Love is in the Air or Is It?
Valentine’s Day is approaching, and love should be in the air, but for many of us it is exactly the opposite. Those wonderful relationships that last a lifetime seem to elude us. We can’t figure out what the problem is, but with a little insight, open eyes, and a willingness to explore, we may just find that we are repeating the relationship patterns of at least one of our parents. We call this an unconscious loyalty.
As I’ve said so many times, you don’t just inherit your physical DNA, there are many other kinds of patterns you inherit too, patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that I call Emotional DNA. Repeating patterns in your relationships are one such example. Quite unconsciously we tend to base our behaviors on the models that precede us. It is not unusual to find generations of men and women in the same family who struggle to maintain a lasting relationship.
For example, Mary is terrified of getting married, fearing that she will lose everything. She even fears that she may die. When we look at her history, we notice that both her mother and grandmother lost fortunes to the men they married. One was institutionalized and died there. She is terrified that this will be her fate too. George is afraid that if he marries a woman, he may kill her. This sounds extreme until you explore his history and discover that his grandmother died in childbirth and grandfather never forgave himself.
These are two extreme patterns but if you look at the nature of your own relationships the chances are that you may find at least one multi-generational pattern lurking there somewhere. Look at the history of relationships in your own family system, if you don’t have access to that then your own history of relationships will do. Notice the limiting things you think, feel, and do around relationships. Then, look and see if this is a repeating pattern from a prior generation. Who’s fears, annoyances, dislikes, and withdrawals do you carry into your relationships?
What might happen if you had one new inspiring thought and feeling and took a new action around relationships? How might that change things for you? Do you realize that will change your Relationship DNA for you and those who come after you? Might love, at last, be in the air for you this Valentine’s Day?
To explore and understand your professional and personal relationships and move beyond the places where you are stuck please visit us at judywilkins-smith.com.
- Love is a choice, not a reaction.
- Where did your patterns of relationships come from?
- Remember, relationships are key to your success.
- Are your relationships transactional or transformational?
- If you withdraw, the only one you are hurting is you. Everyone else moves on.