Relationships and Fathers

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Mothers give birth to us and fathers introduce us to the world.  We often look to our fathers as a measure of our own success.  We want them to know we’ve made it in the world.  Fathers are often very important models for our career trajectories.

When we do well with our fathers, we often find it easier to take direction from others.  If we struggle with our fathers, we may find ourselves resisting authority and may not know how to take our full place in life.  In our careers we may find that we stall or fail at the same places they did.

I had a client who was right at the top of the ladder and suddenly felt at-risk, as though he might lose it all.  When I asked him about his father’s career, he said his father was fired as a CEO and never regained that status.  When we explored, he realized that he had a fear of attaining success only to have it taken away.  It became important for him to do it differently than dad.  By tweaking one or two characteristics he shared with dad he was able to avoid taking the same path.

During our Relationship DNA event in June, one of the dynamics we will have a look at the ways you may be repeating patterns of self-sabotage as well as the relationship between you and your father.  Join us to grow dynamic relationships!


Relationships and Mothers


A mother is our first relationship.  If we are separated from our mothers, it can feel like a life-or-death situation.  As we grow up and individuate, we begin to discover that we may not die after all.

When we don’t do well with our mothers, we may struggle with our other relationships.  The way we treat our mothers is often the way we treat our partners.  When we cannot take any nurturing from our mothers, we may have difficulties taking mentoring from our bosses.

When we do well with our mothers, life often flows smoothly.

I had a client who could not stand to be micromanaged.  She did not want everybody “in her business”.  When we had a look at the relationship with her mom, she realized that mom had micromanaged her entire life, including who she could date, until she rebelled.  When she was able to see the reasons for her mother’s behavior, she could finally have a conversation with her mother and allow others to assist her at her work.

Mother’s Day is just around the corner.  Now might be a really good time to examine your relationship with your mother.  During our Relationship DNA event in June, one of the dynamics we will explore is the mother/child relationship.  Join us to create fulfilling relationships!

How Personal Relationships Impact Professional Relationships

Your relationships at work are frequently reflections of your relationships at home.  Either in collusion with or opposition to what is happening at home.  We also know that systems seek resolution.  What you don’t complete in one system will present itself again in other systems until resolution is achieved.

I ask my clients who have problems with their bosses which parent they struggle with.  If they struggle with their colleagues I ask if they have problems with their siblings.  Systems are always in service of us.  So, if you have a persistent relationship problem, it is not only showing you what needs to stop but showing you that something better is just around the corner – if you are willing to look.  Being stuck means simply that our box has gotten too small and there is something more for us.

Write down one place where you struggle at work and see if there is a similar place at home.  If the answer is yes, the chances are your relationship patterns are asking to be addressed.  During our Relationship DNA event in June, we will explore both personal and professional aspects of your relationships.

Relationships are the foundation of success – come and join us!

A Fresh Start To Your Relationships


Many magazines feature articles about relationships, how we struggle with them and what you can do to create better ones.  However, they don’t address the origins of our relationships struggles and until we can see and understand them, we are likely to keep hitting the same brick walls.

Systemic work and constellations offer a different way to see, understand and resolve limitations in our relationships.  We not only inherit our physical DNA, but also our Emotional DNA, which creates our Relationship DNA.  Yes, that’s right, you can inherit relationship patterns.  Think of the times when you have been told all women/men are bad.  Ask yourself where that came from and how it affects your current relationships – both personal and professional.

Who else in your family struggled?  It is possible that you are repeating a pattern from previous generations?  A client shared with me that she could not sustain relationships with men because they were all idiots.  When asked what that meant she said that in times of crisis, men are never there.  She revealed that her father was unavailable at the time of her mother’s passing.  She had to take care of everything and everyone just like her mother had to do when her own father left the family.  This client had become super capable at the cost of her heart.  She realized she was categorizing all men as idiots as a way to feel safe.  When she could acknowledge her true feelings surrounding her mother’s death, she could finally grieve and open her heart again.   Surprisingly, a number of perfectly capable men showed up.

Looking at Relationship DNA allows us to see what lives in our system and discover ways to rewire limiting patterns.  This is a great way to create a fresh start in your relationships.


How does my Emotional DNA Impact My Love Life?


It’s February, the month of love and I am often asked, “Can your Emotional DNA affect your love life too?” Yes, it can and does, and in June we have an entire event dedicated to Relationship DNA but, for now, let’s look at an example of how your Emotional DNA can impact a loving relationship.

Remember: Emotional DNA, is the pattern of thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions that repeat in a family system.

Amelia swept into her first meeting with me and declared that she had to divorce her husband because all men were stupid. He was number 3 and she seemed unable to pick anything but stupid men. When I asked what stupid meant she said that her husband was incredibly stupid with money and had just wasted several dollars on an expensive loaf of bread!

Amelia was a top executive, as was her husband, so the wrath over an expensive loaf of bread didn’t make sense. As we explored her other 2 marriages, she noticed that as soon as she realized her husbands were stupid, they had to go before they destroyed everything.

In our discussion, she revealed that her mother had also divorced 3 times. Those husbands had all been stupid, including Amelia’s father who seemed to have little sense of money and had frequently bought small frivolous things. Her mother had no tolerance for financial stupidity. When Amelia was a child, she was swiftly disciplined if she wasted or lost money.

Amelia’s maternal grandmother had also been married 3 times. She had come from a wealthy family and her 1st husband had taken her substantial inheritance and lost it all. She almost had a nervous breakdown, divorced the stupid man and started her own business. She married and divorced twice more – both times as soon the men made any moves that threatened her financial stability. She’d taken great care to teach her daughter that financial stupidity was not something to be tolerated.

As Amelia recognized the pattern she’d been repeating, her face softened. When I asked her about this current husband she teared up. He’d bought the bread to eat with a special dish he’d prepared for her. She began to understand that while the pattern had originally helped grandmother to survive, it had perhaps limited the love in future generations.

So, as you look at your own relationships and Emotional DNA, you might explore the places where you seem to struggle. Think about the patterns you are bringing from you family system into your relationships. Are they helpful or hurtful?

Overcoming Your Money Limitations

The ways we speak, feel and act around money are clues to the patterns, thoughts and actions that live within our multi-generational Money DNA.  Money is often cast as the villain, the choice, or the unattainable in our stories.  This comes from meta patterns that are thousands of years old.  They also have roots in religions, ethics and are the leading cause of wars.  We are taught that to have a lot of money is evil.  Yet it is the “evil doers” who often bail us out in terrible times.  So, what do they know that we don’t?

They have figured out, contrary to popular belief, that money is a strong ally and friend.  They know they don’t have to sacrifice something precious, such as love, to have money.  They take time to understand money and how it works.  They have no resistance to its flow and know it gives them freedom and allows expansion.  They talk about money as a friend, not a foe.

Walt Disney discovered what lives beyond limiting Money DNA patterns and built one of the most lucrative and beloved places on Earth.  Imagine what you might do if you overcame yours.

Join us at our signature event in Florida!

How Does Money Show Up In Your Life?

Money DNA
Money is a great place marker for all sorts of things; love, safety and power to name a few.  The way it shows up for you is highly dependent on what you say to yourself about it.  Your thoughts, feelings and actions around money are rooted in the thoughts, feelings and actions of your ancestors.   How did your ancestors handle money?  What did they say about it?  What were the unspoken rules about it?  What do you tell yourself about money?  Does it grow on trees?  Is it only for the chosen few? Does it come and go?  Do you have to work hard to earn it?  Is there never enough?   We have made these thoughts, feelings and actions our own, but they often don’t belong to us. Many of these sayings originated with our ancestors and have been passed down through the generations via our Emotional DNA.   At our Money DNA event, we are going to take a deep dive into your Money DNA, at the most magical place on Earth – DISNEY WORLD!  If anyone knew how to reshape their Money DNA, it was Walt and it wasn’t always easy for him either.  After each day’s coursework, you will take what you’ve learned into the parks.  You will see examples of Walt’s Money DNA and ground what you’ve learned in play.   Walt overcame the limiting Money DNA that plagued his family to build one of the most spectacular places on Earth.  What will you do when you overcome yours? Join us at Money DNA Event at Walt Disney in Florida!