Its Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas/Hanukkah/the Festive Season

No matter what your persuasion or affiliation, this is the time of year when we expect to see miracles. Even if we’ve experienced tragedy, our hearts are a little more open to possibility. Special foods fill the shops, we stand in lines for gifts and it’s a time to celebrate.

There’s something really important about the festive season. It’s the one time of the year in many parts of the world where we are officially supposed to celebrate and do something a little special and be happy.

This is an example of a meta system – a large force or group. And this meta system is aligned with our dreams and desires!

Simply put the festive season actually embraces a slew of profoundly systemic meta patterns that are totally geared towards your greatest happiness!

This is very important. You have permission, even encouragement, from the system to be kind, happy and grateful. To live in an elevated state for a while. What’s even more important is that it’s a time when life changes can happen because none of the normal limiting thoughts, feelings and actions are present in your life. Everything is in a state of elevated and aligned coherence. The system is entirely in your favor.

If you are sad confused or lost then this is a time for a Christmas miracle. If you are happy, ambitious and inspired then this is the time to cultivate goodwill, deepen relationships, explore and resolve any glitches and capitalize on the encouragement in the system. This is rocket fuel for the soul!

So this festive season be sure to tap into and maximize the systemic goodwill around you and use it to shape a wonderful life for the coming year. It is a great time for miracles and change and with an open heart and willingness to grow – your next amazing step is waiting for you!

December 1, 2021November 15, 2021

Celebrating Steps You’ve Taken

Check out our new event schedule. Emotional DNA is now available online in October. Join our Emotional DNA and Money DNA events as a package.

Celebrating Steps You’ve Taken

No matter what the year has been like, December is a good time for reflection and celebration. Even if the year has introduced some challenges into your life, there is always a gift in that. And the game of life is always about using every single gift to your advantage. This is not just a head game. When you can see the gift and give it useful meaning you are literally rewiring your old patterns and reshaping your future.

If you were laid off from your job or had a glitch in your career, ask yourself what you learned during that period of time. What did you do that you might not have gotten to do otherwise? A client of mine had to change career paths due to Covid-19, as she was unable to financially sustain a long period of time off work. While she was unhappy about changing jobs, the move enabled her to begin saving and start looking towards bigger goals and a brighter future.

The only time there is no gift is when people don’t look for it or refuse to see it. Learning to see and change your life this way results in new patterns and new futures. Learn about my upcoming events for 2022!

November 13, 2021November 13, 2021

Mining for Gold

As strange as it might seem, Covid-19 came with a remarkable set of gifts. Perhaps now is the time to think about them. How has the pandemic impacted your life? For me, when Covid hit, I found myself in a state of fear. I didn’t know if my business would take a dive or if my clients would retreat. Most of us were thrown out of our normal day-to-day routine.

We had to think differently about the way we approached work and life and we sure felt differently. Fear around supply shortages and things like mask wearing and vaccinations surfaced. We were forced to take alternative actions to make sure we would survive. Systemically, we had to create new Emotional DNA to adapt to a changing world. One new thought, feeling and action at a time.

It felt like a marathon and many of us lost people we loved along the way and had to adjust to those losses as well. At stages it felt overwhelming and at times it still does. However, it is good to acknowledge that we have, without a doubt, created new skills sets and strengths as well as some behaviors that won’t serve us well in the long run. They all begin with our Emotional DNA.

I was scared that if I didn’t adapt, I would lose everything that I had built, just like my father and grandfather. I told myself it was time to do things differently. I learned more about technology than I ever wanted to, and I must confess, I’m grateful I did. But I also stopped exercising on a regular basis because I was simply too busy on Zoom and focused on survival. So, I told myself it was more important to avoid what had happened to my predecessors than to be fit.

When I took the time to think about my Emotional DNA, I found myself realizing that change wasn’t as scary as I had imagined. That allowed me to feel a lot safer and take actions I might not have taken before. I could choose to see the gifts in my newly created Emotional DNA and realized that I could grow my business happily while maintaining my fitness.

This leads me to the questions that I have for you – What parts of your newly created Emotional DNA do you want to hold on to? What do you want to leave behind?

Please let me know what new Emotional DNA you have grown over the past 18 months. What are you choosing to take with you and what you will leave behind?

November 7, 2021November 7, 2021

System Dynamics for Individuals & Organizations

Judy Wilkins-Smith – System Dynamics for Individuals & Organizations

Aired Thursday, July 29, 2021, at 5:00 PM PST / 8:00 PM EST

In 1966, Paul Simon wrote a song called “Patterns” and the lyric intimated that we are all born with fixed “patterns” that we cannot change. Is this true? Are there ancestral patterns of emotions, beliefs and attitudes that are inherited, just like DNA?

My guest this week on Vox Novus, Judy Wilkins-Smith, says that we may learn to recognize these patterns and change the “dynamic”, leading to healthier, happier, and more fulfilling lives. Judy Wilkins-Smith is a highly regarded organizational, individual, and family patterns expert, systemic coach, trainer, facilitator, thought partner, leadership conference and motivational speaker and founder of System Dynamics for Individuals & Organizations. She has 18 years expertise in assisting high performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives and their teams as well as legacy families, to break limiting cycles and reframe challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance. Her website is https://judywilkins-smith.com/ and she joins me this week to share her experience and methods.

November 5, 2021November 7, 2021

Searching for Satya, the Girl with the Blue Ukulele

Episode 2—Searching for Satya, the Girl with the Blue Ukulele

In the second episode of the Searching for Satya series, Kelly talks with constellation therapy facilitator Judy Wilkins-Smith about her work with Sharon Barry to help find her lost daughter Tess (now calling herself Satya). Constellation therapy is a transformative process that explores the hidden dynamics and patterns in families that keep people stuck. On the show, you’ll hear about the incredible inside-out, multigenerational work this therapy does.

November 1, 2021November 7, 2021

Being Thankful For Those Who Came Before Us

Check out our new event schedule. Emotional DNA is now available online in October. Join our Emotional DNA and Money DNA events as a package.

Being Thankful for Those Who Came Before Us

All too often leaders sweep into power and overturn everything that happened before them. While that might look bold and knowledgeable, their chances of bumping into patterns from the past are high. Simply rejecting out of hand what came before us is never wise. We throw away the gems along with what wasn’t working. In other words, we lose valuable insights and stand a strong chance of falling into the same potholes. We also make those around us wrong if they were aligned with the previous leader, leaving them restless and concerned.

However, when we can be thankful for the ones who came before and give them their rightful place, then associates know that all is respected – both the old and the new. The system settles and is more inclined to support a new leader.

At our Leadership and Organizational DNA events, we explore how all parts of an organization belong and serve. Join us!

October 15, 2021September 27, 2021

Can You Inherit Your Happiness Quotient?

Can You Inherit Your Happiness Quotient (HQ)?

The short answer is yes. Children of happy parents have a much higher chance of being happy themselves. Conversely, children who watch their parents suffer may also suffer. However, some are lucky enough to realize that they want something better. When that switch occurs, they are rewiring their observed patterns of thoughts, feelings and actions in the family system and setting something completely different into motion. In all cases, the children have their parents to thank for their HQ.

It is important to understand that we are not sentenced to the same prisons as those who came before us. That realization alone is enough to spark an entirely different set of patterns in the family system.

Many cultures are centered around strict codes of conduct where members feel like the only way to belong is to adhere to all the rules. Such rules, when blindly followed can bring about unhappiness and a limited sense of self. Freedom is often obtained when they step outside of the prescribed codes. They realize that their limitations are inherited mindsets, not realities.

In systemic work, using constellations, limiting patterns are quickly revealed along with their origins and impacts. Often clients have a keen sense of which pattern needs to stop. This shows up in their frustrations and sadness. The patterns that are trying to emerge in this system are frequently expressed in the client’s desires and dreams.

Hellinger says, “Happiness takes courage”. What he means is that blindly following a set of multigenerational rules or patterns can keep us stuck and small. Sometimes it requires the courage to start a new way of thinking, feeling and being in order to grow. Imagine that. Our happiness is created by our own conscious thoughts, feelings, and actions. When we do so, we quite literally begin to rewire our brains. Now the systemic pattern is no longer our predictable future. We are in fact, changing our lives and destiny.

Take 5 minutes to write down your biggest sadness, frustration, or limitation. Now take another 5 minutes to write down your biggest dream and desire from that same area. Ask yourself what would stop you from following your dreams and desires. Chances are those answers are the patterns that echo in your system. Finally, ask yourself if your desire for happiness is strong enough to pull you past all the excuses that keep you stuck.

If your answer is no, you are probably entangled in a systemic trance that is stronger than your desire to move. A systemic trance occurs when you blindly repeat a pattern in the family knowing that it won’t bring you happiness, yet it feels so familiar that you can’t resist.

When you stop making excuses for the way things are you will find yourself able to move and become invested in your happiness and future. Now you can build your HQ. Systemic work and constellations teaches you how to move out of the trance and into freedom and happiness.

October 1, 2021August 9, 2021

The Ghosts of Generations Past

Check out our new event schedule. Emotional DNA is now available online in October. Join our Emotional DNA and Money DNA events as a package.

The Ghosts of Generations Past

How many of you have been to a haunted house? Are you aware that many of us carry generations of haunting ghosts within us? These inner ghosts can be just as scary as the ones we see at Halloween. Only these are with us throughout the year, scaring us every time we try to do something different!

Leaders are often haunted by the ones who came before them and the fear of repeating or meeting the same fate. Only when they can see the hidden ghosts and patterns can they escape them and choose a different path. Of course, they have to look at them first to be able to move.

At our Leadership and Organizational DNA events we take a look at the hidden patterns that sabotage companies and their leadership. Once those ghosts are seen, the patterns can be reframed, and old haunting patterns can retire. Join us in exploring what is haunting you or your organization. Finally, lay old ghosts to rest!

September 15, 2021September 9, 2021

Traumatic or Transformational DNA. Which are you growing?

Traumatic or Transformational DNA. Which are you growing?

All of us have had a stomach-churning event where things went badly. We can usually recall it vividly. In fact, just thinking about it has us sweating or shaking. Think about one such experience of your own.

It probably felt traumatic, and chances are it made you more cautious. Maybe you told yourself you weren’t good enough, smart enough, fast enough. Perhaps it even taught you a lesson. If so, did it teach you a good one? One you could learn from and flip into a strength?

The things you tell yourself or feel about that event, did they grow you in a way that makes you happy? Were you traumatized or transformed? And how has that affected your life?

I often ask clients who share a traumatic event what was happening in their lives at the time. We explore how they felt, what they told themselves about the event, and what they made it mean about themselves and others.

I also ask if something similar ever happened to someone else in their family. Did they inherit some of those same beliefs and thoughts from a prior generation? Did that incident perhaps illuminate a repeating cycle or pattern in their family or organizational system? Could they use this event to think differently and move beyond current limitations? Sometimes superpowers emerge from what was once a limiting pattern.

For example, two people have a car accident that alters their physical capability. One is devastated, the other is inspired to use the event as a springboard to a greater life. Each focused differently. One built traumatic pathways that debilitated them and the other embraced transformational pathways that elevated them. Same event two different outcomes.

We often avoid exploring these pivotal moments. We sweep them under the rug or push them away as fast as we can. Perhaps we even feel destroyed and give up. We see them as catastrophes instead of portals to possibility.

Often what keeps us from looking at the gift in these events is the activation of our Emotional DNA, the patterns of thoughts feelings and actions that we inherit from prior generations. What we are thinking and feeling in the moment may actually be inherited. We unconsciously repeat history and think it’s our present, when in fact it may not even belong to us.

Once we can identify our limiting view of what has happened, we can then pivot to a more expansive view of what is possible. Now we are no longer trapped in a cycle.

When we key into those moments and fully take them in, we often find a sense of purpose, courage, or depth we never knew we had. They take us from a fate to a destiny.

The most important thing to recognize is that whatever you tell yourself and believe will take you in the direction of trauma or transformation.

You are the genie in your own lamp. What you tell yourself and believe will create your heartache or your wings. When that next significant event occurs, and it will, ask yourself which you will choose.

September 15, 2021August 24, 2021

Demystifying Systemic Work and Constellations

Demystifying Systemic Work and Constellations

For a lot of people, systemic work and constellations seem magical, out there and woo-woo. It isn’t. For those who have never experienced this work, a brief description is in order. Systemic work is a framework of orders and principals that govern all living systems. The constellations process uses this systemic framework to guide an interactive exploration of the language, thoughts, feelings, and actions that are unique to each client’s system. It illuminates their system in 3-D, enabling them to navigate issues in a space where they can literally see, feel, touch, and test both the limitations and possibilities of their given situation.

Systemic facilitators know how to apply this framework to a stated issue and dimensionalize it using either animate or inanimate representatives for each relevant part of said issue equipping the client to interactively explore the issue to understand where and how they are stuck and where and how the possibility for change lies. While it appears facilitators have some deep inside knowledge of an invisible field that most of us can’t access, increasing numbers of coaches, therapists, HR professionals, and leaders are discovering that, with training, anyone can see and understand how to work with this field.

This work is in fact rooted in well studied epigenetics and neuroscience showing us that we inherit patterns and that our brain is perfectly capable of changing those patterns for the better. You CAN reframe and rewire thoughts, feelings and actions resulting from limiting generational patterns that have been passed down to you.

When you engage multiple senses, more and different insights are possible. What seems like a disaster in one generation seeks to become a differentiator and a strength in another. For example, people who have struggled with financial disasters and consistently have a negative thoughts, feelings and actions around money can create a family system where money is a struggle. All it takes is one family member to see that pattern and decide to think, feel and act differently around money for the pattern in the system to change.

In systemic work, these thoughts, feelings, and actions play a crucial role in identifying and changing limiting patterns. A good systemic facilitator knows how to spot the patterns in a family or organization and identify obstacles and limitations, as well as new patterns that are trying to emerge. Often an obstacle in a system is simply a pattern that has outlived its usefulness. It is also a strong clue to what wants to change. When you can look at what you would rather have, that is a strong clue as to what is trying to emerge.

Combining the systemic framework with a constellation, results in embodied practical transformation. The client is able to see the pattern, understand its effects, and respond to their own desire for something better. And when they can see and sense that their progress benefits all, and understand that continuing a limiting pattern helps no one, the switch is easier to make. It is logical and practical yet reaches deeply into the heart and spirit of the client. They can begin to see how capable they are of creating a life they enjoy. This indeed seems magical for many.

Many are hesitant to do inner work because it seems silly and weird. Systemic work and constellations is a step-by-step experiential approach to transformation that is logical yet touches participants deeply. Science and inner work are closely linked, we just haven’t been shown that connection – until now. Systemic work and constellations bridges the divide between the two and shows how they’ve always belonged together.