Category: Success DNA

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How to Stop Imposter Syndrome & Become a Great Leader

How to stop imposter syndrome

How to Stop Imposter Syndrome & Become a Great Leader

As a coach dealing in executive leadership skills, I have the privilege of working with many top executives across many sectors on how to succeed as a leader. I’ve discovered that, quite frequently, executives stop short of being as great as they can be. The reasons for this differ: “I’m comfortable where I am. It’s too much responsibility to get bigger. I don’t know if I’m capable.” One of the more interesting excuses is: “If I take on a higher position, someone is going to find out I’m a fraud.” 

Imposter syndrome is real—at least in people’s minds until they finally realize the Imposter Syndrome is itself an imposter! The fear of not being enough, not being good enough, or being a fraud—despite having amazing gifts, talents and experience—plagues a surprising number of people. And this is partly because as much as entrepreneurial leadership is admired, we come from a global society that tends to frown upon standing out. Which means that even highly qualified, intelligent people run away from opportunities to excel.

And yet the very people who are paralyzed believing they’re imposters are actually pioneers!

How to be an inspiring leader

Those who dare to be big have one clear differentiator. They embody what I call Pioneer Syndrome. They may not have the answers, but are willing to find them or create them. All are willing to forge ahead where others fear to tread. They’re people with amazing gifts, talents and experience who often mistakenly believe they’re imposters because they’ve been taught to doubt themselves and believe that thinking well of themselves and having self-confidence is egocentric!

Some of the best leaders in the world started very small. Many have gotten where they’ve gotten in large part based on the soft skills they’ve been willing to build. Skills like patience, persistence, the ability to listen, good communication, empathy and imagination. Skills they’ve been able to leverage to good effect.

They moved upwards, one step at a time, even in the face of feeling uncertain and, yes, unworthy. They went for it despite their fears—just like all good pioneers do.

Interestingly, great leaders use these skills to their advantage all the time. And the wonderful thing about that is, most soft skills don’t cost anything to learn. They simply require that you pay attention and be the best version of yourself that you can be. Bob Iger, CEO of the Walt Disney Company, is a great example. He started out way low on the totem pole. But he was willing to pitch in wherever he was needed and always treated people with kindness. Something he is known for to this day. 

We often call such people visionaries and self-starters. Some, less kindly, refer to them as takers and overly ambitious. And yet the world cannot advance without somebody being willing to be big. One of the advantages of visionary leadership is the ability to inspire many people to their best “Yes!” That is the way great teams and great companies are formed. Inspired by examples of visionary leadership, people unite in a dream bigger than themselves, yet still fulfill their own dreams within the bigger goal.

How to combat imposter syndrome

Being great doesn’t mean that every person must be a CEO. But, stop and think. Given how much time you spend at work, the bigger you can be, the more passionate you feel about what you’re doing, the better you will feel about yourself. And one of the advantages of visionary leadership is you’ll also have a much greater positive impact upon the world while having nicer adventures along the way!

Here’s quick exercise. Ask yourself: “What personality trait do I have that could be turned into a superpower?” It could be your smile, your willingness to put in extra time, your resilience, or your kindness. These are not things we are generally taught to believe are important. But they are no small things! You can actually begin to build a personal brand around kindness, imagination, and persistence and other such soft skills.

Become a great leader

Stop and notice how the one person in the office that everybody goes to for assistance tends to advance. Watch how far they go. It’s not about hard skills. “Heart eats hard for breakfast.”

There are people who seem to have the humblest careers and yet somehow seem to have a lot of impact on people. They also tend to make a lot of money. I’ve watched some waitresses and waiters do this. And taxi drivers. Why do they make more than others in the same profession? They use their people skills. They’re not afraid to be big. To put themselves “out there.” To be seen. To be noticed. They’re not afraid to be themselves. They’re not afraid to care.

You want to know how to become a great leader? How to combat imposter syndrome? Leverage your heart. Your interests. Your passions. Your truest self. Being big isn’t egotistical. It grows the world and creates abundance, one courageous person at a time. 

“How big are you willing to be?” It’s up to you to find out!

To find out more about your emotional DNA and how to move from limited to being big,  join me at one of my live events.

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How to Eliminate Self Doubt: Stepping Beyond the Shadows

Eliminate self doubt

How to Eliminate Self Doubt: Stepping Beyond the Shadows

Generational patterns can run our lives and old ancestral patterns can keep us stuck in ancient  history, not moving forward. We all have them, the lovely little voices of self doubt and anxiety arising from those ancestral patterns—voices that effectively crush our best ideas and dreams. 

If you stop and pay attention to them, you will likely find that those limiting voices belong to a previous generation. Or they arise out of a prior event in your own life. You made a mistake, or you dropped the ball, or you made a bad choice and the consequences weren’t pretty. If this is the case, the worst has already happened. The event is in the past. You just haven’t brought it to a conclusion or resolved it. The voices of limiting beliefs about money, or how you aren’t loveable, or how you aren’t good enough, etcetera, keep the issue alive. It’s like the event keeps happening all over again.

How to begin to reach for your dreams

Bert Hellinger, the founder of Systemic Work & Constellations once said, “Happiness takes courage.” And he’s right! It’s so much easier to go along with the way things are than to make changes. It’s so much easier to just believe the voices rather than decide to go beyond them and reach for your dreams. 

Most of us don’t realize that sometimes all it takes to get the ball rolling towards change is a couple of simple questions. Two simple questions breaking generational patterns, taking you out of ancient history and unlocking your unconscious prison, pointing you in the direction of a very different future.

The first question is: “What more is possible here?” Once you’ve answered that question, the second is: “What do I need to change to get to what’s possible?” What do I need to add to my life in order to move towards my dream? Sometimes just asking the questions can help start you moving beyond the shadows towards the purpose waiting for you.

How to eliminate self doubt

Think of a dream that you would love to pursue—a dream plagued by those little thoughts of doubt. Ask yourself “To whom do these doubts belong?” Do they come from your family? Your workplace? Your culture? Your church? Your friends? If you can trace the voices, the words of doubt to others, what does that say?

It says your doubts aren’t really your own. You’ve simply adopted them through exposure and repetition.

If you can’t trace your doubts and negative voices to others in your immediate circle, you may well have old ancestral patterns showing up in you that have been passed down through your family lineage epigenetically. (This is what I call emotional DNA—the thoughts, words, actions, emotions, inactions, and choices of our ancestors that we inherit.)

Sometimes just the recognition that the voices aren’t ours can make all the difference and begin to free us up!

Get clear about where you stand

Sometimes what causes self-doubt is your uncertainty as to where you stand when it comes to your dreams. A simple exercise can show you where you are right now and if old ancestral patterns are standing in your way.

Take two pieces of paper. On the first sheet write down your dream. On the other, write down your doubt(s). Place them at opposite ends of the room. Now, go stand somewhere between the two pieces of paper. Just feel where you want to be. In the middle? Closer to one piece of paper than the other? Notice where you are drawn. 

If you find yourself wanting to stand closer to your doubts, you are likely caught in some sort of systemic trance stemming from your family, career, or cultural system. The voices of doubt that come from that source can sound awfully loud and pull very strongly. 

If you find yourself moving closer to your dream, notice what’s pulling you in that direction. Is there a whispering voice of inspiration in your head? Is your heart pulling you to express yourself? Is your gut telling you to go that way? Wonderful! Listen to them!

If you find yourself stuck midway, ask yourself what is needed to move towards your dream. As you identify an idea or a resource, write it down on a separate piece of paper and place it on the pathway nearer your dream. Keep  asking yourself “What is it I desire to experience?” Then wait for another idea. Write it down and add it to the “dream” side. Keep doing this until you’ve got enough weight—enough incentive—to pull you all the way to your dream.

Now, follow up on your ideas. When you do this once and experience a dream come true despite all those doubts, you will know how to move beyond other doubts and then you are well on your way to living the life that belongs only to you.

To find out more about your emotional DNA and how to make stretching towards your dreams a part of your daily life, join me at one of my live events.

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How Viewing Generational Patterns Through a Genealogical Lens Creates Success

Generational Patterns

How Viewing Generational Patterns Through a Genealogical Lens Creates Success

Gaining knowledge and insights about your generational patterns creates freedom and expansion. And one of the most fruitful areas to look for that knowledge from is your  ancestral heritage along with its accompanying emotional DNA.

So, what is emotional DNA? I’ve discussed it many times before, but briefly, it’s the patterns of  emotions, thoughts, actions and inactions you’ve inherited from your family lineage. You’ve probably heard of generational trauma and family patterns? That’s what I’m talking about here.

Genealogy through an Emotional DNA lens

Being able to have a direct encounter with your ancestral heritage by realizing it is embodied in you and perhaps expressing through you is a powerful and transformative experience that facilitates breakthroughs, insights, and change.  To go in search of your genealogical heritage, hold in mind specific issues and/or problems you are experiencing. Perhaps you’re experiencing a consistent lack of money. Or perhaps you have trouble holding onto intimate relationships, or you never seem to get ahead at work no matter how hard you try.

As you investigate your genealogy and discover what some of your ancestors were up to, what they experienced and went through historically, answers to your own issue (s) may begin to surface. Maybe you had a great-grandmother who lived through the 1904 earthquake in San Francisco. Or an ancestor who took part in the French revolution, or experienced the pogroms in Russia. Ancestral trauma is a very real thing. Notice your thoughts, feelings, and actions as you begin to uncover possible clues about historical events that may have triggered the expression of multigenerational family patterns in you.

Eye-opening insight into generational patterns

It’s an amazing thing to realize that choices made by those who came before you about the events that happened in their lives, have become the language, feelings, thoughts and actions that often live in you and are expressed by you. For example, Doug was stuck in a dead-end job. He knew he had the talent to be in upper-level management and make his way to the C-Suite. His line manager kept thanking him for the ways he evoked and nurtured talent in others around him, yet never gave Doug the promotion he deserved. He thought about leaving the company many times, but didn’t quite have the courage to do so. Not surprisingly, Doug felt trapped.

When we looked at his family beliefs and history, Doug realized that his father had also been undervalued and unacknowledged in the employment agency where he worked. Perennially overlooked for promotion, his father refused to complain or look for more substantive work, saying he needed to put food on the table, and he wasn’t about to jeopardize the family’s safety by leaving a steady job.

The trend went further back to his grandfather’s work as a perpetual line manager in the auto industry, and possibly back before that. Doug also recognized that employee loyalty and job longevity were highly prized in his father’s and grandfather’s generations. In fact, his father would often tell him, “Stick to one place and don’t make waves, son. Security above all.”

You are not stuck

Once Doug saw the pattern, he was determined to make a change. When I pointed out that experience in several different companies can actually add value to one’s resume, Doug was able to objectively evaluate his skills and capabilities. Realizing his value, it became a no-brainer for him to seek employment elsewhere. He was quickly snapped up at a higher salary and position.

By understanding the systemic piece that had kept him stuck—the multigenerational family pattern expressing through his emotional DNA—Doug was able to make a different choice that gave him a sense of freedom and self-confidence he had not enjoyed before. 

Take it from Doug: You are not stuck, or restricted. It’s just that an unsatisfying situation in your life may well belong to your ancestors! Ask yourself: “Is my life a reflection of another family member? Am I repeating generational patterns? What else is possible through me? What do I want? What is possible for those who come after me?”

Remember, everyone adds to the family system and family behavior patterns in some way. Change is growth. What will your gifts be?

Success and freedom are right within your grasp. Once you understand what has you feeling limited or trapped you will be able to reshape your life and career.

To learn more, join me at one of my interactive events.

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Emotional DNA and Interactive Genealogy: What It Is & Why It Matters

Emotional DNA

Emotional DNA and Interactive Genealogy: What it is & Why it Matters

Traditional genealogy can tell you where you came from and to whom you are linked. With the evolution of DNA saliva tests, you came to understand why you may look the way you do, discovered how to find your ancestors, and began to connect with people related to you who once were strangers. But when we bring together genealogy and emotional DNA–inherited patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions, including generational trauma patterns—a whole new world of personal information opens up for you.

Can you inherit heroism?

Most of us harbor secret hopes that our ancestors were incredible heroes or important figures in history. But what if you’re not directly descended from somebody famous? Does that mean you’re out of luck knowing whether you inherited any of those hero genes? Not at all! It’s actually possible to tell if someone in your family lineage was a hero.

How can that be? Well, just ask yourself a simple question: “How do I act, think, and feel in my own life?” Now tune in and think about it. Do you find yourself always standing up for the underdog? Are you unafraid to question authority? Have you surprised yourself by taking crazy dares now and then without a thought to your personal safety? If so, you probably have quite a few heroes quietly stashed away in your family line!

How is this possible? Well, we all know that we inherit our physical DNA. But studies in epigenetics now show that significant events in a person’s life can create an impact on their DNA. Strong emotions in an ancestor’s life such as extraordinary bravery, determination in the face adversity, courage overcoming terrible fear—these emotions quite literally imprint that person’s DNA, creating a blueprint for behavioral patterns that is then passed down to successive generations. These epigenetic inheritance patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions are what we refer to as our emotional DNA.

So, what else does this mean?  It means that your depression, anger, happiness, success, failure, issues with money and fear of commitment (and a lot of other issues and family behavior patterns) may well have their roots in prior generations. Stuff you’re experiencing that’s tripping you up in life may not belong to you at all! But it may be asking you to notice it. 

Generational patterns can be changed

And yet most people don’t know this. Instead, we go along through life repeating generational patterns faithfully as though they were our own. My client “Rita” is a perfect example.

Rita was embarrassed to admit it, but she always had to have a fully stocked pantry—and then some. Anything less than several overflowing closets filled with food created extreme anxiety and distress for her, and she couldn’t understand why. Paradoxically, Rita is pretty wealthy and can buy whatever she wants, whenever she wants. When I pressed her on the subject, she kept saying, “You never know what might happen. I could lose it all in an instant. If I don’t have food stores, I might not be able to survive.” 

When we looked at her family history, two generations had met with economic downturns and food shortages. Her great-great-great grandparents fled Ireland escaping the Irish Potato Famine. Her grandmother’s parents, once well-to-do, were impoverished during the Great Depression. She remembered hearing her grandmother tell her to always make sure she had enough food and money to last at least six months if not a year or more!

Again, even though Rita was well off and had a solid nest egg, she embodied the extreme trauma of starvation and loss carried in her emotional DNA from two different sets of family experiences—and possibly more going even further back in her genealogical history. On top of that, she carried the memory of her grandmother’s advice and the words of her own mother, constantly advising her to “Waste not, want not” and how she should always “Be prepared.”

“The idea of even wasting a penny just freaks me out,” Rita said. “It keeps me working long hours with my nose to the grindstone. I can’t even enjoy the success I’ve created.”

Honoring family patterns and moving on

When Rita finally got that her penny-pinching and food hoarding obsessions weren’t really hers, the lightbulb switched on. She realized it was up to her to break the generational poverty mindset. She was the person in her family who was being invited to change old negative family patterns and create something new.

When she took the next step and realized that her grandmother and mother had pinched pennies so that she didn’t have to, that gave her pause for thought. She remembered how her grandmother used to say she wished she could take her kids and grandkids on trips and have adventures. At that point, she realized that she could give her grandmother and mother a legacy by doing what they could not. She could stock one pantry in peace and take the time off to take her own children on family vacations.

Rita was breaking generational cycles by setting down the family limitations, embracing her mother’s and grandmother’s dreams as well as her own hopes and desires, setting new patterns of adventure and abundance into motion with a happy heart.

Want to learn more about emotional DNA and how it applies to you? 

Come to one of my interactive events and experience firsthand how to change the effects of behavioral genetics on your life and create new patterns of success! Click here to find out more information. 

Emotional DNA
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Why Your Words Matter When It Comes to Success

your words matter

Why Your Words Matter When It Comes To Success

Your words matter. Language matters. If you think they don’t, think about the times you’ve been told “You’re not” and “You’ll never.” These are some of the most powerful words in the English language. You know what I mean. How many times have you heard, “You’re not good enough” … or thin enough, or rich enough, smart enough, athletic enough? And then there’s the “You’ll never.” You’ll never catch up. You’ll never catch on. You’ll never make the grade. You’ll never live up to your father or brother or sister or predecessor. And on and on.

Systemic Language and Inherited Behaviors

Everyone has heard these phrases—many of which are systemic language from their family system—phrases that are just part of the family lingo, so much so that we hardly notice them. Unfortunately, these are the words that self limiting beliefs are made of. Hear them often enough, and one of two things happens. Either we let those limiting belief examples shape our sense of self, give up, and live down to the low expectations. Or we use those negative pronouncements as a motivator and rise above them.

If you give up, unconsciously (or even consciously) and agree with what you’ve been told, the limiting words can become your embodied truth—heavy boat anchors, dragging you down. For those who don’t give up, something different is happening. They reframe those same words and craft their language to deliberately create a totally different reality. “You’re not good enough” becomes “I am good enough!” And that kind of successful thinking then becomes their north star.

Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

How we think and speak literally create our personal reality. But here’s the key: In order to use language as a potent force for powerful change and manifest your goals, your body must believe the words you’re thinking and speaking. In other words, your brain has to tell your body a story it can believe and thus buy. For example, say you’ve just gotten a new job that uses computer systems you’re totally unfamiliar with. Out of pride (or fear or both) you ask no one for help. Instead, you say to yourself over and over again, “I can do this. Even if I don’t know what to do right now, I can figure this out!”

Those are all great sentences. But, until the body believes them, no movement takes place, no old systemic language is rewired. That sinking feeling in your gut and that panicky flutter in your chest is your body telling you, “Nope. I don’t buy it. You’re never figuring that out!” And now your brain has told your body a story it can believe that doesn’t serve you.

On the other hand, if you tell yourself something like, “I’m a quick learner. If I just get somebody to show me the ropes, I’ll be up to speed in no time. I know I’m building my success in this new job one step at a time. And that shows strength and persistence Watch me grow here!” then you are heading in a totally different direction.

These strong words along with positive action actually elevate your body’s emotions. And science has proven that when strong, positive emotions are present in the body, learning happens more easily. The process is accelerated even more when strong, positive emotions can be attached to a desired purpose, direction, or goal.

Words Matter and Elite Athletes Know It

 

This is exactly how elite athletes and highly accomplished people overcome self-limiting beliefs and achieve success. They are deeply conscious of the thoughts and language they use, the emotions they feel and the actions they take. They have figured out that they are, indeed, conscious co-creators of their lives. They have moved past any thoughts of being at someone else’s mercy and into an adventure they are consciously creating.

How to Let Go of Limiting Beliefs

To understand this better, identify an area of your life where you have a distinct feeling – either positive or negative – that you can sense in your body. For example, maybe you feel a deep uncertainty and even anxiety about a co-worker. You just can’t tell whether or not s/he is being honest with you. What do you tell yourself about this situation? What to you tell yourself about this co-worker? What are your thoughts, feelings and actions about your anxiety? Write your observations down.

  • Now, ask yourself, “What do I make these thoughts mean? About myself? About others?” Jot your observations down.
  • Notice that you are the one creating the thoughts and feelings and you are the one who has the choice about what they will be and how they affect you.

You are never at the mercy of a whimsical universe when you are aware of your thoughts, words and actions. Far from it! You are consciously creating your life! By rewiring old systemic language, developing new thoughts, emotions and actions, you are continuously shaping your world. And your life can change in an instant!

 

Adventure awaits you! Take a deep dive with me into systemic language at one of my live events, and begin to consciously shape the life that you truly want to experience. 

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Leaders are created by their choices

Align Your Personal & Professional Life

Your level of leadership depends on where you came from and what you tell yourself about that.

By what they think, hear, feel and also by what they inherit from the generations that
came before them. Above all they are created by what they make that inheritance consciously mean in their lives.

Legendary coach Vince Lombardi once said:

“Leaders aren’t born, they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work.

And that’s the price we have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal.”

He’s partially right but it’s not just about hard work.

It’s about consistent and conscious work.

It’s also about knowing what lives in your family system and how that’s affected you and
make no mistake it does.

Whether you know them or are closely connected or not at all.

At some point legendary leaders make the choice to be leaders.

They choose to have something to stand for and then they
dedicate themselves to being the best leaders and living the best lives that they can.

They understand that a great life isn’t about just drifting. It’s about crafting mindfully.

And if you ask them, they can generally tell you the moments or events that ignited that.

Quite often it begins early on in life. Many times, in reaction to an event and what they made that event mean for them.
Once that decision is made and accepted, it becomes their north star.

They explore, grow, and assimilate everything aligns them with their decision.

They continually add knowledge and insight to their inner world which in turn affects their outer world.

They teach themselves to be willing to look.

In terms of success in our lives, more than anything, it’s a matter of making a choice and then dedicating yourself to making that a reality.

To do that you have to able to pay attention to what lives in your mind and in your systems around you and your family system is rich with clues.

They live in your language, thoughts, feelings actions and reactions. In your leadership, success, relationships, finances.

In fact, just about everything around you.

You don’t just inherit physical DNA you also inherit your patterns of thoughts feelings and actions and the first place

they come from are your family systems. We are all constantly activating and wiring instructions to our brains.

Often not very kind ones either and changing that begins a process of success and fulfillment.

The most successful people know that they have to do this mindfully and consciously. They align everything they do, say,
feel or think with what they want and a set of instructions that keep them headed in the right direction.

Their self-talk, choices, goals, and commitment keep them on track.

It’s all about consciously choosing and then dedicatedly and repeatedly
growing strong patterns or changing limiting ones, that takes them to success.

Mindful patterns require, passion, a clear goal or driver or both and the willingness to look at and invest in themselves.
Often I ask the leaders I work with what they stand for and why that is so important and most of them can tell me what started
the ball rolling for them and what pulls them to keep going and growing.

What many of them don’t consciously connect with, are the dots between what started them on their path and what may
have happened in generations prior to them.

Or as the result of a significant event in their own lives and their response to

multi-generational patterns of thought, feelings, and actions they used to react to the event.

You see great leaders don’t happen in a vacuum.

They use the thoughts, feelings and actions that live in their family or
organizational systems too. And when they do so consciously, it enables them to elevate from being good leaders to legendary
leaders.

Let me explain and then give you an example:

Who we are as leaders is based first on our primary pattern makers. Our family
system. We watch listen and tell ourselves what is right or wrong and then act accordingly.

By the way we do that throughout our lives in our day to day world.

Society is a large meta system and different parts of it also have their rules and regulations that we obey to belong and disobey
at our risk.

Every family has a unique pattern of language, thoughts, feelings, and actions to which we are constantly responding.
We move either in reaction to, or in collusion with, our family systems.

And for those of you leaders who are not connected to your families, even you are responding to them in their absence or
presence: “I will never be like them.” “I will show them all.” “If they knew me they might be impressed” “I will make a family of
my own through my company.”

As I said you are evolving in reaction to or collusion with them. Know them or not.
Some of you will tell me “I don’t even know them, so how can I be like them?”

Research suggests that these patterns are passed down to us through the generations. Mostly quite unconsciously.

In life with respect to the systems of which we are a part we have two choices. To repeat the patterns or to do it differently.

A phrase you will hear quite often in systemic work and constellations.
The most intriguing aspect of systemic work is perhaps to realize that our family and indeed all other systems are geared
towards our evolution. Waiting and wanting for us to change.

Hoping we will add to or change the history or stuck-ness that lives in our family line. The minute we start looking at our
patterns and/or the patterns of those who came before us we are no longer flying blind. And when we embrace the gifts that
those patterns offer us in terms of growth everything changes.

Now the world and our families are always in service of us and we can see it.

Sometimes pieces of our past or childhood are painful, and we get stuck there. It’s when we can look at those places and
notice their gifts waiting for us to grow them that things begin to shift for us.

We have been so conditioned as human beings to suffer our way into transformation that we have no idea that we have
success and fulfillment in our very own hands.

But how?

It’s all the wiring that we do in reaction to what’s around us and what came before us.
Our brains and systems are truly magical (alright ‘remarkable’) collaborators when we use them wisely and consciously and leaders who do this become visionary leaders. They use what they have to create what they want.

We are the creators of our world around us. We tell ourselves things, have feelings in response and then believe those
feelings and tell our brains this is what’s happening and wire it in. We believe what we are telling ourselves about ourselves
and the world around us all the time!!

And then we make that the truth only it’s really just our truth!

Leaders do this all the time and systemic work and constellations teaches good leaders to become great leaders by
exploring those patterns in their family and organizational systems and choosing what they wish to make them mean in
their own lives and leadership.

They are astounded to see how much of who they are begins in the family system and even more amazed to see how their
family systems have contributed to who they are as leaders.

I teach an entire module of work that I teach devoted exclusively to leaders and organizations and how to explore and
evolve both.

Once leaders know what lives in their systems, they are able to see what has held them back and what has elevated them.
They learn to explore obstacles and limitations and reframe them into the gifts and strengths they were meant to be.

I recently had a client who went into a high state of anxiety because she thought she had messed up her entire career by
neglecting to take good care of it. She was under the mistaken impression that just ‘being a good
soldier’ would get her noticed and result in rewards including promotions.

Life doesn’t work that way. We have to take good care of those careers and grow them like children.

As we started working together I was curious to understand why she hadn’t gone all the way to the top?

She certainly had the capability. We looked at ways that she could step up and gain more visibility and within a short while

one of her leaders told her they were impressed and surprised and wondered where she had been all this time?

What a compliment! Well not for my client! She went into shock, thinking she had neglected her career somehow.
So, we took a look at her father’s career and she realized that he had always said: “Always look after your career, work hard
but don’t stick your neck out too far.

She had faithfully listened to not sticking her neck out too far and made that her mantra and in doing so she had yet another insight.

He once told her he wondered what might have happened if he’d taken some bigger projects or chances that he had been

offered but his father had said family first and turned down a large promotion of his own.

Notice the multi-generational effect?

When she could see that she had built a solid framework like her dad had she was pleased!

She’d done what the family system said was right.

At the same time, she realized that not sticking her neck out and
promoting herself was hurting her.

Yet here was the opportunity… her father had also said I wish I had taken a few more risks but… family first.

She was able to see that by making herself more visible and showing who she was and what she stood for she could

put herself in a great position to excel. It wasn’t taking a chance it was investing in her growth.

When she pointed out to her father that he had always said family first just like her grandfather, he showed her how
furthering her own career afforded her family more chances. So, she could be at ease with that too.

Later when she spoke with her mother, her mother told her that she had always wished that her father would have gone as
far as he could and that settled her even further.

But take a look at how that language that lived in her family precluded her at first from taking a compliment

from her boss and instead turning it into self-doubt and shock.

We all do that. We do what I call toilet talk.

Leaders learn to move beyond that and wire their brains differently and consciously.

They invest in what grows them not what slows them.

Systemic work and constellations show you where and how you set yourself up for failure and how to flip that around and use
the multi-generational patterns in your system for success.

Neuroscience will tell you that you are re-wiring your brain.

Systemic work and constellations use a multidimensional process called a constellation to explore where your patterns
came from, how they serve or limit you, and how to reframe them into patterns of success.

As leaders, this is a powerful tool for taking your leadership to the next level.

Moving you from good to great.

I work with a number of Fortune 500 leaders around the world and with leaders at all levels in all walks of life. I am honored to
be able to watch everyday people elevate their internal leadership and shine.

I look forward to meeting you too and watching the leader in you emerge.

Now it’s your turn.

Please share below so we can learn from each another in our community!

Please do not hesitate to reach out to us on our contact page if you have any questions or need support. We are here to serve your leadership!

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The Magic of Purpose & Clarity

Purpose & Clarity

When people tell me they’re stuck and can’t find their purpose quite often what they are sharing is that they haven’t made something meaningful enough to commit to and invest in all the way.

Your old patterns and unconscious loyalties may be getting in your way. You see, that kind of purpose doesn’t have excuses or reasons to stop. It is strong and you find yourself plugging in until you get there and you are the one who chooses it. You make meaning of something that changes your life.  

Many people who make it, tell themselves something really important and builds a strong enough reason to bypass all their ‘buts’ and all the multi-generational patterns and focus on that one thing. Watch people in the zone. They are living their purpose. The bumps and hiccups are a part of the adventure and they know that. Every step grows their purpose in some way. 

By the way, you are always living a purpose but there are different levels of purpose and I will be sharing more about this in my advanced class on Purpose and Clarity DNA at Disney World.

One of the reasons people are so drawn to purpose is that they suspect that there’s something rather special about it and they are right. Purpose is the antidote to your cycles of limitation. It is one of the keys to a life you want. When you have a strong purpose nothing much will stop you. When everyone is looking at all the reasons something can’t happen, you are figuring out how it can. 

Purpose pulls you past all the limiting thoughts in your family, your organization, your community. It is in service of the bigger you and then you are in service of so much more. You find yourself wanting to share what you have learned or gained. You become the difference.

With purpose comes its companion, clarity. It can appear in a few ways. It might illuminate your purpose or the path to your purpose or help you gain clarity around the patterns and loyalties that may have lived in your systems for generations. You may find that you are having discussions you have avoided or you might see how your limitations were inherited from way back in the system and now it’s time for that to change through you. 

Finding your purpose begins with paying attention to what calls to you. Transformation always begins with wanting more and paying attention. If nothing has moved you then you might ask yourself what stops me from wanting or feeling. Once you pay attention and notice what keeps showing up for you that calls to your spirit and you make it mean something special, the game is on! 

Purpose demands a step beyond complacency, the couch, and the television. It stretches you and elevates you. There’s a mighty good reason that purpose is associated with endorphins. It’s a clue to the transformation you seek. 

At the Purpose and Clarity workshop, attendees will find out what stops you from finding your purpose and learn how to find it.

Break the patterns that keep you stuck and you breakthrough to your greatness.   

How big are you willing to be?

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Tapping Into Your Success DNA

Be a changemaker. Create your own Success DNA.
Success is delightful. It generates that feeling of can-do, a sense that we’re fulfilling our potential. It’s like a door has opened and we’re making a real difference. You find yourself wishing you could feel that way every day.

Yet as much as we crave success, for many people, success is a real fear. Some of us are afraid our success might suggest an inflated ego or a less spiritual path. We’re frightened of losing friends. By contrast, we seem to have no trouble creating our failures and repeating them with annoying frequency.

It’s as though we’re somehow sabotaging that which we desire most. We may find ourselves saying things like “It’s not meant to be,” or “There’s another plan for me.” We may look at our families and think, “It’s as though we are doomed all live mediocre lives.” Sound frustratingly familiar?

Your frustration is urging you to being your own journey to success. 
As intrigued as we are by the struggles and successes of our ancestors, luck has absolutely nothing to do with it. Although we can create it based on our decisions about events in our lives, most of our Success (or Failure ) DNA is inherited, much like our Physical DNA. Patterns of success and failure are handed down through generations, created by our ancestors’ unique language, mindsets and actions. And what began as our history can become our present and unless we pay attention, also our future. In the world of what we might call interactive genealogy, you are the changemaker.

Can you mindfully create your own Success DNA? 
The brain thinks, the heart feels. The brain creates a mindset and the heart responds with an emotion that reinforces the mindset. This becomes our truth, then it becomes the truth and we live by that without stopping to consider that it may be the decisions about the events in our lives or those of our ancestors, that have created our limitations.

However, what looks like failure in one generation can often morph into success in the next. Once we know what patterns live in our systems, we can change them. Using constellations and the systemic approach to explore these patterns, we can interactively gain new insights and mindfully create new patterns and new ways of being. With new insights, feelings, language and actions, come new successes.

Explore your Success DNA now with me.
Start your journey by diving into the events, decisions, language and feelings that live in your system with Flight of the Changemaker printable Success DNA worksheet.

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If you want to dive deeper, come join me at Disney World, November 2-5 for an immersive and experiential Success DNA workshop. I promise you, it’ll be life-changing.