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How to Manifest Miracles & Create What You Want in Life

how to manifest miracles

How to Manifest Miracles & Create What You Want in Life

Want a Miracle? Here’s How

The thing about miracles is that, very often, as soon as we put in our request, we shoot ourselves in the foot. We really, really want something and don’t know how it’s going to happen. But our heart is trusting and open and says, “I’m very, very sure about this miracle!” It may even say, “I see it done!” Which is a really solid approach to take for understanding the manifestation process. Until the poison sneaks in and starts sewing doubt. “Aw, it’s not gonna happen,” you think. “How can that possibly happen?” And then, surprise! It doesn’t happen.

Any clues as to the origins of those doubts? If you said, your family system and the beliefs in that system, you are quite right. Very few of us are taught to believe in miracles growing up. So into the family systemic trance we go. And instead of being excited about life’s possibilities, we let negative thoughts control us and berate ourselves for having stupid thoughts and dreams. The power of your mind is incredible, but often we don’t harness it properly because we haven’t developed the positive thinking necessary to manifest what we truly desire.

Even the most enlightened among us are able to kickstart a dialogue of self-doubt (aka miracle destruction). It goes a little like this: “I’m almost sure __X__ is going to happen. But what if it doesn’t? I don’t want to invest too much time and energy on it if I’m only going to end up disappointed.” We don’t want to fail. And we also don’t want to feel like a fool for believing a miracle can occur.  Understanding the law of attraction means recognizing how these thought patterns affect our outcomes.

I hear from so many people things like, “When I was small, I wished for a pony. When I didn’t get one, I realized the stupidity of wishing.” So instead of hoping and believing, we go raid the refrigerator instead. At least we know we can count on that. This disconnects us from the present moment where miracles actually begin to take form.

Can You Spell Sabotage?

So, if you are almost sure of the miracle, why are you riddling it with verbal bullets? Where is the harm in being 100 percent invested in a miracle and believing it all the way to the finish line? Are you so fragile that what you deem to be a failure might stop you from ever wishing for anything again? The power of your thoughts has more influence than you may realize.

It’s really important to find out where in your system the ‘no’ to your miracles lies. If you don’t, your heart may be open to wonderful things, but your head and gut are always going to start an opposing discussion out of unconscious loyalty to the family system. Creating clear intentions is a powerful way to override these limiting family patterns. Explore your life and the lives of your family members. Whose voices are in your head saying you can’t expect good things to happen? Whose voices and attitudes are stomping on your heart’s dreams? 

Your head, heart, and gut must be in agreement for a miracle to manifest. Your heart has to be open and excited. Your mind has to be open and your thoughts positive. Your gut has to have that knowing feeling that “Yes! This is happening!”  If head, heart, and gut are not in alignment, we argue the miracle out of existence. We create blind spots and cannot see the miracle, even if it is right in front of us. 

For example, take the head. We need it to be clear about what we want. After all, this is the substance of miracles, right? Clearly ask and ye shall receive. So far, so good. But then the head starts to argue for all the reasons why it can’t logically happen. The family motto, “Everything we make is by the sweat of our brow,” kicks in. Or we recall grandma saying “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” 

This seems to keep us safe because thinking this way we are in harmony with the rest of humanity who wish miracles happen but are scared to believe in them. We default to our logical grown-up selves and kill it right there. 

Now, let’s move to the heart. In a moment when we are feeling good and trusting life, we ask for a miracle. We are grateful. We’re experiencing elevated emotions, and get excited. And then the head comes knocking and explains to the heart why we don’t deserve it or shouldn’t go after it or it can’t happen. And with that little prompt the heart gets into a place of hurt and closes. 

Now, with the brain and heart misaligned, the gut, also referred to as our second brain, receives a signal that something is off, and immediately its danger signs begin flashing. If the feeling is strong enough, it sends you to the cupboard for an antacid or an antianxiety tablet. Can you see why you drop the idea of a miracle like a red-hot potato? And how many times do you think you have talked yourself out of a miracle at the last minute and walked away just before it unfolded because of this? 

What If ...

Chances are that at some point in your life, no matter how small that event was, you have experienced a time when everything went right, and you walked out with a win. It was a miracle, but you forgot to catch it, recognize it, harness it, debrief it, celebrate it, and accept it for the miracle it was. Recognizing these moments is the first step in understanding your own power.

Stop and think about one of those moments. It’s very likely you were “all-in.” You were on a high vibration that was demonstrating head, heart, gut alignment. And when what you wanted came to fruition. But, because you were never taught that this was the stuff of miracles, you missed it. 

So, what might happen if, for once, you consciously invested in a miracle and followed its trail with an open heart, an open mind, and a settled gut? What different outcome might you have? Making this a daily practice could transform your entire perspective on what’s possible.

Think about buying a special gift for someone you love. You don’t put obstacles in front of that. Your head, heart, and gut all say “Yes!” You may have a momentary concern, but you have enough energy to push through that hesitation. When you see the joy on the face of the recipient, you feel good about yourself. You know you did something right. Remember that feeling, because that is what you are after when you co-create a miracle.

Why do I say co-create? Because the miracle couldn’t have been born without you taking responsibility for making the ask. You are responsible for wanting, asking, and receiving that miracle. But you are also asking the universe/life for something and then receiving. It’s a co-creation. You are also creating something new within your family system: Hope, possibilities and miracles!

Miracle Practice

So, the next time you want a miracle, don’t hold back – go all in. Give hope and miracles a chance. Take your foot off the brake and hit the accelerator hard. Every single thing in the world is in existence because someone was willing to make the request and receive. Now it’s your turn! But there are a few things to keep in mind.

  • Don’t discuss your dream and set yourself up for expectations and failure.
  • Don’t quit! The only time you fail is when you quit too early, and you usually quit too early because your head, heart, and gut are not aligned.
  • Don’t psych yourself out by listening to family programming.
  • Start noticing the many miracles around you. Life is a miracle, remember?
  • Consciously invest in creating and feeling positive emotions. High-level emotions create a field of energy that magnetizes good things.

When you create a goal and invest in it, nothing on this Earth is going to stop you from getting there. If you don’t believe me, think about the smaller things in life you want to receive. You want a frozen yogurt, and as soon as you decide that’s what you want, nothing will stop you from getting it. Right?

The more you ask for and believe/invest in your dreams with an open heart, the more you increase your determination and clarity, the more you enhance you Emotional DNA, which is the doorway to your miracles. Practice, practice, practice. Amazing things will happen when you do.

A Systemic Expert & Executive Coach, Judy Wilkins-Smith assists high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe apparent challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance by guiding them through and beyond hidden Emotional DNA patterns. Her books Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint and The Hidden Power in Your DNA are two exciting guides on your journey to purpose.

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Discovering My Purpose – How Do I Find One?

discovering my purpose

Discovering My Purpose - How Do I Find One?

From an early age we’re taught that every person on the planet has a purpose and that it’s our job to find our own. This belief in living a meaningful life is so ingrained, it’s almost a mystical or religious thing. The problem is, many of us don’t know what our true purpose is, leaving us searching for a sense of meaning. So, we spend half (or more) of our daily life running around trying to find it, meanwhile feeling inadequate because we haven’t. Eventually, this lack of purpose leads us to conclude that we just aren’t special enough to have a purpose—a thought pattern that, naturally enough, can set off depression, self-doubt, and apathy.

It's Not "Out There"

The good news is that your life’s purpose isn’t some mysterious duty hovering out in the quantum field somewhere that you can’t find. The process of finding purpose isn’t “out there” at all. It’s inside you, aligned with your core values and disguised as the thing (or things) that you really, really want and the things you really really love.

When I mention this to people seeking a clear purpose, they often say things like, “But I don’t know what I want in life.” Or, “All I know is what I don’t want in life.” (Both these statements, which often reflect a lack of sense of direction, are usually linked to our family system which tells us what we should and shouldn’t want. For example, mom says we should get a college education and not a blue-collar job. Or dad says we should want a great apartment in the city, not a cabin in the woods.)

But you don’t have to couch this question in huge terms like “What do you want in life?” What do you want now? What do you love now? As you take these practical steps forward, perhaps you’re a person who loves to cook and eat good Mexican food. This doesn’t sound like a true calling at first. But think about it. When people discover their innate abilities and love something, they’re passionate about it in a powerful way. They’re good at it and want to share what they love with others. Maybe you make the best empanadas anybody’s ever eaten. Word spreads and you start cooking extras for friends. Somebody tells you about an old food truck they know is for sale. Next thing you know you’re in business and living a happy life.

For decades, if not centuries, chicken was just chicken until people learned how to fry it. And then, in 1930, along came Colonel Harland Sanders who began cooking fried chicken for customers pulling in at his service station in Corbin, Kentucky. One of the greatest role models in economic success, his years of culinary dabbling later produced his famous “secret blend of 11 herbs and spices.” By the time he sold Kentucky Fried Chicken in 1964, he had franchised over 600 outlets.

Deeper & Deeper

If the whole idea of thinking about finding a life purpose makes your head hurt, start out slow.

Level One:

Ask yourself what you love. Maybe it’s fitness and rollerblading. Maybe it’s video games. Ask yourself:

1) Is there a way I can turn my passion into a business? Maybe start a fitness rollerblading class? Start modding games online for free, building up a portfolio that might get me a programming job someday?

2) Do I love ___x___ enough to focus on it for years? How much does it light me up?

3) Can I see a path where if I start doing this one thing that I love, other opportunities might follow?

Level Two:

As a first step in this powerful process, if you’re comfortable doing so, ask yourself: “If I were allowed to have my life exactly the way I want it, what would that look like?”

  • Describe your living situation and set of goals. Where do you live? What is the environment that makes you feel comfortable and brings true joy? What does your important work make you feel like? Does it involve other people? Is it creative? Is travel involved? How much money are you making?

  • Write down the thoughts and feelings that come up when you think about these new ways of living. Consider creating a vision board to help visualize these goals.

  • If limiting family patterns show up—if you start hearing voices in your head saying things like “Working with your hands is demeaning,” or “Starting your own business is too dangerous,” write those limiting thoughts down. Remember, these thoughts are keeping you in your comfort zone.

  • Realize these are old family limits that you’re here to go beyond in a positive way! This is your next step toward a purposeful life.

Level Three:

Now you’re ready to explore your meaning of life with greater clarity. (If you want!) Keeping everything I’ve just said in mind, does “Find your purpose” now seem a little less scary? Do you have a new view of what “purpose” is? Let’s explore these following questions to gain a stronger sense of purpose:

  1. What thoughts, feelings, and actions pop up for me when I ask the question, “What is my purpose?” Consider how you might create a positive impact in the world.

  2. Take these simple steps and write them all down.

  3. Are many of the things that show up related to family patterns? Who else in your family system shares similar meaningful goals? Is it limiting or liberating?

  4. Is there something deeper and more personal arising? Are you getting the sense of a particular cause calling to you? Like “I feel a desire to help animals heal.” Or “I feel something inside me aching to be voiced.” Is it a creative prompt? To write? To make music? To paint? A pull to politics and activism?

The Secret Sauce

When you are investing in things or moving in directions that make you happy, this will grow you. As a result of personal growth and expansion, you will be more enthusiastic, engaged, and generous to those around you. 

Your expression of purpose may not be Earth shattering or huge, but if it springs from your heart and gut—from that place deep inside—your authentic self will emerge in the process of doing. And taking responsibility for growing into the most expanded version of yourself possible is a gift of inspiration to all those around you. It is also an adventure you may never have seen coming, filled with so much more than you imagined. 

And if there’s a family or social or religious pattern in you showing up right now whispering something like, “Isn’t it selfish to just do things that make me happy?” The answer is “No. It isn’t selfish. It’s highly philanthropic.” Because the bigger and happier you get, the more your happiness, generosity and excitement flow to others. You’re inspiring them to go for their dreams. In this way, the smallest happy-making endeavor on your part—making healthy organic dog treats for your own and others’ pets—becomes a genuine calling or big purpose that changes not just your own life, but the lives of others. In other words, finding your own happiness serves the world. And that is a great and much-needed purpose if I ever heard of one!

If you talk to any well-renowned specialist in their field, people who have gone the extra distance and accomplished remarkable things, if you ask them how they got started and what their initial motivation was, invariably they will tell you they were excited about something. An idea, a personal desire, a question grabbed and intrigued them. And the pursuit of answers made them happy. And then … their pursuit got bigger and their curiosity and excitement magnetized and helped others. They started making a difference in the lives of others. But the first truth was they pursued something that helped them to grow and feel fulfilled. And the more they expanded their personal pursuit, the more the benefits accrued and radiated outwards.

Still Blocked?

If you’ve read this far and still feel panicked around the whole “purpose” conversation, it is time to explore what is stopping you from focusing on doing something you really want and enjoy. 

  • When I ask “What is your purpose?” notice your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Write them down.
  • Are you allowed to have a purpose? If not, who said you couldn’t? 
  • Ask yourself whose purpose you have been living up until now?
  • Who would you be if you set down their purpose and invested in your own?
  • Do you understand that finding your own purpose serves the world?

From the lowliest to the most elevated positions in life, every single person has a purpose and can change their circumstances, but only when they choose to do so. Purpose is the antidote to being stuck or entangled in limiting family patterns. It contains the wings you are looking for. 

Explore your purpose and you will find the magic sitting in your own hands. It was right there all along, just waiting for you to see it. 

A Systemic Expert & Executive Coach, Judy Wilkins-Smith assists high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe apparent challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance by guiding them through and beyond hidden Emotional DNA patterns. Her books Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint and The Hidden Power in Your DNA are two exciting guides on your journey to purpose.

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How to Manifest Your Dreams Into Reality – Taking Your Emotional DNA to the Next Level 

how to manifest your dreams into reality

How to Manifest Your Dreams Into Reality - Taking Your Emotional DNA to the Next Level 

The Transformative Power of the Goal Setting Mind

I want you to write down your deepest desires – the dream you most want to see happen in your life. The one that maybe people think is crazy, but ignites your positive energy every time you think about it. Whether it’s your dream career or something else entirely, it may be small or humongous, but that doesn’t matter. It is yours and it really gets you pumped up toward your life of your dreams.

Now, let’s examine the anatomy of that dream through the power of visualization. What do you tell yourself about it? Do your positive thoughts tell you that you can do it? Do you spend your time planning how to make it come true? Or do you sit around thinking how it’s a nice idea, but your limiting beliefs are holding you back? Or maybe you have thoughts like, ‘I don’t have enough money or time to make it happen.’ Or maybe there’s a voice in your head saying things like, ‘Dreaming is for fools.’

Now that you have identified the voices in your subconscious mind, ask yourself where those thoughts came from. Who taught you that dreaming gets you where you want to go? Who taught you dreaming isn’t a smart idea? Do you notice the strong, positive outcomes supporting you in life? And if you’ve inherited not-so-positive family patterns and emotional DNA, are you aware of the strongly discouraging patterns? And if you are aware, did you know that the dreamer of dreams and the doer of dreams are separated by only one thing? And that one thing is taking inspired action?

I promise that if you start dreaming and doing—even taking small steps in the direction of your dream—you are going to start being the hero in your life instead of the onlooker. Don’t you know, the people who achieve their full potential and accomplish way more than the average person, started out as an average person just like you. The only difference is they went past emotional DNA patterns and invested in themselves. So, what does that look like?

Dreams of Adventure

I recently spoke to an elderly couple whose positive mindset keeps them traveling. It makes them feel alive and rejuvenated when they’re seeing new places and people. But they aren’t rich and travel is expensive. Every year they depend on building up a certain number of mileage points with a particular airline to qualify for companion tickets so they can fly two for the price of one. Near the end of the year, they were some points short of being able to qualify for a roundtrip companion ticket to China, which is where their greatest desires were leading them next. But they didn’t let this stop them.

They decided to create a couple domestic mini-adventure trips to visit family and friends—people they could stay with at low cost—to secure those points. Through hard work and determination, they not only secured the travel points needed for the flight to China, they got to see loved ones in the process. And their positive attitude helped them score enough points to travel two-for-one the whole year!

Now, many people would have approached this situation with negative thoughts, thinking it was too much effort to figure out how to get what they wanted—a common killer of adventures. However, this couple maintained such clear intentions and focused on their real life oriental adventure that they did what was required to secure what they wanted. When they got the notification from the airlines, not only were they a little awed at their own determination and accomplishment, so were their friends. (Did you know that studies show that awe is a health-inducing emotion? It’s true! The more we create positive experiences, the more we open our hearts and the healthier we become.)

This is highest level human functioning in action. By dreaming and then doing, not only are we creating a healthy mental health foundation, we’re activating the power of our thoughts to beam the light of possibility outwards to others, opening the door to change and growth for them as well. Everybody wins!

Making a Dream a Reality

Every single thing that you see in the world started with an idea that became a reality because someone used the power of manifestation to take it all the way. There is a very exciting world waiting for you to wake up and discover the possibilities. So, here we go with the necessary steps:

  1.  Identify and choose your dream or goal. In other words, it isn’t enough to simply identify it, you have to actively choose it with clear vision. You have to say “Yes!” to it.
  2.  Remember, it has to be big enough to make you stretch. Dreams are about expanding your capabilities and experiences, not maintaining them.
  3.  Trash your negative emotions. Yes, I’ve heard them all: Your parents are narcissistic. The people around you are mean. Your boss will never let you off work. You don’t have the money. You don’t know what you want. What if your dream doesn’t come true? Etcetera. Write all the excuses down and then throw them in the garbage, saying “Bye bye! Thanks for showing up. But I’m not listening to you anymore!”
  4.  Write down your dream and put it somewhere that only you can see it as part of your manifestation journey. (If you start to share your dream before you’re well on your way to making it happen, you may find that you lose interest thanks to the negative input of others.)
  5.  Commit to your dream or goal. This is something you don’t give up on. (Yes, I know there are times where one should give up, but mostly, you should not.) Some dreams may take longer than others, and that’s okay. Just be aware that the more elevated emotions you put into your dream—emotions like excitement, enthusiasm, and love—the more you are going to be willing to focus on the ideas and manifestation techniques that will get you there.
  6.  Don’t judge the size of the steps you take. Some steps will be big, and some will be small. As the Disney character Anna says in the film Frozen II: “I just have to do the next good thing.”
  7.  Be positively obsessed with your dream. In other words, love it with all your head, heart, and gut.
  8.  Feed it constantly by thinking about it. Fire up your imagination and see your future self doing what you dream of doing, smiling about it. This is partly how you fund it.
  9.  Put money aside. When a bonus comes in, dedicate at least half to your dream. (This is the other way you fund it!)
  10.  Don’t forget you are creating a different reality—something larger than your current reality.
  11.  Acknowledge your success at every step. All too often we brush our successes aside and rush to the next step. We fail to acknowledge the hero that got us to that first step along the right path, namely ourselves.
  12.  Harvest the lessons and the strengths you’ve gained. In other words, when you fulfill a dream, take time to notice and absorb how that feels. Write down what you’ve learned. Acknowledge the new you. Then use that to fuel the next dream.

Pro Tips:

  1.  If you can be of service to others, you will often find they reciprocate with good things that help you get closer to your dream.
  2. Sometimes smaller steps will unexpectedly lead to larger results and visa-versa.
  3. Once you have achieved your first dream, be very aware of what you said, felt, and did that was helpful in achieving your dream. This is a higher version of you and your emotional DNA. With positive self-talk and practice, not only will you achieve your dreams, but you will elevate yourself as a real-life hero in your own dream life.
  4. DO NOT stop creating dreams to achieve. You were born to grow, not to slow.

With each dream, as odd as it seems, know this: You are waking up. Through the manifestation process, you are activating your frontal cortex, opening your heart, and activating your inner compass, which is your gut. You are teaching yourself to live in harmony on this planet as a much higher being. The power of positive thinking has elevated your emotional DNA—which is something incredible to pass on as a legacy!

And finally, I cannot tell you enough how capable you are. I literally cannot. But you have to begin telling yourself that through positive beliefs and then concretize the reality by following your action plan, creating the steps that will take you to your wildest dreams and beyond. The world needs doers right now. If not now, then when?

It doesn’t matter if you’re one of our bright young people or if you’re approaching old age, your contribution—whatever it might be—matters. Everything you do makes a difference one way (improving conditions) or another (not improving conditions). Which do you choose? Remember, you are far more influential than you suspect. The magic happens when you become aware of that, and you engage with and commit to making a difference consciously.

For almost two decades, Judy has been assisting high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, organizational teams and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe apparent challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance.

The Founder of System Dynamics for Individuals and Organizations, Judy is passionate about visionary leadership and inspiring positive, accelerated individual and global change. For more information click here. 


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Changing Family Patterns: Being a change agent. If not you, then who?

changing family patterns

Changing Family Patterns: Being a change agent. If not you, then who?

In recent years, the definition of family has undergone some of the most significant changes in history. As we navigate this post-modern world, family life continues to evolve, presenting both challenges and opportunities for transformation. If you’re facing inherited patterns that limit your potential, you might wonder: who will be the catalyst for change in your family structure changes?

Family systems create patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions. In other words, emotional DNA. While some inherit patterns that lead to financial security and success, others struggle with cycles that have caused previous generations to suffer and fail. 

If you’re in the latter situation and feel stuck, thinking “Why me?” wondering who might rescue you, the simple (but often not easily accepted) answer is you. It is you who are actually there to get your family members unstuck from these patterns.

I know that sounds a little overwhelming, but a major change has to start somewhere. And if you’re facing a situation like this—whether the family pattern you’re wrestling with is money issues or intimate relationships or addiction issues or health issues, whatever—if you’re dreaming of a different life beyond these social pressures, then it’s you who are up to bat.

If not you, then who? Who will be the change agent? Are you going to go for it? Or leave it to your children to inherit and deal with an unhappy marriage or other challenges? And why shouldn’t you be the one to reap the rewards?

Making a difference

This is not about sacrifice and burden. Moving in the direction of your dreams and desires is what I’m talking about here – these recent changes that hold such high value for your future. And surely that’s enticing? The bonus is, once you start growing, the evolution of your entire family system is automatic. Any expansion on your part changes your emotional DNA—the thoughts, feelings, emotions and impulses that guide and sustain you, as well as the emotional DNA of those who came before you and those who will come after you in our modern society. In other words, when you change, others in your system change.

Here’s an example. I had a client who was alienated from her twin sister who was a highly successful CEO- a testament to the evolving role of women and educational attainment in our time. Both women today had achieved higher income levels, yet they had been fiercely competitive and pitted against each other by their parents all their lives. Even though their parents were long since deceased, the competition and animosity between them continued to keep them apart. But when my client finally saw the pattern and realized it was neither her fault nor her sister’s, before she could contact her sister to try to start building a new relationship, her sister reached out to her.

“It was the strangest thing,” she said. “I’d just had that breakthrough with you and determined to reach out to Gail over the following weekend. And 24 hours later she made one of those life-changing phone calls, crying, saying she had suddenly realized how stupid and awful our arguments were and not either one of our faults. She said she loved me and wanted to be closer. It was just what I’d been going to say to her!”

Quantum realities

This sounds really incredible and inexplicable until we begin to understand what modern science has been telling us about the nature of our world and how connected everything and everyone is. Over a time period spanning the twentieth century, Albert Einstein came along and taught that matter is actually energy. (E = mc2) Then quantum physicists, taking a closer look at our universe, studying “particles” that are really non-physical energy packets, discovered something called quantum entanglement. For example, experiments have proven that when two electrons come in contact with each other, their spin states become linked. In other words, for the rest of time, no matter how far apart these two electrons travel (even lightyears apart!), the actions of one electron instantaneously affect the other.

Labeled “spooky action at a distance,” by Einstein, entanglement is one explanation for how social groups change—and the people in them—when one member of the system makes a shift. We’ve seen a dramatic increase in understanding how social attitudes shift through this same principle. It may be subtle and not readily noticeable on the outside, but it does happen. Another possibility is the scientific theory that the universe is actually a gigantic hologram. 

One of the strangest characteristics of a hologram is that one pixel taken from a holographic image contains the entire image. Which is scientific evidence that the ancient mystical teaching that “the many is contained in the One” is true. Which means, it’s totally possible that in any given system, including a family system, all the information held by one member of the system is automatically available to other family members. And when one person changes, so does everything and everybody else in the system hologram.

Which is why it’s really sad that fewer people step up, sitting around, waiting for someone else in the family to be the change agent and show the way. If we don’t step up, not only do we miss out on a great adventure; not only do we miss out on living the life we’ve always dreamed of, unhindered by old social attitudes and limiting patterns. We miss out on helping others.

Sensing the fire within

Bottomline, we were not put on this Earth to suffer and play small. We were put here to seize the moment and make a difference–whether that’s advancing the position of women or pursuing romantic love. And it all begins with sensing the fire within that is our unique self and part of our unique nervous system. So, what do I mean by that? 

Think about a time when you really wanted to do something, like young adults seeking new homes and independence. When you were on the verge of taking a big, important step. You could feel the thrill and excitement couldn’t you? You could imagine the outcome and it filled your whole body with joy and anticipation. You might have had tears or goosebumps—always great indicators that you’re on the right track for you. But then what happened? 

Did old family patterns kick in? Did inner voices of doubt suddenly get very loud? Did they squash the creativity right out of you? To be the change agent you must move beyond all the excuses and really good reasons to stay where you are. It begins with sensing and following the fire within. So, how do you do that?

Step 1

If you don’t already know what your passion is, there are many ways to stir up inspiration – whether it’s pursuing a bachelor’s degree or challenging gender roles. Watch an inspiring movie, listen to a motivational speaker, dance to a stirring song. Find anything that makes you go, “Wow!” and groove with it. Imagine it’s you up on that stage, singing that song. Or you being the hero in that movie, saving the day. Imagination and inspiration are closer than you know. Both stimulate the higher emotions that open the door for change.

Step 2

Zero in on what gets you excited. It may be an injustice that you want to right. A difference you want to make. A joy you want to experience. An accomplishment you want to achieve. You will know it because it will inspire and excite you like nothing else. And then, instead of wishing, make it so. How?

Step 3

There’s a line from the recent Disney film Frozen 2 that’s applicable here, and I’m going to paraphrase it. The main character, Anna, finds herself all alone, abandoned and very frightened. Like many young women seeking their path, she reminds herself of something that her father taught her. And that is: All you need to do is the next right thing. That simple reminder puts her back in touch with who she is and what is possible and keeps her moving forward. She finds the fire within and moves in that direction.

So, once you’ve found your fire and passion, whether it’s pursuing a college education or another dream, the most important thing is to simply do the next right thing that will bring you closer to that goal. And it doesn’t matter how big or small that step is. You may not have the clearest goal right now, but that’s okay. Because all you really need to know is what is the next right thing that needs to happen to take you closer to your goal.

 Step 4

Once you find your fire and passion, you’ll have a greater likelihood of success if you commit to it with no excuses, but rather a sense of purpose, excitement, determination, and a clarity that says whatever it is you’ve chosen, it will happen. And if you waver, ask yourself “If not me, who? If not now, when?”

No more waiting

We are all yearning for a better world. If you turn around and look in the mirror, you will see the person standing in the wings, ready to help make this happen. And, if you think this couldn’t possibly be you, please look around. Notice everything around you. All the things you use in your home. 

Evey single one of those things began as a thought in somebody’s mind. They didn’t just wait for someone else to invent what they were thinking of, they did it themselves. This is how individual, family systems, community systems, and global systems grow. 

It doesn’t matter if you’re one of our bright young people or if you’re approaching old age, your contribution—whatever it might be—matters. Everything you do makes a difference one way (improving conditions) or another (not improving conditions). Which do you choose? Remember, you are far more influential than you suspect. The magic happens when you become aware of that, and you engage with and commit to making a difference consciously.

For almost two decades, Judy has been assisting high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, organizational teams and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe apparent challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance.

The Founder of System Dynamics for Individuals and Organizations, Judy is passionate about visionary leadership and inspiring positive, accelerated individual and global change. For more information click here. 

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Change Can Be Scary – With Great Change Comes Great Opportunity

Change Can Be Scary - With Great Change Comes Great Opportunity

Change can be scary for most of us. Stepping outside your comfort zone, especially during major life changes, can be downright terrifying. It tends to unlock heightened emotions as we rush to protect what we feel is familiar and right. In other words, we protect the ways in which we are accustomed to belonging. At the other end of the spectrum, we also know, or at least suspect, that being the kind of person who can embrace change provides us with great opportunities to shift, grow, and prosper. But, first, we must get out of the way of our deeply embedded, and not always helpful, beliefs and mindsets. In other words, what we perceive as right or wrong, good or bad, possible or not possible.

Change Perspective

If we stay stuck in those mindsets there is little forward momentum. But if we are willing to look at our current situation from a different angle, we find new ways to flourish in a changing world. For example, during the pandemic, when everybody was locked down, a lot of people lost their new job and a lot of opportunities went away. But for some people, even small change turned out to be a good thing. I remember hearing about one woman who didn’t have a job, whose husband got laid off. Despite her intense fear of change, she started baking because it was one of the things that she did whenever she was stressed. That morning, she baked a dozen cupcakes and frosted them beautifully. And just as she finished, one of her friends stopped by and said, “Oh, my goodness, I forgot. I need a dozen cakes, or at least cupcakes, for a bake sale. Would you mind selling me those?”

And at that moment the lightbulb switched on. These unexpected turns of fate led to a new beginning. The woman sold that first batch and made more cupcakes and sold those. She baked and baked until she had to get a commercial kitchen to handle all the orders. Finally, she decided, “What the heck,” and opened a cupcake shop. Post-pandemic, she and her husband were thriving.

Powerful Adaptation

We call this agility—a well sought-after quality a lot of companies look for in their employees. Basically, those who can adapt and change can grow. And in case you hadn’t noticed, change is the name of the game at the moment. Global shifts are happening, including wars, political divides, and environmental changes—giant pattern makers are affecting every single one of us. How you react to what is happening will decide your immediate future, affect the futures of others around you, and affect the lives of your descendants.  

For example, if we look at political situation, you may choose to dig in your heels, distance yourself from those who think differently, blame, shame, and name whatever doesn’t fit with your world view. And this may well be a viewpoint that didn’t even originate with you, but rather with some family member in your ancestral lineup. And you may pass this restrictive view on to your children. The choice lies in you. Are you going to stay running on rinse and repeat and saddle your kids with this limitation? Or will you be the difference you are looking for? 

Instead of distancing yourself from others you don’t agree with, can you find ways to connect? Can you bring people together instead of being part of the dynamic that pushes people apart? It’s very easy to be reactive. But it pays much higher dividends when we are creative! Every good businessperson understands one thing very well: Life and business are all about relationships. Relationships are far more valuable than opinions. They understand the importance of finding commonalities that will build a good stakeholder network, no matter what is happening. They literally cannot afford to find themselves stuck in one camp or another. Instead, they learn how pivot as the climate demands. 

Change Tips

When differences and challenges land in your lap, take a breath, stand back and look at your current situation around you. In times of change, assess the situation as objectively as possible. The only way forward is to ask yourself: Can you see a way forward? Are things really as bad as you first imagine? Back in the 1960s, the famous pop-group, The Beatles, were considered degenerate and morally corrupt until enough people enjoyed their music and they became legends. It’s helpful to ask ourselves what we are protecting and why. Is what we’re protecting still relevant now? Or is it asking to change?

  • Ask yourself “How does this matter to me? Is the situation triggering a family pattern?  Is this situation something I can do something creative with?” 

Historically, we tend to resist change and label it ‘bad.’ It can take decades or centuries depending on the force of resistance in response to a powerful agent of change. Sometimes change can even can feel wrong or evil. At these times, it’s really important to ask ourselves what about the change provokes such a strong reaction for us. 

Curiosity is a great antidote to dogma—it is how we grow the world. It is what allowed the flat Earth to become the round Earth. It is how we have electricity and technology. Progress happens when we get curious and start exploring instead of fighting, even in unfavorable circumstances.

  • Engage instead of argue. Try to find solutions that work for everyone.

  • Literally ask the other person, “How can I understand you? How do we approach our differences in a way that leaves us both in a good place? What is the opportunity here for both of us?”

There is always an opportunity if you are willing to look. Under new conditions, what might seem challenging at first can open new doors. Dogmatic points of view, when explored systemically and explored together, tend to be portals to possibility. When we unwind one pattern, we have the opportunity to create another, leading to what could be the most beautiful blessing.

Change, by its nature, is unsettling, and so is opportunity. For example, the rapid advancements in artificial intelligence in recent years have sparked widespread anxiety about job displacement and ethical dilemmas. Just like what happened during the Industrial Revolution, the AI revolution is triggering fears that this will bring about humanity’s downfall. Yet this technology also offers unprecedented opportunities for innovation, art and beauty, connectivity, and problem-solving—potentially creating a new future for all of us.

Once again, humanity will have to navigate how to enjoy great opportunity without destroying ourselves. Perhaps if we pause for a minute and think it through, this will pay us dividends. Rather than destruction we may be able to break this pattern and introduce balance, allowing ourselves to create rather than react. Bottomline, change is the lifeblood of the Universe. Without it we cannot grow.

Emotional DNA
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Respecting Other People’s Opinions – America’s Path Forward

respecting other people's opinions

Respecting Other People's Opinions - America's Path Forward

In the wake of the 2024 election, US citizens find themselves navigating an all-too-familiar landscape of polarized different beliefs and ideologies, triggering upset, blame, resentment, and fear. Partisanship and deep-rooted divisions have only grown over recent years, and many Americans long for pathways to unity and progress.

Moving forward, America has an opportunity to redefine itself. But moving forward requires a new approach that doesn’t just try to mend divides at the surface level. It requires an approach that addresses the deep, often unseen dynamics driving our political and cultural rifts.

How do we get into the creative space of making a difference in a way that bodes well for all mankind? How can we keep an open mind and respect different people and their differing opinion in an effective way? How can we start looking for the common good and the common ground?

Life is going to be a whole lot easier for all of us when we all start doing this. But in the meantime, we’ve got to do the work of coming together. The following are some thoughts about how to do that.

I Win, You Lose

It happens every four years here in the United States: “Ha ha! I win! You lose!” It’s time to stop playing this game because as long as we have, “I win. You lose,” somebody is going to be happy and excited, somebody else is going to be afraid and angry. Multiply that by hundreds of millions of “somebodies” and we have the situation we have today with a woefully divided nation.

The solution, of course, is for 1) those who “win” to stop gloating, and 2) those who lose to cease playing victim, and 3) for both sides to come together and ask the question, “How do we all win?” What policies can be enacted to create more unity? What can we do to take care of each other?

Of course, to do this and start shaping our lives in a much more responsible way, we have to make some perceptual shifts. And one of the most important shifts we can make is to realize how deeply programmed we all are to want to belong. Belong to a family. Belong to a community. Belong to a group of people. Belong to a party. Belong to a common belief system, an ideal, a nation. It’s all the same thing.

Stop Taking Sides

If we want to belong to one of the greatest countries on earth, let’s also all be Americans. Democracy demands debate, not fights.

The trick is to stop narrowing our view about where we belong. At the most fundamental and yet universal level, we all belong to the same species called Homo sapiens, living on the same planet called Earth. In this system, everybody has a right to belong. 

This is one of the foundational principles of Systemic Work and Constellations. Every single person in the system called “humanity” belongs. And that includes the good, the bad, the indifferent, the educated, the uneducated, the rich, the poor, the up, down, and sideways. Everyone counts because everyone brings information into the human system, information that is needed for everyone in the system, and the system itself, to thrive and evolve.

Our humanity is our common ground. From there, if we each take a breath and we take a moment and we start with simple, easy things like kindness to others, thoughtfulness, and consideration, we’re actually going to find that the seismic earthquakes caused by taking sides against one another start to subside. Choosing to shape your life in a really good, human and humane way, you start the ball rolling on the positive changes we need to see happening in our country right now.

Consider Your Reactions

There’s a world of difference between being creative and being reactive. When we’re in creation mode, we’re excited and positive and affecting others in a positive way. We’re open to suggestions, collaboration, and other ideas, including others’ opinions. When we’re in reaction, yelling, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling,” we’re in fight or flight mode. And then we pick a side to fight against and out goes belonging.

The brain secretes adrenalin and noradrenalin. Non-essential body systems like digestion slow to a crawl. Heart rate increases, and before you know it, you’re sweating in full-on panic, unable to think clearly, unable to easily accept suggestions, and unable to collaborate. And the sky isn’t actually even falling! Being reactive doesn’t serve anyone in the long run.

But how are we going to move from being reactive to being creative instead? Well, here are some thoughts:

  • When you hear something or see something that’s not to your liking, breathe!
  • Take the time to take stock of the situation before you get all revved up.
  • Consider your words before they come out of your mouth. Is what you’re about to say really true? Is it coming from your heart? Or is it against something or someone?
  • Instead of letting your words come out from a boiling pit, consider how you want things to land.
  • Consider the other person’s opinions. How will your words affect them and shape their sense of belonging?
  • How do you want your life to look? How do you want to shape it? How do you want to belong to the human system? What is your contribution? If we want to change the world today, it starts with changing our attitudes toward each other right here, right now.

A final powerful thought here has to do with assumptions. Assumptions start wars. Don’t just assume positive intent—check your assumptions. Every single one of them. With clarity comes insight. With insight comes peace. With peace comes freedom.

People often tell me doing this is really hard work. Well, it’s just as hard to keep being upset, miserable, and angry as it is to start putting the work into a life that you really want. Seriously. Decide on the life you want to live, and every time something prompts you to fight and go against someone or something, ask yourself: “Does that get me closer to the life I want to live and the life I want for my children? Or further away?”

Make Positive, Life-Shaping Choices

If you decide and choose that you’re going to go for a positive, life-affirming existence, that’s amazing. You’re going to make a difference. You’re going to be kind. You’re going to be happy. And when you’re happy and it’s fun and you’re really excited, you find that life suddenly becomes a whole lot nicer. 

Some of your friends and family, with different backgrounds and professional experiences, are going to want to know what the heck you’re doing and maybe even join you. Before you know it, your life and the lives of others have changed for the better. Now you’re making that global difference.

Connection, Communication, and Respect

Are you communicating with yourself and others in a respectful way? In a way that lands and encourages? Or in a way that divides and tears down?

The first step is really important. If you are angry or unkind to yourself, chances are that will spill over into your interactions with others. I have executives who think that effective communication is, “Hey, stupid, get it together or you’re fired,” which generally doesn’t get a really good response. So, consider how you communicate with others. When somebody is confused or lost, ask, “Can I help you? Can I show you?”

When a new situation arises, instead of trying to control, try being invitational. Try inviting in new ideas and thoughtful conversations. And always consider your words by asking yourself, “How do I get this to land in a way that people can hear it and feel what I’m saying?”

How do we all go for the win? The answer—even in tense, contentious situations—is communication with respect. Meaning I understand that the other person or persons I’m talking with have a part in my world. They belong and have equal weight and importance as me. When we understand that, we’re able to talk to each other, and not only find common ground, but ideas and answers that are outside the realm of opposing views.

Without respect, nothing positive happens. You don’t grow, your family and community don’t grow, our nation doesn’t grow, and the world doesn’t grow.

And by respect I don’t mean having to be in agreement. Respect means I understand the other person has a different point of view and different perspectives. And I give that different point of view a place to land and be. And when I can give it a place, it means I’ve given a little and the other has done the same. We’ve both given a little, which makes both parties feel good, included, seen, and in some way honored and validated.

If we are looking to be a nation that can show the rest of the world a way to thrive, then no matter how tense the situation, it begins with respect. That’s what we’re looking for. That’s the fertile ground we need to stand on to be able to move forward into a better world. 

At the end of a tough year facing the uncertainty of the next four years, we all have the opportunity to make a difference—kindly, happily, and with understanding. The next greatest era in American history begins with you.

Emotional DNA
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How to Break Generational Cycles Through Language

How to Break Generational Cycles Through Language

Sometimes it’s hard not to think that life is “doing it to us,” and that some people are lucky and others are not. As a generational cycle breaker, understanding the effects of generational trauma is the first place to start. When family members continually struggle with certain issues like lack of education, dysfunctional ways of relating, addiction, failure in careers, or an inability to create financial success, they’re often caught in vicious cycles that seem impossible to break.
 
What’s actually going on is more complex than a simple curse – it’s intergenerational trauma manifesting through family patterns that affect the nervous system in profound ways. These negative cycles often stem from childhood trauma that wasn’t properly addressed in previous generations, creating a lasting impact that reverberates through time.
 
Sometimes the repeating pattern in your family of origin is based upon an initial traumatic experiences that occurred in the family. It is then passed down to the rest of the family, complete with the accompanying emotional disturbances. Working with a trauma-informed therapist or attending support groups can be part of the process of understanding these generational patterns.
 
For example, I had a gentleman client come to me who fearfully reported he was sure he was going to lose a leg before he was 55 and become an amputee. This would seem to be a wildly unlikely possibility—a case of an irrational phobia showing up out of nowhere. But diving into his family history through family therapy, I learned that every oldest male in his family system for seven generations had lost their right leg one way or another.
 
It had started with a great-great-something-grandfather losing his leg while on a whaling ship in the Pacific Ocean. His son lost a leg in a logging accident somewhere up in the Pacific Northwest. Then his son lost his right leg after getting shot in a hunting accident and the wound turned gangrenous. Yet another ancestor lost a leg in World War I. The stories went on and on. Cursed, right? 
 
No! Truth is, once my client understood that he was dealing with an inheritance of Emotional DNA—in this case a hardened belief in the family “curse”—once he was able to obtain a broader view of his family’s system dynamics which led to insights and shifts that enabled him to change his thinking that losing a leg was inevitable, he shifted what had seemed like a curse. Once he grasped that the pattern showing up was not fated and didn’t belong to him unless he held onto it and made it so, he was able to change his thinking and rewire his brain and body. And he is still walking around on two legs to this day.

Self-Talk and Limiting Conversations

No matter what pattern you’ve inherited from your own parents, you can take that inheritance and work with it in a way that enhances your life and the lives of those around you. Through trauma-informed care, many family members are discovering new patterns and new things they never thought possible. In other words, everything boils down to the act and art of shaping your life the way you want it.
 
Life is a series of choices. And one of the most obvious ways we do or don’t shape our lives is how we choose our inner self-talk and our outer conversations. Except, of course, that our internal and external-talk often isn’t just ours either! Many times, that inner conversation about how stupid we are, how unattractive we are, or what a failure we are started a long time ago with an event that created those thoughts and language in an ancestor long gone—thoughts and language that still govern us today.
 
 Great-grandfather said, “Money is the root of all evil,” and to this day the whole family struggles with and fears money and doesn’t understand why. Or perhaps there was an early event in your life that started those kinds of thoughts rolling. It really doesn’t matter. The question is, “Do I want to continue to buy into my limiting thoughts and identities and pass them down to future generations? Or do I want to be the change agent in my family and learn the art of shaping my own life?”

Systemic Language

Words mold our reality on an individual, community, and also global level, creating war and peace, castes and creeds, hope and despair, joy and sorrow. As a generational cycle-breaker, you have the power to transform these inherited patterns. An entire system of thought and action can be dismantled in one short sentence. “The war is over.” Or “Your disease is gone.” Or “You have the right to vote.” One word, “Guilty,” can end a life. 
 
Examine how unhappy, unsuccessful people talk, and you hear excuses and words and sentences of doom over and over again. “I knew I couldn’t do it. Everything I touch turns to ___. There’s just no winning. It isn’t my fault. Etcetera.” Like my client, who believed he was cursed, we curse ourselves. Instead of lighting a fire of inspiration that sets us free, we constantly feed the flames that make ourselves feel all sorts of negative emotions. And sentences of doom aren’t just the typical self-derogatory examples like those just listed. Any systemic sentence that drags you down and keeps you stuck is a sentence of doom because it dooms you to more of the same. 
 
“Patience is a virtue” until it isn’t. “No pain, no gain” might get you through that business startup and those seemingly endless 18-hour days. But once the business is up and running and successful, if you keep running the same line, all you’re going to get is an apparently successful life accompanied by continued suffering. The good news is that words and sentences of doom can also serve as our liberators because they contain the seeds for identifying and stopping limiting patterns in their tracks once we see them and acknowledge them.
 
I had a highly successful female client who loved that “no pain no gain” quote from Jane Fonda the “workout queen” of the 1970s, and used it all the time. She came to me wondering why, despite all her money and accomplishments, she never seemed to be able to relax and enjoy life. As it turned out, there were other self-punishing patterns she’d picked up from her family. But it was the moment when she caught herself unconsciously using that phrase in defense of her work ethic that she “got it.”  
 
“No pain no gain” was like a torch shining a light on the foundation of her whole life. She used that key inner and outer phrase as a touchstone and way to examine her whole life and see where she was imprisoning herself and then set herself free.

Exercise

Until we see and face a limiting systemic sentence straight on, it becomes a sentence of doom and a not-so-silent saboteur. Seeing it and acknowledging its existence is unbelievably powerful, because it is a declaration of what is. It identifies the truth of what’s going on and calls it by name, allowing investigation into how it has been created, how it is running your life, and how it can be disentangled and transformed. 
 
If you are serious about shaping your own life, take the time to sit down and examine your life. Write down where you’re stuck, sad, and/or hurting. Also identify what you would like to have and experience in your life that you don’t have. This is a process of discovering “what is.”
  • In light of these insights, examine your thoughts and how you speak

  • Are there systemic “sentences of doom” running in your brain? Ideas, words, fears you can identify that might be triggering and/or supporting your stuckness and problem?

Once you’ve identified your limiting language, it’s then time to discover “what’s possible.” In order to turn this pattern you’ve established around, you want to create language that is stronger than the limiting language you’ve been using. This is called developing the language of resolution, or creating sentences of resolution. For example, my Jane Fonda fan client above helped resolved her “No pain, no gain” addiction by adopting the sentence “No pain, no strain.”

  • Write down your words or “sentences of doom.”
  • What words or sentences come to mind as powerful antidotes?

​For example, if you have a firm belief “I’ll never get ahead,” or “The cards are stacked against me,” sentences of resolution for you might be something like: “I know how to make this happen! And if not, I can figure it out!” And “The cards are stacked in my favor.” 

  • Write down your sentences of resolution.
  • Put them where you can see them.
  • Practice saying them at every opportunity until they become your new language habit.

Welcome to the art of shaping your life through language!

Emotional DNA
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How to Change Your Thinking Patterns and Create Happiness

how to change your thinking patterns

How to Change Your Thinking Patterns and Create Happiness

What will you be giving thanks for next year?

Bert Hellinger, the founder of Systemic Work & Constellations, once said, “It takes courage to live a happy life.” And the guy truly wasn’t kidding. What he didn’t say, however, is that developing that courage is worth it! But how do we start to change our thinking patterns to create a more fulfilling life?

The First Step to Change

Courageous people tend to lead happy and fulfilling lives. They also tend to treat life like an adventure … sometimes even like a business adventure! In the process, like all good business strategists, they often sit down and dream about how they would like things to be in a year’s time—or maybe two or three years down the road. 

Taking the first step toward changing thinking patterns, such as replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations, can be transformative

Have you ever done this? Spent quality time sincerely contemplating what it is you desire to create and have in your future? If you haven’t, I cannot stress enough how important this is. 

This is not just wishful thinking. It’s about identifying and cognitively restructuring your thought process, which can shift negative feelings into a positive mindset, helping you create new thought patterns. 

With each positive statement you make, you build what you want, thought by careful thought, positive thought by positive thought, action by action.

Happy Holidays

The holidays are a particularly fertile and festive time of year to engage in practices that cultivate a positive outlook. At about this time each year, I always take time out to envision what I will be thankful for this time next year. 

By imagining a desired future and engaging with it emotionally, I’m not just thinking—I’m rewiring my brain to break out of common cognitive distortions and replace negative thinking patterns with positive ways of thinking. 

In so doing, I am not just imagining what I want. I am forward creating a future I really desire, drawing on a rich harvest of tools from systemic work, constellations, neuroscience, epigenetics, and the vast potential of human experience. 

The fun thing is, when I build “future nows” in my mind in 3D, I get more excited about my life. I am more engaged and committed to the journey. After all, imagining and going after something I really want feels a whole lot less like work and more like play. And it’s even more satisfying knowing that by doing this process—imagining my future while feeling the emotions I will feel in the future when this dream comes to fruition.

I am literally rewiring my brain for success, making the desired outcome all the more certain. As I pointed out in my last blog, when we visualize a desired future and engage with it emotionally, our brain starts to treat the dream as if it’s already happening. And then, no surprise, it happens!

Rewiring the brain

This ability to rewire our thinking patterns and behaviors allows us to cultivate resilience and positivity, both of which help us bring what we want into focus and into being.

Another thing that helps shift habits and old brain patterns is gratitude. By this time next year, you want to be grateful for the mental, emotional, and physical shifts you’ve made and the results those shifts have generated. 

Habits of gratitude, mindfulness, and positive thinking integrated into daily life yield mega results. But you have to embrace those new habits with genuine enthusiasm which can juice you up and get you over the finish line. 

Regular practices like meditation, journaling, visioning—whatever exercises you decide to do will then reshape your brain, making gratitude a natural response rather than a forced exercise.

Daily Gratitude

I remember the days when I used to internally grumble about “having to be grateful” as an effective practice to getting what I want. Now I am more inclined to feel ripped off if I haven’t had that daily dose of gratitude.

Developing a daily gratitude practice for what I have received and what I will receive in the future has truly changed my life. It has fostered a deep appreciation for the small joys of daily life, and it has made life easier when the going gets tough.

Like so many other people around the world, in the last three years my family and I have experienced some category 5 hurricane level life traumas. Through it all, we remembered the importance of gratitude. 

And yes, some days it was gratitude for simple things—like having a strong cup of coffee to help get going in the morning. Or having an operational cell phone to keep in touch with family members when it was all hitting the fan.

Another thing that helped get us through is what I and my family now call the “Puppies and Kittens Practice.” 

This particular exercise came from my daughter one day when we’d just experienced some setbacks. We were sitting at the kitchen table, facing some tough decisions, when she suddenly said: “Mom, can we just talk puppies and kittens for a while?” In other words, could we just talk about the light stuff—the fun stuff—for a while.

I mean, who doesn’t enjoy watching cat or dog videos on YouTube? “Puppies and kittens” is now a thing in our home when the going gets rough. And then there is a moment of gratitude just for experiencing the brief relief. This is how we give our brains a break and how we train ourselves to be resilient in even the worst situations.

Mindfulness

Epigenetics teaches us that the events we experience, both positive and negative events, and our reactions to them can influence gene expression. This means that the choices we make today can impact not only our health but also the wellbeing of future generations. 

But it takes mindfulness techniques and presence in the moment to remember to pay attention to our emotions and thoughts during stressful times. Negative self-talk or unhelpful thoughts can sometimes arise, and it takes consistent effort to maintain a positive mindset instead of falling into common cognitive distortions.

I remember being overwhelmed by what was coming at me. At one point, I very much wanted to scream and run away from it all. And then, thankfully, I remembered, “Wait a minute! This is a life-shaping event. Pay attention!” 

I stopped in the hallway and said to myself: “Judy! Remember, your thoughts, feelings, decisions, and actions right now are shaping your future and your family’s future.”

Instead of staying in that panicked, reactive state, I took a few deep breaths and then mindfully chose how I wanted to feel, think, and act in that specific situation. This choice to replace negative emotions with rational thoughts and positive ways of thinking helped me actively shift my emotions and thoughts. 

And you know what? I got through it. Better than that, I got through it surprisingly easily.

Ever since then, I often remind myself of this mindfulness practice. Yes, I realize this takes time and discipline, but do you want to reactively sit in the same place, facing the same issues again this time next year? I sure don’t! 

And guess what? Remembering to practice mindfulness and shifting your thoughts and emotions in the moment is yet another thing to be grateful for! You can be grateful you remembered, grateful you used a powerful tool, and grateful you followed through and made the needed shifts.

See how this all works together? 

By prioritizing mindful thinking, feeling, and emotional well-being, you will have contributed to a healthier genetic expression. Instead of activating fear hormones that can harm mental health, you will be activating joy and fulfillment hormones, which are health generators. 

And then you get to appreciate and be thankful for the vibrant energy and resilience you’ve cultivated, which not only benefits you but also positively influences those around you, such as family members and friends you care for and love.

Embracing Human Potential

Human potential is vast, and recognizing your own potential can be transformative. It’s not about having everything now but about taking the first step to overcome negative self-talk and open up to positive ways of thinking. By shifting your thought process and creating new thought patterns, you begin to move past negative thinking patterns that limit you and instead embrace positive changes in all areas that matter to you.

Next year, I’ll celebrate the progress I’ve made in pursuing my passions and dreams. Through setting intentions, using positive affirmations, and practicing mindfulness techniques, I’ll discover new skills and interests. 

The confidence gained from leaving my comfort zone and challenging common cognitive distortions will be a source of immense gratitude. I’ll look back on a year where negative emotions and unhelpful thoughts were transformed into positive contributions to my life, enabling me to explore uncharted territories of my potential.

By this time next year, I will be thankful for the positive influences in my relationships, the positive mindset shifts, and the good things I’ve cultivated through consistent effort in my daily life. 

Each of these positive experiences will be reminders of the power of intention, the benefits of positive self-talk, and the beauty of living with courage and purpose.

These goals are what I’m dreaming of and striving toward this year. How about you?

We are either our own prison keepers or our own liberators. Let me take you on a journey into courage and truth-telling at my special Disney World event: From Fear to Freedom, November 1-4. It will be an adventure! For more information please check  click here.

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How to Change the Past: Creating Future Memories

How to Change the Past

How to Change the Past: Creating Future Memories

Be Thankful for What You Are About to Receive

“Future memories” may seem like a paradox, but they refer to something profoundly powerful: the act of creating a vision of the future that is so vivid, we experience it as though it were happening right now. This is not merely daydreaming, it’s a purposeful and fruitful practice grounded in systemic work, family constellations, neuroscience, and epigenetics.

How to Change the Past

As you know, many of our present challenges often stem from unresolved issues within our family system, passed down through generations—what I call inherited Emotional DNA patterns. However, just as these inherited influences shape us, we can consciously reshape them. Epigenetics show us that our genes are not our fate but can indeed be molded to become a great destiny. By acknowledging and resolving inherited influences, we create space for new possibilities in our lives. Addressing Emotional DNA patterns not only releases us from the past—it opens us up by freeing us to imagine a future unburdened by past limitations.

Once we acknowledge old patterns and know what we want to experience instead, we can then apply the knowledge gained from neuroscience to create a whole new reality for ourselves. Because the human brain doesn’t distinguish between real events and vividly imagined ones (both can leave a strong imprint on our neural pathways, as well as influence our inherited epigenetic patterns), by passionately imagining a new future in the present moment, we break free from old patterns and create space for new potentials.

By rehearsing the experiences and things we want to have in our future, we rewire our brains, change old limiting patterns, and bring what we desire into reality. This kind of future visualization is, of course, a common practice amongst successful athletes and performers. When not physically practicing, they mentally go over their every move, seeing themselves experiencing what they wish to bring into reality—setting that world record or performing that concerto note perfect for their audience. Not only do they imagine these things, they get deeply emotionally involved with the fantasy. They feel the exhilaration of the win. They feel the pride surging through their chests as the audience rises to its feet in a standing ovation for their performance.

Because the brain is incredibly plastic with the ability to rewire itself in response to our thoughts and experiences, we thus actively set that future into motion. When we repeatedly visualize a desired future while emotionally engaging with it—feeling the experience—our brain starts to treat it as if it’s already happening. Through vivid imagination and elevated emotional connection, we effectively train our brain to experience the future now. Each time we picture and emotionally experience this future, we strengthen the neural circuits associated with it, making it feel more real and more achievable. Our brain, in turn, becomes aligned with creating that reality.

Attitude of Gratitude

When we envision a future filled with success, love, or fulfillment and engage with that vision emotionally, we send a powerful signal to our head, heart, and gut, our family systems, the Universe, and our subconscious mind that we are ready to receive those experiences. In other words, we are fully aligned.

Another thing that plays a critical role in this process is gratitude. When we give thanks for a future outcome as though it’s already occurred, we also prime our brain to believe it’s real. Gratitude reinforces positive neural pathways, helping to bring that envisioned future into clearer focus, fostering a state of focus, readiness and expectation that greatly improves the odds of those future outcomes manifesting.

Of course, gratitude also has remarkable effects on our emotional and biological well-being. Practicing gratitude lowers stress levels, improves mental health, and influence gene expression. By cultivating gratitude for our future memories that we are creating, we enhance our ability to manifest those outcomes both psychologically and biologically. Being thankful for what you are about to receive creates a field state of coherence which is critical to manifestation. By vividly experiencing the future in the present, you are laying the foundation for a reality that is both intentional and deeply aligned with your highest potential.

Steps to Creating Your Future Now

As we enter the holiday season, I highly recommend that you seriously consider what you want to change in your life. What do you want to experience? More fulfilling work? More quality relationships? More time for yourself? More money? A new home? A special vacation? As we approach the end of the year, this is the perfect time to set new dreams into motion and take action to learn how to change the past. In the next week, be sure to set aside time for yourself to:

  • Take stock of your life
  • What limiting patterns are you aware of? What’s holding you back from the life you want to live?
  • Are there family patterns involved? Are others in your family dealing with the same or similar issues?
  • Recognize that epigenetic patterns of the past do NOT determine your future. YOU are in charge of your life. No one and no thing else.
  • Thank old limiting patterns—they once had a purpose for being there in your family and in your life. Your simple desire to move on makes you the change-maker.
  • Make a list of the experiences/situations/people/material things you want to bring into your life next year.
  • Make sure you are emotionally engaged and deeply passionate about these desires/dreams.
  • Take time every day to imagine yourself being and having what you most desire. Some of the most fertile times to do this is right before sleep and just as you are waking up in the morning. Take advantage of those more meditative, receptive alpha-wave states.
  • Get passionate! Feel yourself doing, being, having your dream. Get into it!
  • Be thankful for what you are about to receive.

And remember, the holidays are a special time. The “vibe” for the next few weeks is magical. Use it. Ride the energy waves of possibility, gratitude and new beginnings!

We are either our own prison keepers or our own liberators. Let me take you on a journey into courage and truth-telling at my special Disney World event: From Fear to Freedom, November 1-4. It will be an adventure! For more information please check  click here.

Emotional DNA
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How to Find the Truth with Meta Patterns

how to find the truth

How to Find the Truth with Meta Patterns

When I grew up back in South Africa, we had a really specific conversational “code.” And that code involved avoiding the topics of sex, religion, and politics. Those subjects were always a no-go zone, because so many people had so many widely varied thoughts about them. Many people held opinions that were well grounded in facts and many held opinions that were mostly based in emotions and judgement. And they all got so mixed up that the best approach eventually became to simply avoid the issues altogether. And if somebody did air their views, I was taught to simply be respectful and not argue or put anybody down for their perspective.

Because when we start discussing ‘hot” topics, arguments are sure to follow. And from there we end up putting down other people’s points of view. We start to shame and blame and we don’t listen. And in the midst of this tumultuous dynamic, we also begin to lose the truth. Because when we argue, my point of view has got to become your point of view, and vice versa. And to accomplish this, I’m going to double down on my point of view, and keep on doubling down, dragging in wild ideas and accusations in order to make my position bigger and more strident, more colorful and thus more popular than yours.

And then truth evaporates as the whole thing becomes a shouting match designed around who can yell the loudest and make the most outrageous statements of “fact.” Which is where we seem to have found ourselves in the world right now around pretty much everything.

A Dangerous Game

In systemic work, we know that certain systems just shouldn’t entangle. And yet today the systems of religion, politics, health, sexuality, immigration, education, and innumerable other hot topics get all mixed up together. We’re getting to a stage where systems are becoming so entangled that we no longer know what belongs where. We’re no longer giving everything and everyone in these varied arenas their rightful place. We’re no longer giving them a voice that can be heard.

I’m talking about this because this is a dangerous game to play with nuclear warheads and gain-of-function bioweapons ready at hand to deploy on the “loser.” I’m also talking about it because I’ve noticed lately how this whole dynamic has led to the place where much of humanity seems unable to discern truth from fiction and outright lies.

We seem to have lost the plot. Which is exactly what we can expect will happen when we’ve put ourselves into a win-lose game instead of a win-win game over various issues. It’s “Ha-ha! I win, you lose!” Never mind the only way I can win in this scenario is by not telling the truth. The lies I spin can be as big as you like, as long as they trump yours.

We haven’t yet learned that, if we wanted to, we could tackle even the thorniest political discussion if we simply gave everything and everyone their proper place in the discussion. And then respected everything and everyone involved by actually listening to what they have to say. But instead, we’re trying to drown out opposite points of view. And it’s actually killing us all because now almost no one can really hear. We’ve gotten into a space where the truth or the not-truth is so inflated that we’re starting to divide into tribes, camps, political groups around the “truth.” Only it’s super not the truth.

The Big Divide

In any big divide, we see opinions being taken as the truth. And when that happens people go blind and deaf. Right now, the whole political arena of America is filled with a few people’s opinions along with a bunch of catchy sound bites and slogans. And people are numbly, blindly, coalescing around those things. We’re not sitting down and being curious and looking deeply into the issues themselves. We’re not aware of the meta patterns of manipulation and how truth can be lost. We’re not seeing the meta patterns of blind conflict that start community arguments, civil unrest, and great big multinational wars.

Look at the Ukraine and Russia. There are two truths standing right there in front of us. But we’re not looking at and listening to the truths of each side. We’re listening to whoever blusters the loudest, shouting “This is the truth,” when it’s only one side’s truth. And then, because history is written by the victors, the one side’s truth that wins becomes the truth in the history books.

What would happen if, instead of repeating the meta pattern of playing lose-lose by not listening and dividing along tribal lines and parties, we started to really look at both sides of important issues in order to be able to negotiate a reality that works to the advantage of both sides and both truths?

Seriously, what really is the truth? What if we redefined it in terms of whatever maximizes humanity’s overall health and wellbeing instead of in terms of who is “right” and who is “wrong?” At the moment, the poor truth is buried so far underground under so many meta patterns and opinion-based shouting matches that it’s going to take a miracle for us to start separating them out.e

Who is going to begin to be the truth teller? Who is going to stand up for humanity’s wellbeing? Who is going to start telling a number of emperors that they really have no clothes on? More importantly, how are we going to land the search for truth in a way that becomes a bigger, more exciting game than the one we’re playing right now? How are we going to make the truth a game worth playing?

We are either our own prison keepers or our own liberators. Let me take you on a journey into courage and truth-telling at my special Disney World event: From Fear to Freedom, November 1-4. It will be an adventure! For more information please check  click here.

Emotional DNA