Many magazines feature articles about relationships, how we struggle with them and what you can do to create better ones. However, they don’t address the origins of our relationships struggles and until we can see and understand them, we are likely to keep hitting the same brick walls.
Systemic work and constellations offer a different way to see, understand and resolve limitations in our relationships. We not only inherit our physical DNA, but also our Emotional DNA, which creates our Relationship DNA. Yes, that’s right, you can inherit relationship patterns. Think of the times when you have been told all women/men are bad. Ask yourself where that came from and how it affects your current relationships – both personal and professional.
Who else in your family struggled? It is possible that you are repeating a pattern from previous generations? A client shared with me that she could not sustain relationships with men because they were all idiots. When asked what that meant she said that in times of crisis, men are never there. She revealed that her father was unavailable at the time of her mother’s passing. She had to take care of everything and everyone just like her mother had to do when her own father left the family. This client had become super capable at the cost of her heart. She realized she was categorizing all men as idiots as a way to feel safe. When she could acknowledge her true feelings surrounding her mother’s death, she could finally grieve and open her heart again. Surprisingly, a number of perfectly capable men showed up.
Looking at Relationship DNA allows us to see what lives in our system and discover ways to rewire limiting patterns. This is a great way to create a fresh start in your relationships.