Rights, wrongs, and a bigger game. Systemically speaking.

I see so many causes with rights and wrongs at the moment and how we are told we need/ need to not behave. There are high feelings and large reactions, and I am reminded that in systems and systemic work, everything and everyone belongs.


High feelings are wonderful when you realize that they are simply an invitation to a bigger game or a different pattern.


Having studied companies that do really well one thing becomes obvious. All are welcome. Companies like Apple have created a game that is big enough for everyone to play. They don’t care about color, creed, origin, ethnicity.  Everyone has a way to belong if they want to and I wonder if they are showing us something important?.


We don’t have to all want the same thing, we don’t have to agree on what we think is the best or worst and we can choose our levels of participation without having to justify them.


I wonder about a world I love and a country I am proud to call my own. I see what we can do when we stop making each other wrong and allow for differences and choices. We can respect the differences and not insist that everyone do as we want.


In systemic work and constellations one of the core tenets of the work is that everybody has a right to belong and a place that belongs to only them.


In other words, all places count. They all have something to offer. If we pay attention to our history we will always find both right and wrong. It’s what we focus on that counts. What we bring to the fore. At the moment we seem intent on finding what’s wrong and that blinds us to what’s right and what we can use to flourish and come together. We aren’t looking at the wonderful possibilities.


Throughout our lives we are constantly working with patterns that are trying to rest and patterns that are trying to emerge through us. Fate in the one and destiny in the other.

When we are angry or frustrated a good question to ask is what pattern is trying to stop. It takes the sting out of what’s happening and allows us to see that something bigger is asking to emerge through us and for us.


If we are willing to take an objective look at what’s happening in front of us, then the next question to ask is what we would most like to see. Not in a selfish way but in heartfelt way that lights us up. If we can do that, we can learn to see the pattern that’s itching to emerge for the highest good.


Making each other wrong simply means division and blindness. This stunts growth and innovation, and the world goes into a period of hibernation.


It’s only when we are willing to see that there is something truly good about every event, and in every person, even if it’s to ignite change, that we can learn and begin to breathe and innovate again.


So perhaps the next time we want to condemn or accuse each other, it’s time to ask what pattern is trying to stop, what pattern is trying to emerge through us and what is the bigger game that we can all play?


What’s possible here?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *