Check Out Judy Wilkins-Smith’s Story

Check Out Judy Wilkins-Smith’s Story

Today we’d like to introduce you to Judy Wilkins-Smith.

Judy, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
I am from South Africa, born and raised. In 1996, we relocated to the USA for a business opportunity that fell through. My father was killed, I was helping raise my sister’s kids, and it was either go crazy or write a book. Doing research for the book, I stumbled into Family Constellations and learned the practice which then evolved into Organizational constellations and that led to becoming a top executive and life coach. I work with top executives around the world as well as some of the most famous people in the world. My own addition to Family and Organizational Constellations was Emotional DNA. You don’t just inherit your physical DNA you also inherit your Emotional DNA and your inheritance contains all the clues you need to create the life you want if only you know how to see it. And that happens even if you don’t know your family of origin. All the clues are contained in your thoughts feelings and actions and so are all the possibilities.

All of this led to the book Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint being commissioned by Sounds True. It is doing well and has been translated into seven different languages. People who read it call it the little secret that changes lives. I have since done countless podcasts and appear regularly on TV shows like the Maria Menounos show. I am grateful and happily successful. My biggest dream is to see large numbers of people realize that they are a remarkable life if only they know how to see it. We all have the ability to create remarkable lives if only we know how to decode what’s ours and use it to create a legacy.

I started with nothing but commitment and a determination to make a difference by showing others where to find their remarkable!

Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
Ha ha ha. Sorry. People who meet me always think it has been smooth sailing. My father was killed, my sister got divorced, and I helped raise the kids. I got divorced, my mom got cancer, and that was a two-year journey, and then she broke her pelvis in seven places. I wrote the book during her cancer walk while still maintaining a full practice and driving two hours for cancer treatments and then with the pelvic fractures that was a three-month stint where I went to the the rehab center every day to be with my mom after work and before I got back to do laundry and do client notes. A year into Mom’s treatment with all the stress etc I had to have my gallbladder removed and my daughter had a medical scare.

All of this made me more and more committed and determined to succeed and show people that life is and can be wonderful depending on our choices and lenses.

Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I guess it all goes back in some ways to a teacher who told me in 4th grade that I wouldn’t be a doctor – like I said, I would be, I would work with people’s hearts and minds, and a fellow student would be the doctor. Turns out she was right. I often talk about that. I did go into the medical arena, became a medical technologist, and then went into vascular technology and autotransfusion.

When I left the teaching hospital a physician and Zulu gentleman told me I might be leaving but I would find a way to represent them in the world. I laughed but when my father was killed in the US and they failed him in all of my specialties that door closed for me. I ultimately wound up going into Family and Organizational Constellations Work which has its origins in the Zulu culture and then became a top executive coach around the world and I am fortunate enough to work with very famous and successful people.

What sets me apart is that I do not just focus on the origins and effects of family or oganzational patterns, I focus on their inherent potential and how we are prompted to use what we’ve inherited to create incredible lives. You don’t just inherit your physical DNA, you also in herit your emotional DNA but it’s yours to shape and sometimes train smashes are actually portals to possibility.

I specialize in showing my clients that what looks like a challenge is often simply an invitation to step up and shine, and then we look at how to do that. I am known for getting clients to the next level by cutting through obstacles and illuminating opportunities. I also specialize in turnarounds for executives who are stuck or have lost their way, but most of all, I am known for creating visionary leaders. In companies, I am known as the coach who gets people promoted once they understand their gifts and strengths.

I am most proud always of my family and their courage. My mom who battled cancer and my daughter who is a kind and caring physician as well as my talented and successful nieces. I am proud of the book I wrote that has been translated into seven languages and whose popularity is growing amongst the psychology and self-help community. I am proud of all the letters I receive from people who have attended my events and who turned their lives into the superhuman life it was supposed to be. Life really is a big adventure and once you understand that you begin to invest in the adventure you want, not the one you think you were served.

What makes you happy?
Family – I love my family around me even when there are disagreements; I know they have my back, and I have theirs. Disney World – the world makes sense in the world of magic it always has. I love magic and have since I was a kid. I get the magic of the soul; I think it’s my first language. I understand what people are going through and why and how the universe is in support of us. It always has been, and it always will be. Disney is where my soul feels right at home.

People fulfilling their potential and gaining insights along the way makes me super happy. It’s why I do the work I do; I LOVE watching people get to their aha’s and then move through them to the fuller version of themselves. Writing books and sharing what I know with others. Home. I love home. It’s so important to me. It allows me to center and breathe and belong. A LOT of adventure. I like good experiences that stretch me and make me go wow. Growing and learning. I am always learning and often from my clients.


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Moving Beyond Victimhood: The Great Unconscious Metapattern Of Our Time

Moving Beyond Victimhood: The Great Unconscious Metapattern Of Our Time

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names shall never hurt me,” was an old adage way back in the early 1800s. For over 200 years it soothed and encouraged many a bullied student and adult. But no longer.

Today, it seems we are the walking wounded, insulted by everything. Names hurt us. Not being honored with the right pronoun hurts us. Not getting enough “Likes” on a social media post hurts us. Someone offering information we don’t agree with hurts us. Seeing historical statues of former slave owners hurts us. Our skins are thin. Suffering has become a badge of honor. And the more we publicly acclaim our suffering, the more there seems to be of it. (In other words, what we focus on materializes right in front of us.)

This is not to dismiss the reality of trauma. The world is full of it. Child abuse. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Racial abuse. Gender abuse. Deliberate ritual abuse. Hunger. Starvation. War. Famine. Humanity carries the heavy epigenetic burden of all of these things—inherited ancestral patterns that take the form of thoughts, choices, and actions aligned with pain and suffering, lack, judgment and subjugation.

But humanity also carries the possibility of greatness. We also carry the inherited ancestral patterns of strength and courage, forgiveness and compassion, fairness and justice, a desire for change and evolution, love, and respect, mutual support and community. These higher emotions and strengths more than outweigh our shortcomings … but only when we choose to focus on them. We move into greater and greater possibilities and integrity only if we commit to those things, claim these traits as our own, and proudly live them.

Understanding Metapatterns

As the word implies, metapatterns are major patterns that affect many. Nationalism is a metapattern. Economics is a metapattern. Religion is a metapattern, and so is victimization. There isn’t a person, a family, a community, a government, a nation in the world that hasn’t seen suffering, abuse and inequality at one time or another. We have all been victims. There is nothing special about it. What is special is rising above it.

It is the nature of all systems — a family system, political system, religious system, a business system — that patterns within the system that are suppressed, excluded, and unacknowledged keep repeating. Abuse is a perfect example. For hundreds of years, societies suppressed acknowledgment of abuses perpetrated on people — women, indigenous peoples, people of color, pagans, Jews, Muslims, Christians, gays. As a result, the abuses kept on repeating with increasing prevalence and force. Which is exactly what we’re seeing now.

It is an incredibly healthy thing that we are now in the process of getting these deeply traumatic abuses and wounds out into the light and are discussing them. However, unless handled wisely, we run the danger of becoming the victims of past victimization by turning on perceived perpetrators and victimizing them. The old “eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” philosophy unconsciously lives in a lot of people’s thinking. That, too, is an inherited pattern. A pattern destined to leave us all blind and toothless unless we can turn it around and realize one very important point: The opposite of being a victim is not being a perpetrator.

The opposite of being a victim is mastering your world, mastering your patterns of thoughts, feelings and actions. The opposite of being a victim is stepping into authenticity, self-expression and joyous creativity, freed from the patterns that shackle us to the past.

Moving Beyond The Victim Pattern

So, how do we go about going beyond the victim metapattern? First, we need to understand that generational symptoms — patterns of thoughts, emotions, choices, and actions — are inherited. Clinical studies have proven that emotional trauma experienced by our parents and grandparents (and even further back in our genetic line), leave physical markers on our genes, affecting gene expression. These markers make us prone to the same kinds of trauma, over and over again.

The patterns of victimization — unconscious ways of thinking, feeling, and acting that attract abuse — are literally passed down epigenetically from generation to generation. This is what is termed “emotional DNA.” The same holds true for abusers/perpetrators. How many times do we find that an abusive parent was also subjected to violence as a child? Too often. The inherited pattern of being an abuser is also passed down.

The next thing we need to do is see that abuse and victimization are not serving our personal growth, happiness, or overall social advancement. We need to understand that anger and outrage, lashing out, seeking punishment, and reparations for old sins is simply a continuation of the very dynamic we’re hurt by and angry about.

Metapatterns are in us. And they are destined to unconsciously drive us and run our lives (from one side of the issue or the other) until we see them, acknowledge them, and choose to change and elevate their shape and effect. Only then can we move beyond them.

Symptoms Of Victim/Perpetrator

How do you recognize when a pattern or metapattern is affecting you? It shows up in our language and as symptoms: discomfort, irritation, a block to some desire, boredom, a lack of progress, ill health. Sometimes it manifests as a variety of symptoms. When it comes to the metapatterns of victimization, some generational symptoms passed down epigenetically from one generation to the next are:

  • Seeing oppression everywhere
  • Hatred for the perceived oppressors
  • Seeing discrimination even when it isn’t intended or doesn’t exist
  • A sense of not being seen and respected
  • Clinging to past wounds, past actions
  • Unworthiness
  • A sense of always being put down
  • Inability to prosper

As well, there are generational symptoms of perpetration passed down epigenetically from one generation to the next. It’s interesting to note that some symptoms of past victimization and past perpetration are the same. Some of these symptoms are:

  • Guilt
  • A subconscious desire to be punished or to fail
  • Self-sabotage
  • Anger and the continued desire to inflict pain and suffering
  • A sense of unworthiness
  • Apologizing for everything, even when no harm is done
  • Inability to prosper

In a quick example to show how this works, Hua Ming (a pseudonym) came to the US on a university exchange scholarship from China. After graduation, she chose to stay in America and became a citizen in order to continue her work at a prestigious laboratory as a geneticist. In time, she recognized she felt blocked. She was frightened by her growing responsibilities at work. She was frightened by the increasing expectations of her American fiancé and her upcoming marriage — frightened to the point she was considering throwing it all away and moving back to China.

When Hua Ming decided to pursue professional guidance for her anxiety, she realized it was really more an issue of not being able to live up to Western people’s assessment of her value. She couldn’t understand how she was suddenly worthy. “I can’t do what they’re asking of me,” she thought. “My boss expects me to lead this next team project. My fiancé thinks I should go for my PhD and an even higher position. Who do they think I am?”

Looking at Ming’s family heritage, it wasn’t hard to uncover the pattern of unworthiness grounded in her ancestral pattern of gender discrimination. Her parents had been terribly disappointed to have a girlchild. Low expectations had plagued her all her life. Despite her determination to rise above those low opinions of her — a determination that had carried her far from her homeland — the unconscious inherited sense of unworthiness as a woman and lack of value was dragging her down.

Through an understanding of emotional DNA, family patterns, and metapatterns, she finally got to see that the unworthiness she was feeling wasn’t really hers, but rather inherited emotions piled on top of a negative upbringing. She was able to work through those negative emotions. Instead of remaining a victim to the old patterns, she was able to see how far she’d come because of them and what she had to offer. She turned the negative into the positive. She saw her true strength and courage. She thanked her ancestors for the gift of unworthiness that had fired her determination to become more, and given her the opportunity to change the past patterns of victimization that were plaguing not only her but her whole native country.

Time To Shine

It’s time for humanity to choose to move on from the victim mindset. Past abuses are past. The only reason they continue to plague us in the present is because we are unconsciously repeating the old patterns that are begging to change. Our deep system-wide unrest, bitter unhappiness, and intolerance of abuse and discrimination in all forms is a joyous red flag waving saying, “Let go of the bitterness. Let go of the intolerance for the intolerant! Let go the judgment of the judges! Let go of victimizing past perpetrators. That’s all part of the old pattern. Let go!”

Focus on the adventure and possibilities. Possibilities open hearts and doors. People are craving a bigger reality that allows them to participate in and co-create a happier, more fulfilling, and exciting world. Steve Jobs summed it up best when he said, “Blessed are the crazy ones who believe they can change the world. Because, indeed, they can.”

Judy Wilkins-Smith, author of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint: A Powerful Guide to Transformation Through Disentangling Multigenerational Patterns, is a highly-regarded, international organizational, individual and family patterns expert, systemic coach, trainer, motivational speaker and founder of System Dynamics for Individuals & Organizations. Check out one of her live events and learn more!

Imposter Syndrome: Busting the Myth and How to Escape Self-Doubt

Imposter Syndrome: Busting the Myth and How to Escape Self-Doubt

By Judy Wilkins-Smith

Most of us are raised to believe there’s basically something wrong with us. We pick up the chronic message from society, media, and, (unfortunately) often our own families, that we’re not thin enough, smart enough, funny enough, successful enough, rich enough, responsible enough, and on and on.

To balance out the scales and soothe our damaged self-esteem, we read self-help books and go to seminars to help fix what we think needs to be fixed. And all the while, we’re rarely given any positive reinforcement or told what’s right with us. Even worse, we even more rarely give positive reinforcement to ourselves.

Interestingly, one of the quickest, best antidotes for flagging self-esteem can be found at work. After all, you were hired to do what you do because of your abilities and expertise. Right? Unlike our family and social arenas, our bosses desire, encourage and expect success.

Of all the places in our lives, we not only have the space to shine in our jobs, but we also have a mandate to do so. Right? Which is pretty much the complete opposite of our personal lives. 

Your career may be the antidote for low self-esteem

This makes our careers the perfect incubators for growing ourselves into the people we want to be. Thing is, the negativity society has baked into us all too often invades our professional lives as well. Many clients tell me they feel they don’t have what it takes to qualify for the positions they hold. Despite their abilities and knowledge, they find themselves hanging back and playing small.

They let doubt creep in the door and sabotage their ideas. Even my most successful clients end up with Imposter Syndrome, where they don’t feel they deserve the position and money they’re paid. And they’re terrified that someone will find out they are a fraud.

And yet, to serve their companies (and themselves), they actually need to bring the best of themselves to the table every day. And to do that, they have to believe in themselves. But how do you transcend years of social putdowns, negative comparisons, cultural conditioning and smallness?

Let me tell you what I tell my clients: Transformation is simply a matter of switching focus and changing your perspective. There is no such thing as “Imposter Syndrome.” Actually, you have “Pioneer Syndrome.” Nobody has all the answers all the time. But you are willing to go in search of them, and that is a quality of a good leader.   

Instead of sitting around thinking about your shortcomings and all the things you don’t do really well, I want you to write down every little thing that you do know how to do well. I don’t care how insignificant it might seem or how much it doesn’t seem to relate to your work. I want you to write it down. 

Are you into beading as a way to relax? Can you unscramble word puzzles in nothing flat? Do you notice the smallest changes in your surroundings? Do friends come to you for advice? You never follow a recipe, yet people rave about your cooking? Write it all down. Take your time and make sure your list is comprehensive. I don’t care if it includes bathing the cat. (Do you have any idea how hard that is?) 

Now, look at that list. You think beading is meaningless? It shows you’re a meticulous detail person with an aesthetic eye. Unscrambling word puzzles means your brain is super good at making sense out of patterns. Noticing changes makes you keenly observant. Your friends come to you because you’re a good listener and good at solving relational issues. Your culinary flair shows fearlessness and an ability to pull together seemingly unrelated ingredients to create something new and delicious. 

All of these supposedly simple things reveal powerful abilities and gifts only you can bring to the table. Every client I ask to do this process ends up really surprising themselves! Now, the next thing I want you to do is add your character attributes to this list. For example, kindness, gratitude, resilience, perseverance, etc. Even if you’re naturally modest, do your best not to hold back. 

Now, look at that list. Hello? You’re a powerhouse! The only problem is, you’ve just never been taught to see it let alone use those capabilities or, heaven forbid, actually list them.

Combine your character list with the list of all the things you can do, and imagine taking that list with you to work every single day and showing up as that person. Would you be more of an asset to your company? Would they be able to see who you really are? Would you? Could you kick the Imposter Syndrome to the curb at last and finally realize that you are a pioneer, not an imposter?

Transformation is perception

Now, make the “other” list—you know, the negative one with all the flaws and faults you’re all too familiar with. Write down the ways in which you fail and aren’t good enough, as well as the character attributes that go with that list. Place this negative list side-by-side with your powerhouse list. Guess what? Both lists belong to the same person. You’re looking in a mirror that reflects all of you.

Everybody has good points and not-so-good points, strengths and weaknesses. Welcome to the club. Nobody’s perfect; everybody’s human. However, my point is, which part of you are you focused upon? Which list do you live with day after day? Can you see that the list you choose to focus on every day is the version of yourself that inevitably shows up? Can you also see that the things you aren’t good at are simply opportunities waiting to be explored?

Knowing that your choice will shape your career and your life, which list do you choose? And remember, most likely, you have inflated the list of your flaws out of habit, repetition and negative reinforcement from the world around you. As well, most likely, you have deemphasized your strengths and positive attributes out of fear of appearing prideful or over-inflated. 

So many people believe that genuine change is almost impossible to attain when, in fact, it really boils down to a simple matter of rewiring your brain by choosing where you place your focus. It isn’t rocket science. It’s a step-by-step process that anyone can do. So? Which list do you prefer? What thoughts, feelings and actions do you want to invest in? Take the time to consciously decide, then follow through with the steps outlined below.

Focus on your strengths

At the moment, the world is deeply locked into the perception that it is flawed and broken. You can see, quite clearly, which list society has (so far) chosen. In the West, we’ve been rigorously trained to focus on our weaknesses and been told to strengthen them. And yet what about focusing on our strengths? The opposite of Imposter Syndrome.

A long time ago, I read a quote from the health guru Deepak Chopra, MD, and he said something like this: “What do you do when you’re great at tennis but really bad at math? Take tennis lessons or hire a math tutor?” This is a “glass half-empty versus glass half-full” question. Instead of doing what most people do and hire the tutor, what about embracing the half-full glass and taking tennis lessons? Maybe you’re the next Serena Williams and don’t even know it!

Changing your life begins and ends with changing how you view yourself. But sometimes old habits are hard to break. If, despite your desire to change and focus on your strengths, you find yourself drawn back to the negative list that keeps you small, you may well be expressing an old unconscious and unresolved pattern of being loyal to somebody in your family system who also stayed small. If this is the case, ask yourself:

  • Who in my family is negative? Who thinks small? 
  • How am I invested in being like them?
  • Who thinks big and how are they judged or perceived in the family?

Does your mom fly under the radar at all costs, never bringing attention to herself at work or at family gatherings? Was your dad afraid to advance and be the first in his family to get a college degree? Did your older sister go out and start her own business and draw fierce criticism for being “dangerously irresponsible” from your parents and/or other family members? These are the kinds of “Imposter Syndrome” things to look for. Find the places where you or your family members struggle, are dissatisfied, dogmatic, or stuck. 

If you find such people and events in your family system, now you know where the habit of being small (aka Imposter Syndrome) came from and why it’s so hard to switch focus from the old list to the new. It’s not you. It’s just an inherited emotional DNA pattern in your family. And you’re being asked to break the mold!

Ask yourself:

  • When did this pattern begin to show up in me?
  • What was happening in my life at the time?
  • What could have triggered this pattern?

After you answer those questions, ask yourself: “What is my biggest desire? What do I want to change or experience in this particular area?” Be sure to write your answer down. Now, to help move in that direction, be sure to:

  • Post your desire statement where you can see it every day.
  • Post your powerhouse list next to it.
  • Acknowledge yourself and speak your powerhouse list out loud until you feel it in your body. 
  • Let yourself really experience appropriate pride and satisfaction knowing what you can do and what the best you is really like. Feeling positive emotions will help cement your positive list as a truth in your mind and body.

Commit to this. Some studies say it takes up to 40 days to rewire new thoughts and actions into your brain. But your brain has to tell your body a story that the body believes. That’s why engaging your powerhouse list every day is so important. Once your body believes the story and feels appropriate emotions about the story, your journey begins.  

And remember—you’ve already done most of the work. You’re not trying to become somebody better or new. This is not Imposter Syndrome. You already are that amazing creative genius in the kitchen who also easily cooks up new software solutions at work, making the whole IT division look good. And hey, remember—you can also bathe a cat.

Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint – #IATE with Judy Wilkins-Smith

Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint - #IATE with Judy Wilkins-Smith

Judy Wilkins-Smith is a highly regarded organizational, individual, and family patterns expert. A systemic executive coach, trainer, facilitator, thought partner, and leadership conference and motivational speaker, she has 18 years of expertise in assisting high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance. She is the author of the book Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint: A Powerful Guide to Transformation Through Disentangling Multigenerational Patterns.

In this inspiring podcast, Sounds True’s founder, Tami Simon, speaks with Judy about the deep work of transforming our ancestral patterns on the path of personal evolution. They discuss Bert Hellinger and the creation of constellations and systems-based work; engaging in a multisensorial experience of your system; reengineering what we’ve inherited as truth; illuminating our “unconscious loyalties”; how we can take a “quantum leap” that serves the entire system; how every system has its clear rules—both spoken and unspoken; Judy’s teaching on “building the weight” and doing the things you never thought possible; a constellation exercise for feeling a greater sense of belonging in our families; epigenetics and the imprinting of generational behavioral patterns; what neuroscience tells us about rewiring our thoughts, feelings, and actions; laying down a triumphant path instead of a traumatic path; decoding our emotional blueprint when we have a health challenge; and more.

Subscribe to Sounds True for more: Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint by Judy Wilkins-Smith: Sounds True –

Amazon – Barnes & Noble – IndieBound (Bookshop) – – Sounds True was founded in 1985 by Tami Simon with a clear mission: to disseminate spiritual wisdom. Since starting out as a project with one woman and her tape recorder, we have grown into a multimedia publishing company with more than 80 employees, a library of more than 1500 titles featuring some of the leading teachers and visionaries of our time, and an ever-expanding family of customers from across the world. In more than three decades of growth, change, and evolution, Sounds True has maintained its focus on its overriding purpose, as summed up in our Mission Statement. Connect with us: Facebook: Instagram: Website:

Judy Wilkins-Smith decodes emotional DNA

Judy Wilkins-Smith decodes emotional DNA

MOBILE, Ala. (WALA) – Judy Wilkins-Smith, world-renowned Systemic Work and Constellations Expert, Author, and Motivational Speaker, explains how to use systemic Work and Constellations to uncover the multi-generational patterns that instruct our relationships, discern those that are in service of growth and those that are not, and offers guidance for shifting those limiting, inherited patterns to create healthy, dynamic relationships. She is the author of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint: A Powerful Guide to Transformation Through Disentangling Multigenerational Patterns.

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The Dream Catcher Podcast

Every human is born unique as a snowflake. We inherit physical DNA that gives us our appearance, personalities, and characteristics. But did you know that we also inherit emotional DNA?  

This ancestral blueprint of thoughts and feelings determine how we perceive and act. My guest Judy Wilkins-Smith says that when we understand our emotional blueprint, transformation is always possible. Join me for this empowering discussion with her!

Judy Wilkins-Smith is a highly regarded organizational, individual, and family patterns expert. A systemic executive coach, trainer, facilitator, thought partner, and leadership conference and motivational speaker, she has 18 years of expertise in assisting high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance. 

In this interview, Judy shares a variety of strategies and practices to help you decode your emotional blueprints. We’ll talk about detecting hidden and multigenerational patterns, recognizing their purpose and transforming old cycles to create a life of greater meaning and impact.

Interview time stamps:

02:25 ︳Judy explains why people are becoming increasingly curious about their ancestry

06:20 ︳Judy talks about the events in her life that led to the work she does as a systemic coach

08:34 ︳How do we get clues about our life path from other people

09:51 ︳Why systemic work has both a metaphysical and scientific aspect to it

12:07 ︳What is emotional DNA, and how it develops

14:00 ︳Addictions through the lens of systemic work

15:41 ︳The different ways that we can learn about our systemic patterns

17:37 ︳Why some people find it easier to break patterns than others (and what to do about it)

23:35 ︳How our language and our body’s messages can tell us about our emotional DNA

25:00 ︳Meta patterns and why they keep us in a systemic trance

26:20 ︳Why Judy believes that victim mentality is one of the biggest meta patterns in our times and how to shift it

32:06 ︳How to begin shifting patterns that no longer serve us

32:06 ︳Judy explains how the Universe begins to support us when we start taking action

Learn more about Judy Wilkins-Smith and her book “Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint” at her website.




Inspired Conversations: Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint

Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint

Aired Tuesday, November 8, 2022 at 11:00 AM PST / 2:00 PM EST

We all have inherited Family Patterns that are not ours and no longer serve us. In today’s conversation with Judy Wilkins-Smith, author of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint: A Powerful Guide to Transformation Through Disentangling Multigenerational Patterns she’ll share how to identify your pattern, how we can break through them and so much more.

About the Guest:

Judy Wilkins-Smith is a highly regarded organizational, individual, and family patterns expert. A systemic executive coach, trainer, facilitator, thought partner, and leadership conference and motivational speaker, she has 18 years of expertise in assisting high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance.

Passionate about visionary leadership and positive, accelerated, global change, Judy uses her ability to understand critical dynamics in personal and organizational systems and the points at which they intersect, to create growth and success. As the Founder of System Dynamics for Individuals and Organizations, she collaborates with individuals and corporate decision-makers to implement innovative, ‘whole system’ design elements, ensuring balance, appetite for excellence, passion, and sustained success.

She is the author of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint: A Powerful Guide to Transformation Through Disentangling Multigenerational Patterns (Sounds True, June 2022).

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Emotional Spring Cleaning: Indigo Sun

Emotional Spring Cleaning

Clear Away Old Patterns and Open the Door to New Beginnings with a Systemic Approach to Transformation

Spring is an exciting time of year. Trees and gardens sprout new growth. Students catch spring fever and play hooky. The rest of us go into a frenzy of spring cleaning. Like our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents before us, we clear out closets, pack winter clothes away, clean windows and contemplate the garage. We get the “itch” to do home improvement. At the very least we buy some flowers to bring a bit of color back into our lives.

But spring cleaning is more than an annual household event. It’s an internal happening as well. As nature awakens, something stirs in us. We feel a twinge of creativity, a flutter of potential signaling new growth and a calling to new adventures. We feel deep stirrings. But do we always act on them? Do we pursue these inner urgings to change? More often than not, we don’t. And more often than not we don’t even know why.

I remember Louise, a client who came to me soon after she had gotten her real estate sales license. Despite the beautiful spring day, she was dressed somberly in grey slacks and a black jacket. For years she’d worked quietly as a clerk in her county’s administrative offices until she discovered she had a love for houses, a flare for sales and an easy ability to work with people. She was excited about her new career. But she felt intimidated by her female associates, all of whom dressed in an upscale manner and drove late model cars. “I bought a few new clothes,” she gestured to her uninspiring outfit. “And I know I should get a newer car. But it all feels wrong. I’m freaking out and I don’t know why. It’s just so stupid!”

It’s not like she came from a poor background. An only child from a solid middle class family, she’d gone to good schools and had never wanted for anything … except, as it turned out, anything fashionable or colorful. Her mother, a nurse whom she desperately admired, never wore makeup. She had shopped for drab, unfashionable clothes for herself and Louise at bargain basements and Goodwill. Even Louise’s bike, which she rode to school for years, was old and ugly when she got it. “I remember when I was twelve I wanted a bright red bike with a white basket for Christmas.” She sighed unhappily. “I got a boy’s used brown Schwinn.”

When Louise told me she couldn’t remember her mother’s mother wearing anything but black or dark brown, it became obvious there was a family pattern of the women being extremely modest and self-effacing. As we drilled down, a light bulb finally went off for Louise. “Oh, my God!” she exclaimed. “I remember there was a picture of Grandma taken in Paris right before World War II. She had pink cheeks and was wearing this beautiful pink dress with a pink bow in her hair and she looked so happy.”

“What happened to her?” I asked.

Louise blushed and ducked her head. “I forgot because it was never talked about. But she was raped by a German soldier. My mom was born nine months later and after the war the family moved here to America.”

And there it was. All of her life Louise had lived in the shadow of that rape. Driven by concern for her safety, her grandmother had taught her daughter to never call attention to herself by wearing colorful things—to never look pretty or make a statement with her cars, clothes or makeup. Louise’s mother, in unconscious loyalty to her mother, raised Louise the same way. Now Louise, in unconscious loyalty to her mother, was doing the same thing. Almost 70 years after the fateful rape of her grandmother, she was dressing like a church mouse, torturing herself with anxiety over buying new clothes, upscaling her image and investing in a new car.

Once she saw the pattern and understood the unconscious ancestral program that was limiting her, Louise was able to make changes. She realized her fear wasn’t hers. She also realized it was okay to make other choices and that in doing so she would not be disrespecting her mother—something that was very important to her. The last time I saw her she was still dressed conservatively, but smartly, wearing a little makeup and a big smile as she proudly showed off her new car—a deep burgundy sedan. “It’s not exactly red,” she said. “But I’m getting there!”

Internal spring cleaning tips

So, what excites you this spring? What inner prompting for change is stirring? Does a new job beckon? A new hobby? A new relationship? A new step in your finances? A new fashion look?

Give yourself permission to explore possibilities and let yourself get excited about them. Just this act, in itself, is a gift. And if you need an excuse to cut loose from some of the old habits and constraints of your normal family ways of doing things, blame it on spring!

Once you settle on one particular change, explore your emotions. What feelings come up when you imagine yourself doing this new thing? Are they positive? Negative? Don’t judge. Just take note and jot all your feelings down.

Let’s say the idea of a new love relationship excites you, but misgivings show up. Maybe it even scares you. Explore relationship patterns in your family system to see if this fear even belongs to you. As we saw with Louise, emotional patterns take root and travel through the generations. You may well have inherited your fear from a parent or sibling or even an earlier ancestor who got badly burned in a love affair. Take note of the way you’re thinking. Do certain negative thoughts predominate? “I’m not attractive enough to find a great love. Good relationships don’t happen in our family. I’m not deserving enough.” Or how about, “Love is overrated.” Or “Love makes you weak.”

Just like emotions, thought patterns, words and sayings—something called systemic sentences— travel through the family line. We end up thinking and saying things automatically, never realizing these thoughts don’t really belong to us. Louise had some real zingers running through her head. “People who need attention are just begging for trouble” was one systemic sentence. Another was “Just keep your head down, don’t ask for much, and things will work out fine.” How could she possibly stand out and shine in a sales profession with thoughts like that running the show?

So, get a broom and sweep those old dusty thoughts from your focus. Acknowledge and thank the old patterns for the wisdom they have provided, then put them down and create new thoughts and feelings you can believe in deeply to replace them. Grab a cloth and polish the windows to your soul. Stand in front of a mirror, look yourself in the eye and tell yourself it’s not just okay to have a new love—or a new car or a new job or a new puppy—in your life. It’s your destiny. After all, it’s just a part of spring cleaning.

By Judy Wilkins-Smith

Judy Wilkins-Smith, author of Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint: A Powerful Guide to Transformation Through Disentangling Multigenerational Patterns, is a highly-regarded, international organizational, individual and family patterns expert, systemic coach, trainer, facilitator, leadership conference and motivational speaker and founder of System Dynamics for Individuals & Organizations.