Category: Fear DNA

Posted on

Emotional DNA and Interactive Genealogy: What It Is & Why It Matters

Emotional DNA

Emotional DNA and Interactive Genealogy: What it is & Why it Matters

Traditional genealogy can tell you where you came from and to whom you are linked. With the evolution of DNA saliva tests, you came to understand why you may look the way you do, discovered how to find your ancestors, and began to connect with people related to you who once were strangers. But when we bring together genealogy and emotional DNA–inherited patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions, including generational trauma patterns—a whole new world of personal information opens up for you.

Can you inherit heroism?

Most of us harbor secret hopes that our ancestors were incredible heroes or important figures in history. But what if you’re not directly descended from somebody famous? Does that mean you’re out of luck knowing whether you inherited any of those hero genes? Not at all! It’s actually possible to tell if someone in your family lineage was a hero.

How can that be? Well, just ask yourself a simple question: “How do I act, think, and feel in my own life?” Now tune in and think about it. Do you find yourself always standing up for the underdog? Are you unafraid to question authority? Have you surprised yourself by taking crazy dares now and then without a thought to your personal safety? If so, you probably have quite a few heroes quietly stashed away in your family line!

How is this possible? Well, we all know that we inherit our physical DNA. But studies in epigenetics now show that significant events in a person’s life can create an impact on their DNA. Strong emotions in an ancestor’s life such as extraordinary bravery, determination in the face adversity, courage overcoming terrible fear—these emotions quite literally imprint that person’s DNA, creating a blueprint for behavioral patterns that is then passed down to successive generations. These epigenetic inheritance patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions are what we refer to as our emotional DNA.

So, what else does this mean?  It means that your depression, anger, happiness, success, failure, issues with money and fear of commitment (and a lot of other issues and family behavior patterns) may well have their roots in prior generations. Stuff you’re experiencing that’s tripping you up in life may not belong to you at all! But it may be asking you to notice it. 

Generational patterns can be changed

And yet most people don’t know this. Instead, we go along through life repeating generational patterns faithfully as though they were our own. My client “Rita” is a perfect example.

Rita was embarrassed to admit it, but she always had to have a fully stocked pantry—and then some. Anything less than several overflowing closets filled with food created extreme anxiety and distress for her, and she couldn’t understand why. Paradoxically, Rita is pretty wealthy and can buy whatever she wants, whenever she wants. When I pressed her on the subject, she kept saying, “You never know what might happen. I could lose it all in an instant. If I don’t have food stores, I might not be able to survive.” 

When we looked at her family history, two generations had met with economic downturns and food shortages. Her great-great-great grandparents fled Ireland escaping the Irish Potato Famine. Her grandmother’s parents, once well-to-do, were impoverished during the Great Depression. She remembered hearing her grandmother tell her to always make sure she had enough food and money to last at least six months if not a year or more!

Again, even though Rita was well off and had a solid nest egg, she embodied the extreme trauma of starvation and loss carried in her emotional DNA from two different sets of family experiences—and possibly more going even further back in her genealogical history. On top of that, she carried the memory of her grandmother’s advice and the words of her own mother, constantly advising her to “Waste not, want not” and how she should always “Be prepared.”

“The idea of even wasting a penny just freaks me out,” Rita said. “It keeps me working long hours with my nose to the grindstone. I can’t even enjoy the success I’ve created.”

Honoring family patterns and moving on

When Rita finally got that her penny-pinching and food hoarding obsessions weren’t really hers, the lightbulb switched on. She realized it was up to her to break the generational poverty mindset. She was the person in her family who was being invited to change old negative family patterns and create something new.

When she took the next step and realized that her grandmother and mother had pinched pennies so that she didn’t have to, that gave her pause for thought. She remembered how her grandmother used to say she wished she could take her kids and grandkids on trips and have adventures. At that point, she realized that she could give her grandmother and mother a legacy by doing what they could not. She could stock one pantry in peace and take the time off to take her own children on family vacations.

Rita was breaking generational cycles by setting down the family limitations, embracing her mother’s and grandmother’s dreams as well as her own hopes and desires, setting new patterns of adventure and abundance into motion with a happy heart.

Want to learn more about emotional DNA and how it applies to you? 

Come to one of my interactive events and experience firsthand how to change the effects of behavioral genetics on your life and create new patterns of success! Click here to find out more information. 

Emotional DNA
Posted on

Why Your Words Matter When It Comes to Success

your words matter

Why Your Words Matter When It Comes To Success

Your words matter. Language matters. If you think they don’t, think about the times you’ve been told “You’re not” and “You’ll never.” These are some of the most powerful words in the English language. You know what I mean. How many times have you heard, “You’re not good enough” … or thin enough, or rich enough, smart enough, athletic enough? And then there’s the “You’ll never.” You’ll never catch up. You’ll never catch on. You’ll never make the grade. You’ll never live up to your father or brother or sister or predecessor. And on and on.

Systemic Language and Inherited Behaviors

Everyone has heard these phrases—many of which are systemic language from their family system—phrases that are just part of the family lingo, so much so that we hardly notice them. Unfortunately, these are the words that self limiting beliefs are made of. Hear them often enough, and one of two things happens. Either we let those limiting belief examples shape our sense of self, give up, and live down to the low expectations. Or we use those negative pronouncements as a motivator and rise above them.

If you give up, unconsciously (or even consciously) and agree with what you’ve been told, the limiting words can become your embodied truth—heavy boat anchors, dragging you down. For those who don’t give up, something different is happening. They reframe those same words and craft their language to deliberately create a totally different reality. “You’re not good enough” becomes “I am good enough!” And that kind of successful thinking then becomes their north star.

Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

How we think and speak literally create our personal reality. But here’s the key: In order to use language as a potent force for powerful change and manifest your goals, your body must believe the words you’re thinking and speaking. In other words, your brain has to tell your body a story it can believe and thus buy. For example, say you’ve just gotten a new job that uses computer systems you’re totally unfamiliar with. Out of pride (or fear or both) you ask no one for help. Instead, you say to yourself over and over again, “I can do this. Even if I don’t know what to do right now, I can figure this out!”

Those are all great sentences. But, until the body believes them, no movement takes place, no old systemic language is rewired. That sinking feeling in your gut and that panicky flutter in your chest is your body telling you, “Nope. I don’t buy it. You’re never figuring that out!” And now your brain has told your body a story it can believe that doesn’t serve you.

On the other hand, if you tell yourself something like, “I’m a quick learner. If I just get somebody to show me the ropes, I’ll be up to speed in no time. I know I’m building my success in this new job one step at a time. And that shows strength and persistence Watch me grow here!” then you are heading in a totally different direction.

These strong words along with positive action actually elevate your body’s emotions. And science has proven that when strong, positive emotions are present in the body, learning happens more easily. The process is accelerated even more when strong, positive emotions can be attached to a desired purpose, direction, or goal.

Words Matter and Elite Athletes Know It

 

This is exactly how elite athletes and highly accomplished people overcome self-limiting beliefs and achieve success. They are deeply conscious of the thoughts and language they use, the emotions they feel and the actions they take. They have figured out that they are, indeed, conscious co-creators of their lives. They have moved past any thoughts of being at someone else’s mercy and into an adventure they are consciously creating.

How to Let Go of Limiting Beliefs

To understand this better, identify an area of your life where you have a distinct feeling – either positive or negative – that you can sense in your body. For example, maybe you feel a deep uncertainty and even anxiety about a co-worker. You just can’t tell whether or not s/he is being honest with you. What do you tell yourself about this situation? What to you tell yourself about this co-worker? What are your thoughts, feelings and actions about your anxiety? Write your observations down.

  • Now, ask yourself, “What do I make these thoughts mean? About myself? About others?” Jot your observations down.
  • Notice that you are the one creating the thoughts and feelings and you are the one who has the choice about what they will be and how they affect you.

You are never at the mercy of a whimsical universe when you are aware of your thoughts, words and actions. Far from it! You are consciously creating your life! By rewiring old systemic language, developing new thoughts, emotions and actions, you are continuously shaping your world. And your life can change in an instant!

 

Adventure awaits you! Take a deep dive with me into systemic language at one of my live events, and begin to consciously shape the life that you truly want to experience. 

money dna
Posted on

Systemic Language: What it is & What it Does

systemic language

Systemic Language: What it is and What it Does

Even though we are quite unaware of it, we all speak systemic language. In other words, we all speak the languages of the particular systems we’re involved in—our family system, our business system, our cultural system, the sports system we participate in, etc.

Inherited behaviors include language. Every family system has special little “sayings,” that usually go quite unnoticed. For example, (and I bet most of you have heard these!) “Money doesn’t grow on trees” and “You get what you pay for.” Or how about the socially crippling, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” All these sayings affect your money DNA! They shape your thoughts feelings and actions around money. 

We don’t realize it, but words matter. Why? Because they can end up driving subconscious limiting beliefs. If you were raised hearing the words “Relationships don’t last,” it’s a strong possibility that you’ll have difficulty creating lasting intimate relationships in your life. And you probably won’t even understand why.

Emotional DNA

Limiting Belief Examples

Same thing goes with other examples of systemic language. Every profession, every club, and every sport have their insider lingo. Culturally, we  taught a lot of catchy phrases, like “No pain, no gain.”  (Thank you, Jane Fonda.) Or “Only the good die young.” (Thank you, Billy Joel.) But what a terrible, unconscious patterns to learn to live by! 

Sure, there are positive cultural influences. For example, we’re schooled to believe that developing successful habits and successful thinking is how to be successful in life.  But we just can’t escape the less healthy cultural influences. A client of mine, Joe, has two boys. He also has a big heart and is easily touched by kindness and even unkindness. He has been careful to model emotional availability to his sons. And yet, recently, when they all were watching a movie and he found himself moved to tears, he was surprised when his oldest boy admonished him, saying “Dad, men don’t cry.” 

Joe knows where that comes from, he’s been told it all his life.  He also knows that he is strong and successful. And yet he still feels a little shame when he does cry. He asked me, “Is it possible to be fully male and strong and yet cry?”  

I said, “Of course! you just have to keep challenging this commonly held, but erroneous assumption, whenever it rears its head. When you do this, not only does it change the situation for you, but for your sons and other men as well.”

How to Change your Thoughts and Feelings ... and Your Life

As we speak so we think and feel. We are teaching our brain to tell our body a story it can believe. When we change a language pattern, we change our thoughts and emotions. Let’s take money as an example. Many of us speak, and thus believe and act, in alignment with money patterns already in existence.  For example, we’re taught that having money is vitally important. We’re also taught that having money is bad, wrong, and greedy. We hear the words, “Money is the root of all evil.” 

Yikes! How to create a positive mindset around money with those kinds of conflicting truths?

The difference between those who struggle materially and those who succeed does NOT just hinge on their environment or circumstances. It rests, in very large part, on the systemic language and multigenerational family patterns they inherit and embody. It also depends on your willingness to change limiting systemic language and implement the power of positive words.

Give your Money DNA a Boost

If you have “money issues,” start carefully monitoring how you talk about money. How often do negative money sayings crop up in your mind? How often do you find yourself saying, “Oh, I can’t afford that” or “I wish I could afford that”?

Your money DNA can be changed by asking yourself a simple question: “What if something different is possible? What if I could afford it?” Right there, you’ve opened the door to a whole new possibility.

Do you judge people who have money? Stop it. Instead, find inspiring examples of people who are addressing some of the world’s problems precisely because they have accumulated wealth, been wise stewards, and can put money to good use. 
 
What happens if you begin to view money with respect and even affection?  What happens if you say (gasp) “I love money” or “Money and I are good friends!” When you do this—when you change your systemic language around money—you are rewiring your brain AND your life. Imagine that? You are able to change your financial circumstances one new thought, one new feeling, and one new action at a time.
 
And if you find yourself thinking this kind of simple change won’t make a difference to your finances, I challenge you to look at your limiting systemic language and put one new thought, feeling and action around money into play for one month. Also look out for other kinds of sabotaging thoughts/language/actions, like, “Nothing I do ever works.” Or “It would take an Act of Congress to change my financial situation.”)
 
Systemic language is HUGE.  Changing your language can help you rewire your brain for success and change your money mindset. Explored and employed consciously, you can begin crafting and more fulfilling and exciting life.
 
money dna
Posted on

Rights, wrongs, and a bigger game. Systemically speaking.

I see so many causes with rights and wrongs at the moment and how we are told we need/ need to not behave. There are high feelings and large reactions, and I am reminded that in systems and systemic work, everything and everyone belongs.

 

High feelings are wonderful when you realize that they are simply an invitation to a bigger game or a different pattern.

 

Having studied companies that do really well one thing becomes obvious. All are welcome. Companies like Apple have created a game that is big enough for everyone to play. They don’t care about color, creed, origin, ethnicity.  Everyone has a way to belong if they want to and I wonder if they are showing us something important?.

 

We don’t have to all want the same thing, we don’t have to agree on what we think is the best or worst and we can choose our levels of participation without having to justify them.

 

I wonder about a world I love and a country I am proud to call my own. I see what we can do when we stop making each other wrong and allow for differences and choices. We can respect the differences and not insist that everyone do as we want.

 

In systemic work and constellations one of the core tenets of the work is that everybody has a right to belong and a place that belongs to only them.

 

In other words, all places count. They all have something to offer. If we pay attention to our history we will always find both right and wrong. It’s what we focus on that counts. What we bring to the fore. At the moment we seem intent on finding what’s wrong and that blinds us to what’s right and what we can use to flourish and come together. We aren’t looking at the wonderful possibilities.

 

Throughout our lives we are constantly working with patterns that are trying to rest and patterns that are trying to emerge through us. Fate in the one and destiny in the other.

When we are angry or frustrated a good question to ask is what pattern is trying to stop. It takes the sting out of what’s happening and allows us to see that something bigger is asking to emerge through us and for us.

 

If we are willing to take an objective look at what’s happening in front of us, then the next question to ask is what we would most like to see. Not in a selfish way but in heartfelt way that lights us up. If we can do that, we can learn to see the pattern that’s itching to emerge for the highest good.

 

Making each other wrong simply means division and blindness. This stunts growth and innovation, and the world goes into a period of hibernation.

 

It’s only when we are willing to see that there is something truly good about every event, and in every person, even if it’s to ignite change, that we can learn and begin to breathe and innovate again.

 

So perhaps the next time we want to condemn or accuse each other, it’s time to ask what pattern is trying to stop, what pattern is trying to emerge through us and what is the bigger game that we can all play?

 

What’s possible here?

Posted on

Fear and Emotional DNA Webinar

May 13, 2020

Community Call with Q+A

Topic: Scars Fear Leave Behind On Our DNA

Let’s shift those fears and Reveal, Reframe, Rewire the stories and emotions we are programming in this unknown time. We are programming our emotional DNA and we are passing this down with our physical DNA to our descendants. Watch the webinar recorded on May 13, 2020 below and join us for an in depth look at this topic in our Emotional DNA Workshop scheduled for May 29-31, 2020. Special discount code available for limited time.

 

Feel free to share with your friends, family and colleagues who would benefit from being part of our community conversation.

 

 

Posted on

Can Fear Be a Transformer?

The emotional landscape keeps changing at speeds we have never known.

It’s been a whirlwind and we are all trying to deal with its impact on our neighborhoods, cities and globally.

Unprecedented times call out unusual behaviors.

I watched people fighting each other for supplies and then I watched others who shopped for those who couldn’t leave their homes.

I observed extreme generosity and extreme selfishness in the same day. Two opposite ends of the spectrum that.

I was reminded of what fear and the unknown can do to people and how important it is to understand how fear can serve us at the same time as it can limit us.

This past week I almost changed the advanced class for this year as I had chosen Fear DNA as this year’s topic in the beginning of this year — before the news of the virus had reached us. I wondered if it might be too much given the  current circumstances.

Then I realized…these are exactly the times in which we take a significant event, have a reaction, then create thoughts and feelings that start to generate mindsets of fear.

With that in mind I am going to be offering our most appropriate advanced topic yet.

Transforming your Fear DNA

People frequently tell me they could do so much if they could get past their fears. Often, they can’t quite identify or explain them, they just know that their stomachs contract when they think of doing something bigger or different. As though there were a ‘do not enter’ sign on the door.

Sometimes those fears originated in prior generations and you take them on as though they were your own. Some of these events may have created appropriate fears for your ancestors where it was jump or die time. As they migrated down to you, they may no longer have been life threatening but might have felt that way.

Events like this current one in the news, that happen directly to you, can create a library of fear in you and this can become a pattern of gut-wrenching thoughts and emotions that can create your Fear DNA.

And then there is another possibility.

Might fear indeed be a clue to what wants to change in the system?

A gift for you?

Can fear in fact be a transformer?

Think of the times you have achieved something in spite of your fear.

How did you feel right after you achieved that?

You knew you had stretched and transformed. Everything around you looked and felt different.

That kind of fear that can turn to wonder when you finally experience your potential.

When you learn to look at fear through that lens, with an open heart, it has no option but to change.

Now you are able to turn challenges and fear into an opportunity to stretch, move, and evolve.

Fear wasn’t meant to halt you but rather to inform and guide you and ultimately to transform you.

At this special event in November, you will learn how to identify, acknowledge and transform your Fear DNA, understand the purpose it has served and the clues it provides. You will also learn how to use it to shape the life you want for your highest good.

Fear that once limited you may even become the friend it was always meant to be.

In the process of transformation, we often stand first in fear – until with an open heart – this becomes wonder.

Now it’s your turn.

Please share below so we can learn from each another in our community:

  • How are you managing your fears right now?
  • What are you doing that is helpful in keeping a healthy perspective?
  • How can we support you ? What would you like to learn more about?

Please do not hesitate to reach out to us on our contact page if you have any questions or need support. We are here to serve you during this challenging period that affects us all.