fears for your ancestors where it was jump or die time. As they migrated down to you, they may no longer have been life threatening but might have felt that way.

Events like this current one in the news, that happen directly to you, can create a library of fear in you and this can become a pattern of gut-wrenching thoughts and emotions that can create your Fear DNA.

And then there is another possibility.

Might fear indeed be a clue to what wants to change in the system?

A gift for you?

Can fear in fact be a transformer?

Think of the times you have achieved something in spite of your fear.

How did you feel right after you achieved that?

You knew you had stretched and transformed. Everything around you looked and felt different.

That kind of fear that can turn to wonder when you finally experience your potential.

When you learn to look at fear through that lens, with an open heart, it has no option but to change.

Now you are able to turn challenges and fear into an opportunity to stretch, move, and evolve.

Fear wasn’t meant to halt you but rather to inform and guide you and ultimately to transform you.

At this special event in November, you will learn how to identify, acknowledge and transform your Fear DNA, understand the purpose it has served and the clues it provides. You will also learn how to use it to shape the life you want for your highest good.

Fear that once limited you may even become the friend it was always meant to be.

In the process of transformation, we often stand first in fear – until with an open heart – this becomes wonder.

Now it’s your turn.

Please share below so we can learn from each another in our community:

  • How are you managing your fears right now?
  • What are you doing that is helpful in keeping a healthy perspective?
  • How can we support you ? What would you like to learn more about?

Please do not hesitate to reach out to us on our contact page if you have any questions or need support. We are here to serve you during this challenging period that affects us all.