Author: Melissa Haymes

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Breaking Generational Patterns and Learning how to Enjoy Christmas Again

Breaking Generational Patterns

Breaking Generational Patterns and Learning how to Enjoy Christmas Again

Okay, maybe you don’t celebrate Christmas or any holidays. But the holiday season can still be filled with stress, rush, overindulging, disappointment, family conflict, and stress followed by a major sigh of relief when it’s all behind us. Even our holiday movies are filled with family catastrophes before they end in happiness. This is an ancient global meta pattern. But can breaking generational patterns help us to find joy at this time of the year?       

The holidays—whether you celebrate them or not—often times are when ancestral pain and multi-generational patterns are on full display. Yet, the potential for having fun during this time of year is enormous. All you have to do is take a look at things a little differently and learn how to deal with family stress and other triggers during the holidays

The happy mindset

In the West, the holidays are designed and expected to deliver a happy mindset and miracles. In fact, it is the one time of the year when a large number of people around the world—including non-Christians—are not resistant to great things happening. For example, soldiers putting down their rifles, crossing enemy lines, and joining one another in festive celebration for the day.

Why don’t we teach ourselves to take advantage of that?  If we tune into that energy—the energy capable of remapping the brain for peace and brotherhood—creating the rewired brain, we stand a really good chance of creating a great festive season and delivering some miracles of our own.

In place of glum duty, we can consciously create benevolence, generosity, fun, and laughter. Having to go to Aunt Sally’s house for a turkey dinner can turn into an adventure. Even if you’re a vegan, you can still create a special dish everybody can enjoy. (Including you!) Now, suddenly, by expanding yourself there is a little more happiness in you and in the world. You’ve had one new thought (the special dish), you’ve also had one new feeling (excitement), as you’ve taken a new action (creating and bringing the dish). 

The secret habits of happiness

Doing little things for ourselves and others is one way we evolve our happiness quotient. It isn’t about huge steps at a time, although it can be if you choose. It can be something as simple as noticing what’s going well even in the most difficult moments.

How to find happiness within yourself is a process starting with one new thought, feeling, and action at a time. Building on that step-by-step process, you begin to create strong relationships and joy. You begin rewiring and remapping the brain—your brain. Now a continuation of your sad or disappointing life is no longer the inevitable future.

Once you take this magical journey with commitment, it becomes very clear that you are not a victim, but a co-creating master of your own life and quite capable of unleashing the miracle of a happy mindset any time of year, any time you want, for any reason you choose.

Happily excited

The miracle of the holidays is that they call for the best in all of us to show up, take action, and offer a chance to make happiness a habit, not just something that happens at a set time of year. If you choose, you can make the entire year—your entire life—a festive season where you look forward to living every day, happily excited to be on this earth, capable of anything. Even turning a dreadful holiday dinner with Aunt Sally into a feast everyone can enjoy.

How to build a happy life

Want to know how to build a happy life? One way is to treat everyday like a holiday, a holy/wholly day where you unleash your joy and embrace life fully, simply because you can.

A good way to begin is by asking yourself what’s possible and “How can I make a positive difference?” There are opportunities every single day to be kind, to smile, to listen or to offer a helping hand. Most of these actions don’t cost a penny, but they make all the difference to others, to ourselves, to our own peace of mind, and to our relationships.

The more you invest in creating your own magic, the less entangled you are in multi-generational shackles. And this festive season is the perfect time to begin writing your own new chapter.

Quick exercise:

  • What one limiting thing do you say, think, or feel about the holiday season?
  • When did that start for you?
  • What was happening in your life at the time?
  • Is that still true?
  • Does it serve you?
  • Is it time to change that story?
  • What one new thought, feeling, and action can you take to begin activating a happy mindset no matter what time of year it is?
  • Contemplate the difference that will it make to you and those around you.

Remember, your happiness quotient is truly in your own hands. And it all starts with breaking generational beliefs and patterns—no matter what sets them in motion. 

This year I want to challenge you to consciously build your happiness mindset starting with this festive season. Notice what one thing you can do to contribute to the miracle of rewiring your brain to think your way to better patterns and a happier more fulfilled life.

I look forward to showing you how to unleash your fullest potential and discover the superbeing in you.  For more information about my 2024 events click here.

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How to Move Forward in Life When you Feel Stuck

How to move forward in life when you feel stuck

How to Move Forward in Life When you Feel Stuck

Learning how to move forward in life when you feel stuck can at times feel overwhelming. Most of us don’t learn how to stop holding onto the past.  Something happened to us early in our lives that has us stuck, and we can’t move forward out of anger, fear, confusion, sadness or maybe bitterness. 

Or perhaps something happened to a family member in the past and we inherited family trauma. A high percentage of the time we have good justifications for feeling the way we do—especially if we’re dealing with ancestral pain. 

But here’s the one simple question to ask yourself about all this: “Am I really enjoying holding onto the past? Does it feel good being stuck?”

Chances are the answer is “No.” But you might feel safe in the misery because being miserable has become so familiar. And you might feel safe because you feel like you are fitting in by repeating family patterns. But none of it feels good.

Ghosts of Christmas past

Remember Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol and the miserable miser Ebenezer Scrooge? He and his family lost all their wealth in the Napoleonic Wars and he spent his lifetime regaining that lost wealth. But did he have to reject all happiness, warmth and generosity while doing so?

It took a near death experience for dear old Scrooge to realize how much life he was missing out on by carefully nursing his bitter miserliness. What is it going to take for you to stop holding onto things from the past and transform your own wounds? What is it costing you?

That person who wronged you is probably getting on just fine with their life. If you’re waiting for them to open their eyes and realize what they did to you, feel sorry about it, and apologize, you may wind up severely disappointed and embittered. You might waste many many beautiful moments and beautiful days and stewed and been angry over what is basically spilt milk—history—the past—done and over done.

It's up to you to break generational trauma

If you find yourself holding onto the past and old hurts, it’s truly worth checking to see where that originated and what unresolved pattern is waiting to be seen. Once you can see it and give it a place, you no longer need to be stuck. Maybe something happened to an ancestor that was so offensive or traumatic that it created an epigenetic imprint on your family system.

Perhaps somebody cheated your great-grandfather out of the family farm and ever since then the whole family has been suspicious, rejecting everyone who offers assistance and everything that looks like a good deal when it comes along. Maybe there are disputes over land and nobody knows why. Maybe the inherited family trauma has passed down to you and you pinch every penny until it screams, never accepting help from anyone and wonder why.

Maybe that Scrooge pattern is looking for you to finally put down the ancestral pain and allow the happiness, finances, and land ownership to build and flow again. I remember a client of mine who came in near the holidays a few years ago, complaining about “stupid Christmas” and how much he hated it. How everyone in his family just went through the motions, exchanging awful gifts and eating a dreadful Christmas meal before they all, duty done, went their separate ways.

“Pain travels through family lines,” I said. “It’s up to you to break generational trauma. You actually can choose to enjoy Christmas..”

He frowned and said, “That isn’t allowed in my family.”

“Why not?”  I asked.

He had no idea, but after talking with his father he reported that his great-grandmother had died on Christmas Eve. The family had gone through the motions to give the kids a decent Christmas that year. But after that nobody ever enjoyed Christmas again.

Recognizing the pattern of pain and duty that had been passed down through his family system, he saw that he could, indeed, break the generational cycles and change the situation. He dove into Christmas preparations with determination and no small amount of glee. “It was the best Christmas ever!” he declared with a grin at our next meeting. “I did it! Three generations of misery were finally put to rest with a celebration for the ages. I’m already making plans for next year!”

Healing ancestral trauma

We all carry emotional wounds and scars that have traveled through our family line, passed down generation to generation. The thing is, each one of us has a choice. Like Scrooge and like my client, we all have the ability to search out and identify ancestral pain patterns and then consciously move beyond them.

If you truly want to make a difference in the world, it begins with creating your own happiness. And that begins with understanding what lives in your family system and unleashing its hidden potential. When you are willing to look, things are able to change. You are the one your family system has been waiting for.

May all your dreams come true this season, may your hearts truly be merry and bright. And may you finally realize that for that to happen, you must be willing to look, and then shift. Above all, I wish you good shift this holiday season and happy adventuring in the coming new year!

To find out how to move from stuck to happy and thriving, join me at one of my events in 2024.  Our mission is to make the unconscious conscious and the invisible visible, so that you can fulfill your destiny—a happy one! 

Emotional DNA
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Using the Power of Higher Emotions to Accelerate Your Success

Higher Emotions

Using the Power of Higher Emotions to Accelerate Your Success

We all experience what I call lower-level emotions, low frequency emotions that seriously run us, and not in a good way. You know what I’m talking about. Those low vibrational emotions we have that twist our stomachs into knots and keep our thoughts buzzing in our heads like angry bees. 

They’ve been with us since we were small. In fact, both high and low emotions have been with us long before we were even aware of them. Some originated in our ancestral family members generations before us.

It’s the lower-level emotions that keep us sad and stuck, frustrated, afraid, and driven by stress hormones. And then, there are other times when life feels good. Everything flows smoothly. The trees look greener, the flowers look prettier, and we experience a general sense of wellbeing. We are living in the higher emotional states of joy and possibility. 

What causes high and low emotions?

What triggers one or the other? We quite often see that our stress hormones are activated when we are stuck in low vibrational emotions related to an old pattern. Our survival emotions kick in and we become reactive—and not in a good way.

Conversely, when we tap into our higher emotions, like joy, happiness, excitement, love and passion, the opposite happens, and we become creative. Interestingly, our positive inspirations quite often have their origins in the future. 

Visualization for success

We’re not only able to have memories of the past, but we are also quite able to create memories of the future. We call this imagining or visualizing. When we allow ourselves to really go there, visualizing a future self or doing a visualization for success, we unconsciously end up experiencing higher emotions because the imagined future creates emotional excitement inside us. And when we’re experiencing higher emotions, the elevated frequencies enable us to potently impact the quantum field. These are the times when we accomplish the incredible.

The magic of elevated emotions is that they tell the body a story it can believe that is stronger than the current limiting story that you’ve quite possibly inherited from your ancestors.

Elevated emotions provide the juice that takes you past excuses all the way to the finish line. 

Visualize your future self

When we repeatedly and vividly visualize a bright future utilizing higher emotions, we move beyond limiting ancestral patterns and voices that keep us stuck in low vibrational emotions. For example, family sayings like “You have to be practical” and “You have to be sensible” and “Don’t get on your high horse” or get “too big for your britches.”

These are all limiting ways of teaching  to switch our creative brain off and stay small within the confines of dysfunctional family patterns, which in turn allows us to belong to the family and repeat the same old dynamics. So often, when we grow up under disadvantaged circumstances, we are led to believe that this is all there is—that this is our lot in life (and usually somebody else’s fault).

Yet, if we continue to positively use imagination, visualization and higher emotions, our goals get bigger. And with each small or large success, we get bigger as we rewire our brains from limitation to possibility.

Watch talent programs

I’m always struck by those contestants on talent shows who come from harsh circumstances and how they use passion, commitment, and elevated emotions to overcome those obstacles.  Sometimes, when the contestant is asked to talk about their past, many of them crumble and go back into the sadness and struggle that has defined their origins. You can see it in their eyes and body language. The loyalty to the old system and way of being is still there. 

But then watch. It’s when they acknowledge their difficult origins without letting go of the future that the magic happens. They hold onto the positive vision of themselves, and the power of their higher emotions carries these people all the way to the winner’s circle. You can clearly see both old and new patterns at play. 

So, next time you’re tempted to stay stuck, remember that this is a choice. You can put positive emotions in play any time you want. It may take a few steps. It may even take many. But the price of staying stuck is so much harder than the work it takes to elevate yourself.   

Yes, identifying, using, and hard-wiring higher emotions takes practice. But when you make this an integral part of your own evolution, it gets easier and easier. And then it gets to be fun as you see the new changes happening!

Join me at one of my events to learn how to identify, experience and integrate your own higher emotions. To find out more, click here.

Emotional DNA
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How to Develop a Winning Mindset by Celebrating Success

How to develop a winning mindset

How to Develop a Winning Mindset by Celebrating Success

Have you noticed how few people know how to develop a winning mindset? How difficult it is for many people to even accept a compliment?

There’s a really good reason for being unable to accept compliments or acknowledge our success. Typically, this refusal to shine is tied into dysfunctional family patterns that teach us to be self-effacing and to project an odd sort of “humble” demeanor, all the while bursting inside to share all that we are.

A dysfunctional meta pattern

We’re taught growing up that above all, we’re supposed to succeed. And most of us struggle to do just that. Yet as soon as we get there, many of us attempt to hide our success. Why?

Somewhere along the line, humanity decided that being humble meant we should hide ANY signs of success. Either that or at the very least hide any sense of personal pride in our accomplishments. Instead of exuding positive money beliefs, acknowledging success, and developing a winning mindset, we focus instead on how we need to fix things and how wrong we are about this and that. We focus on how to not seem greedy or happy about having money. If that is our day-to-day perceptual lens, success is virtually impossible.

Not only does this do us a disservice, but we also effectively cover up the clues for others to follow. We stop others from learning how to be successful and happy in life through following our example.

All this is the result of a meta pattern in society that basically says, “Don’t brag.” The problem is, this mindset is what is holding you back from achieving your goals because “Don’t brag” is often misinterpreted as “Don’t celebrate success.” But If I can’t feel good about my success. If I feel ashamed of my success and good fortune, why bother trying to succeed in the first place?

Dysfunctional family patterns

Inability to acknowledge your success may feel as though it ensures you belong in your family. Playing small may be familiar and comfortable because your family system prides itself on modesty. Playing down your abilities may make you feel safe because everybody else refuses to shine. But it also equals inability for both you and your system to thrive.

When Natalie came to see me, she was conflicted. Her family stressed the importance of being nice, polite, and humble. Rich people were not to be admired or associated with. But Natalie was a successful CFO who had taken her company all the way through a successful merger, resulting in millions of dollars in her pocket. And yet nobody—even her family—knew she was a multi-millionaire because she never talked about her accomplishments. She was still driving the same old beater car and bargain hunting for clothes like she always had. 

Breaking family patterns

She was actually at the point of deciding whether to give all her money away. When I asked her why she would do this, she said belonging in her family was more important than any financial success. When I asked her whose example she was following—who she was being loyal to—she thought about it and her eyes flew wide.

“Oh my gosh, my father! He came from a family who struggled financially and had negative money beliefs—they thought it was evil. And yet he actually managed to make a fortune. But he never acknowledged his success and ended up carelessly losing it all. He retired broke!”

Natalie was carrying the same pattern of inner thoughts. By not acknowledging her success, she was staying well inside the family pattern and sowing her own seeds of destruction. Breaking the family’s pattern and showing her family how to succeed at work and how to think big hadn’t even occurred to her.   

It was only when she could see the havoc the pattern was wreaking that she could acknowledge her own success and break that family pattern and allow success to belong alongside kindness and politeness. 

Acknowledging success

So, why is the inability to acknowledge success so prevalent?  Well, some of this may originally stem from a need to stay safe.  Back in the bad old days, being super successful also meant you were at risk of being conquered by the next invader and losing everything, including your life.

But now it’s time to learn the importance of celebrating success. Acknowledging success and helping others know how to have a winning mindset and create success creates bigger opportunities for more and more people. More people breaking generational patterns of smallness, means less jealousy and envy, and more collaboration resulting in bigger resource pools and a happier world.

Acknowledging our successes, big or small, is the first step to moving our lives forward—and everyone else’s! When we can imagine the possibilities of celebrating success, teaching ourselves to acknowledge our successes and helping others do the same, we are changing the world. This is how humans grow.

 

Investing in achieving ever-greater goals and expansion, we could set centuries of old patterns of envy and greed aside and be victims no more, but masters instead, setting in motion new patterns of prosperity and possibility.

To unleash your own possibilities and discover the power of acknowledgement and expansion, grab your copy of ‘Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint’. To learn more, click here. 

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How to Achieve your Dreams and Goals in Life: Visions of What’s Possible

how to achieve your dreams and goals in life

How to Achieve Your Dreams and Goals in Life: Visions of What's Possible

 In my last blog I mentioned “ghosts” of the past showing up in our lives and discussed how to overcome limiting beliefs. And one of those ghosts I mentioned is the tendency most of us have to only see what’s wrong with us. Growing up, we’re so carefully taught to look for faults and weaknesses to correct and heal that we often don’t acknowledge and appreciate our strengths!

On top of this, we’re raised with  a limited mindset and not taught to daydream. In fact, we’re taught the exact opposite. How many of you were told to “Get your feet on the ground and your head out of the clouds” when you were young? Talk about shutting the door on any visions of what’s possible! Can you see how this could be what is holding you back from achieving your goals?

Between these two dynamics—looking for faults and not being accustomed to daydreaming—when some inspirational speaker comes along and tells us “You can do anything! Anything is possible!” we become our own worst enemies and start looking for all the reasons why everything is impossible and why they are wrong instead.

How to achieve your dreams and goals in life

Shifting your mindset for success means that you must learn to say “Yes!” to life. The difference between most people and the great successes in the world is that people who have created BIG things in the world said “Yes!” “Yes” to their ideas and dreams. “Yes” to their potential. When everybody else was shying away from taking a risk, they allowed themselves to dream large enough and passionately enough to motivate themselves to go all the way.

Their success may not have been a cakewalk, but the desire to achieve their dream was stronger than their fears and doubts. In other words, the draw to adventure (which is what a “Yes!” is), was stronger than the need to play safe and small in a limited mindset.

The thing to realize, is that many times, our excuses, limitations, and blockages are not just ours, they’re inherited patterns from our family—emotional DNA patterns passed down through the generations. Grandpa lost the family fortune speculating, and nobody has dared to risk a dime since. Mom didn’t get to fulfill her dream, so how dare I?  Playing out unconscious family patterns, it’s so easy to miss the adventure of life!

Attain the best mindset for success and dream BIG

One of the first things to do to start building your capacity to say “Yes!” is to identify any limiting thoughts, language and beliefs holding you back. Is “Caution!” a kind of family motto? Is “playing small” a dynamic you can see in other family members? Is always “Blending in and not standing out” encouraged? Be aware of these patterns and realize this might well be what is holding you back from achieving your goals

Breaking limiting beliefs is about realizing that a pattern is just a pattern. It’s not YOU. But you are the one who makes meaning of it.

How to set goals and accomplish them

So, how to get beyond the pattern? Well, the trick is to find a dream or goal inside you—a dream that is large enough to excite you, but not so large that you give up before you begin—and let that dream pull you out of old patterns and into a future that’s uniquely yours.

STEP ONE:

  • Identify a goal that is enough of a stretch that it really excites you. Write it down on a piece of paper and place it at the far end of the room facing inward. Now write down “Where I am now” on a piece of paper and place that at the other end of the room just opposite.
  • Find the place between the two pieces of paper that feels right for you and stand there.
  • Does it feel more comfortable keeping your distance from your dream/goal?
  • Notice your thoughts about your dream/goal.
  • Notice your feelings about your goal.
  • Notice which way you are pulled – closer to the dream or closer to the safety of the pattern of “I can’t” and “Where I am now.”

All the thoughts, feelings, and actions that come up will either stop you from reaching your goal or start you moving in that direction.  With each thought and feeling, notice which way it moves you. The thoughts and feelings that keep you close to “Where I am now” may be tied to inherited behaviors. In Systemic Work & Constellations, we call these the patterns that need to stop. 

The thoughts and feelings that pull you toward your goal will have you moving beyond those patterns, excited to write your own chapter in life. We call this the new pattern that is trying to start through you. The more you feed the thoughts and feelings pulling you towards your dream/goal, the closer you will get. 

STEP TWO:

  • As you’re walking between one and the other, it helps to identify resources and steps to take that will help you to accomplish your dream/goal.
  • As ideas pop into your head, like “Create a website!” or “Check out classes I can take to learn ____,” write each idea on a separate sheet of paper and place those on the floor and use them as steppingstones to your dream/goal.

As you begin to take these action steps, it is super important to celebrate when you have accomplished a steppingstone goal. That gives you a big dopamine hit to the pleasure centers of your brain that helps wire the “winner effect” into place. And it allows your body to have that delicious sense of accomplishment and happiness.

Visions of the future are only possibilities until you agree to them and say Yes!” Then, taking action, they can become your new reality. 

If you are reading this blog, you know that more is possible for you, then please join me at one of my events. To find out more, click here.

Emotional DNA
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How to Overcome Failure & Achieve Success: Releasing the Ghosts of the Past

how to overcome failure and achieve success

How to Overcome Failure and Achieve Success: Releasing the Ghosts of the Past

Many of us we have a repeating failure in some area of our life that seems to haunt us. Generational trauma patterns of failed relationships, failed businesses, failed creative endeavors, failed self-improvement. We drop the ball in one particular arena so many times, it feels almost fated. It ends up looming so much bigger than everything else in our lives.

How to break generational cycles?

One of the first things to do is realize that most of us have been raised to focus on what’s wrong. We focus on the “bad stuff” so much that even though we might be doing dozens of other things really well, we still focus on what we aren’t getting right. 

The next thing to do is notice the details. If you have such a situation going on, really pay attention to what you’re telling yourself about love and relationship, money, your body etc.  Particularly notice the language you use to describe what’s happening. Here are some negative beliefs examples: “Love is an absent bedfellow. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Fatty fatty two by four, can’t get through the bathroom door!” And quickest and sharpest of all: “Loser!”

How to release negative thoughts

You know the words circulating endlessly through your head. Write them down exactly the way you are thinking about your issue. Don’t censor yourself. Once you have that down on paper, take a highlighter and begin to mark the trigger words and sentences. And be sure to notice your feelings as you do so. What emotions come up? What do you feel in your body when these phrases are spoken? Where are those sensations? 

This is how we start the search for the ghosts from your past and start breaking generational patterns. Your systemic ghosts – those lovely little specters that make you jump and twitch and feel awful about yourself. I call them ghosts from the past because all these patterns, and the words and phrases and feelings that accompany them, might well have been picked up somewhere in your youth or even from the lives of your ancestors.

Systemic Language

Let’s look at words for a moment. In Systemic Work & Constellations, we call repeating phrases that haunt us “systemic language.” Sayings can become so ingrained in the speech patterns of family members, they often generate unconscious family belief systems. As such they often end up running the show.

For example, “Love is an absent bedfellow.” Who in your family lineage tragically lost a beloved partner? A loss they never got over, so much so that the sense of absence and loss became synonymous with love? And then that ancestor spoke those particular words so many times, over and over, they turned into a family saying, passed down generation to generation.

A haunting event

But it’s not just language patterns that haunt us. Dramatic events that occurred in our family’s past can turn into generational patterns that show up in us as well. For example, Mary was an obsessive numbers counter. If there was any sharp noise around her—a book falling from a shelf, a glass shattering on the floor—she would find herself counting. The more numbers she could count, the safer she felt. And she just couldn’t shake the habit. 

When I asked what might happen if she didn’t count after she heard a noise, she firmly replied, “Then we will all die.”  Not “Something bad will happen” or “Somebody might die.” But “We will all die.” 

Such extreme language and behavior suggested she might be ‘haunted’ by a systemic ghost of some sort. As we explored, it became apparent that it had all started with a thunderstorm. Mary remembered that from the age of 10 at the first roll of thunder in the distance, she would find herself under a table.

Her family loved to go walking just after storms had passed. It drove Mary crazy, especially if lightning could still be seen in the distance. She would find herself counting to see how far away the lightning was. The further she could count, the safer they were. If she couldn’t get to at least five, she would plead with her family to stay indoors, fearing that everybody would die. 

What was even more intriguing was that she remembered the first time she reacted this way that she was choosing to be afraid, and that somehow being afraid and counting felt “right.” When I asked about her parents and grandparents, Mary remembered that her grandmother also refused to go outside during a storm because her brother had been hit and killed by lightning. She’d told Mary this story when she was about 10 years old. She also mentioned that they did not speak about the brother who had been killed.

Now, the source of Mary’s generational beliefs and counting habit was clear and it was also pointing out an ancestor who had been excluded from the family system by ignoring his life and subsequent death. When I asked Mary what her career was, she started to laugh. “I’m a health and safety inspector,” she replied. 

Shifting generational beliefs

Mary’s fearful actions, her language, even her job, were ALL trying to point out the pattern and the exclusion—the missing member in the family. Once she recognized where the pattern that had run so much of her life had come from, she could retire the fear. Over time, she recognized she was safe when sharp noises occurred. That she could simply go indoors if there were a storm. She no longer needed to count. The generational trauma patterns that had haunted her family system could be seen, given a place, and allowed to retire. She also asked her family for a picture of the great uncle who had died early so she could remember and include him.

What are the ghosts that haunt you?  Pay attention because they contain valuable clues to what needs to stop and start in your own life. 

Want to retire the ghost of financial lack? To unleash your own possibilities and discover the power of acknowledgement and expansion, grab your copy of ‘Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint’ now. To learn more, click here

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How to Improve your Money Mindset: Elevating Your Money Mindset

Change Your Mindset

How to Improve your Money Mindset: Elevating Your Money Mindset

As I’ve already pointed out, one of the first things that you need to do to improve and change your money mindset is to start breaking family patterns and quit demonizing money or fearing it.  We are so accustomed to fearing lack or living in a state of survival that we seldom stop to invest in the joy of money and the sense of accomplishment that its presence can bring. 

Elevating your money mindset means that you cannot come from survival emotions inherited from your family system. You want to create new emotional DNA—new Money DNA—and to do that you must stop repeating ancient history. Imagine this: What new thoughts, feelings, and actions might occur for you if you were to begin thanking money and blessing it? 

How to Develop a Wealthy Mindset

One of the fastest ways to change our thoughts about money and have it become a blessing in our lives, is to start thinking about what’s possible when our scarcity money mindset has been set aside. We have to start seeing money as playing a larger role in our lives. Once we begin to realize that money is not just for survival, it becomes a little more intriguing and exciting.

Exploring our dreams and desires is a great way to get the ball rolling. Money usually plays a large role in our dreams. Right? And in the past we’ve all too often set our dreams aside because of  … yep! Lack of m-o-n-e-y. Right? So, to be able to fulfill our dreams, we must do something different. We need to be able to build positive money beliefs by imagining our dreams and setting goals to achieve them without giving in to old sabotaging thoughts and negative emotions.

You want to teach your brain to learn to play … to see your dreams without any financial blocks in the way. You want to give money a goal. You want to entice money with an adventure! That way you give money direction and somewhere to flow.

The more you show money where to flow,
the more it can grow.

Money Mindset Shift

As you imagine fulfilling your dreams, allow feelings like gratitude, excitement, commitment, and determination to flow. These are elevated emotions that support your dreams and invite change because studies show that the brain rewires more easily when thoughts are supported by strong emotions.  

And how fun is letting your imagination go play? If you invest in doing this, instead of killing your dreams with old emotional DNA patterns of lack, you start to draw money and opportunities to you in order to fulfill those dreams instead. You’re rewiring your money brain one new thought and one new feeling at a time.

The next step is to take one new action that supports your dream. It doesn’t matter how big or small the action. The point is positive action! And when you achieve that action or goal, celebrate it. That builds the winner effect in your brain. The more you do this, the more it becomes a habit. Now you are creating new money DNA!

Money Mindset Tips

There is such a thing as a millionaire mindset. And it isn’t just for the chosen few. It’s for those who choose it. It also has nothing to do with your present circumstances. It begins with imagining what’s possible here and now. 

At the same time, however, it helps to be practical. Give yourself just one stretch goal so that you can teach yourself to direct money properly. For example, open an savings account dedicated exclusively to making one dream happen. It doesn’t matter if your first deposit is $5 or $5000. The point is you acted positively on your dream and inspired money to flow.

  • Don’t ever borrow from this account. Designate it as untouchable. 
  • Notice your thoughts, feelings, and actions with every deposit that you make.
  • Notice how your mindset changes as you get closer to your goal.

It may not happen overnight, but if you start taking positive action, change will happen. New thoughts, feelings, and actions around money change everything. When the heart opens to the possibility, the brain can then go looking for opportunities, and the gut is able to kick into excitement and determination mode. 

Chances are that once this becomes a habit for you, not only will you feel more capable and secure, but a little joy and excitement are going to start creeping in. You may even find yourself opening a second account to start funding another dream!

Congratulations! You are now changing  your Money DNA future.

Emotional DNA
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How to Change Your Money Mindset & Money DNA

how to change your money mindset

How to Change Your Money Mindset & Money DNA

Why do some people have a lot of money and others do not? Why is it so effortless for some people to build wealth while others struggle from one money obstacle to the next? The simple answer is Money DNA. Your Money DNA determines whether you will or won’t, can or can’t have money.

“But it can’t be that simple!” people say incredulously. And yet it really is.

Money Mindset Blocks

You inherit patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions around money, just like you inherit patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions around other emotional DNA issues. Events involving money—financial losses, bankruptcies, sudden loss of a home or other possessions, poverty cycles, and the inability to earn more money for some reason—these events occur and trigger powerful emotional reactions to these events.

Despair, worry, guilt, remorse, depression, anxiety around money, etc. turn into language, thoughts, feelings, and actions around money that can then be passed down to future generations. This epigenetic inheritance, in turn, becomes your truth about money. This is the exact opposite effect to what happens when you build positive money beliefs.

In family systems, I often see multiple generations struggling with money issues until someone comes along who sees what they don’t like and then becomes determined to do things differently. The trick is to do this consciously. I see so many people who unconsciously break out of an inherited poverty cycle and make a lot of money, only to lose it inexplicably along the way. Stories are legion about poor people who win the lottery who are back even deeper in debt only a few years later. They briefly break out of negative money beliefs yet are pulled back into the pattern because they are unaware of them.

How to Overcome Money Blocks

Exploring money mindsets and patterns requires a willingness to look at and put down all the excuses we have about why we don’t or can’t have money.

The first part of this exploration lies in examining your limiting beliefs about money which can clearly show up in your thoughts and language about money. For example, do people in your family say things like the following: “Only people who have money make money.” Or, “Love of money is the root of all evil.” Or “You can have love or money, but not both.” Or “Money can’t buy happiness.” Or “Rich people are greedy.”

How on earth do you think you can possibly attract money with thoughts like these in your subconscious mind, running the show? How can you see and embrace wealth opportunities when they come knocking at your door?

Here’s a story from my own life that’s a perfect example.

One night, I went to a casino with a friend. She hit several jackpots playing slots. (She had a great relationship with money going!) For some reason, at one point, I found myself holding both her and my cup of coins—and on my next play I hit the jackpot! And then I realized on that particular play I’d taken three coins from her cup instead of mine by mistake.

Instead of simply replacing her coins with three coins from my cup and collecting my winnings, all my family codes and patterns about money kicked in—especially the one about being impeccably honest to a fault. I reasoned that having used coins from her cup, the jackpot, therefore, belonged to her. Despite having already won several jackpots that evening, she willingly accepted my jackpot winnings when I offered them.

Was she being greedy? Most people would think so. But in reality, she was simply totally open and willing to receive! She obviously had a good relationship with money! I, on the other hand, had so many money mindset blocks acting as a barrier that money couldn’t break through to get to me.

A Needed Money Mindset Shift

In my family, money was deeply desired yet regarded with suspicion. You also had to slog for money and really work for it. That was the mindset. Above all else, you had to be impeccably honest to a fault with it. Really unhelpful, negative money beliefs, right? 

Breaking Family Patterns

It took taking a long hard look at my relationship with money to change those family patterns. I had to realize that money was not evil and that it wasn’t hard to get and I didn’t have to slog for it. One of the biggest ahas! I had was that money isn’t really a commodity. It’s a relationship!

Money can be a friend and can, indeed, be deeply spiritual. It was only when my heart opened to money and I started treating it as a friend that I started breaking family patterns around money and money started to want to get close to me in return. Once I realized money was a relationship I could cultivate, my brain could start spotting the opportunities, and my gut could finally get excited about money and act as a strong inner compass guiding me to it!

When you show up for money and think of it kindly and treat it well, it shows up for you. Once you start to change your relationship with money you begin to change your relationship with yourself and your earning capabilities. People attending my Money DNA events find themselves with fuller pockets, happier hearts, and a sense of adventure. 

In my next blog this month, discover how to elevate your money mindset!

To unleash your own possibilities and discover the power of acknowledgement and expansion, please join me at one of my events. To find out more click here.

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How to Stop Imposter Syndrome & Become a Great Leader

How to stop imposter syndrome

How to Stop Imposter Syndrome & Become a Great Leader

As a coach dealing in executive leadership skills, I have the privilege of working with many top executives across many sectors on how to succeed as a leader. I’ve discovered that, quite frequently, executives stop short of being as great as they can be. The reasons for this differ: “I’m comfortable where I am. It’s too much responsibility to get bigger. I don’t know if I’m capable.” One of the more interesting excuses is: “If I take on a higher position, someone is going to find out I’m a fraud.” 

Imposter syndrome is real—at least in people’s minds until they finally realize the Imposter Syndrome is itself an imposter! The fear of not being enough, not being good enough, or being a fraud—despite having amazing gifts, talents and experience—plagues a surprising number of people. And this is partly because as much as entrepreneurial leadership is admired, we come from a global society that tends to frown upon standing out. Which means that even highly qualified, intelligent people run away from opportunities to excel.

And yet the very people who are paralyzed believing they’re imposters are actually pioneers!

How to be an inspiring leader

Those who dare to be big have one clear differentiator. They embody what I call Pioneer Syndrome. They may not have the answers, but are willing to find them or create them. All are willing to forge ahead where others fear to tread. They’re people with amazing gifts, talents and experience who often mistakenly believe they’re imposters because they’ve been taught to doubt themselves and believe that thinking well of themselves and having self-confidence is egocentric!

Some of the best leaders in the world started very small. Many have gotten where they’ve gotten in large part based on the soft skills they’ve been willing to build. Skills like patience, persistence, the ability to listen, good communication, empathy and imagination. Skills they’ve been able to leverage to good effect.

They moved upwards, one step at a time, even in the face of feeling uncertain and, yes, unworthy. They went for it despite their fears—just like all good pioneers do.

Interestingly, great leaders use these skills to their advantage all the time. And the wonderful thing about that is, most soft skills don’t cost anything to learn. They simply require that you pay attention and be the best version of yourself that you can be. Bob Iger, CEO of the Walt Disney Company, is a great example. He started out way low on the totem pole. But he was willing to pitch in wherever he was needed and always treated people with kindness. Something he is known for to this day. 

We often call such people visionaries and self-starters. Some, less kindly, refer to them as takers and overly ambitious. And yet the world cannot advance without somebody being willing to be big. One of the advantages of visionary leadership is the ability to inspire many people to their best “Yes!” That is the way great teams and great companies are formed. Inspired by examples of visionary leadership, people unite in a dream bigger than themselves, yet still fulfill their own dreams within the bigger goal.

How to combat imposter syndrome

Being great doesn’t mean that every person must be a CEO. But, stop and think. Given how much time you spend at work, the bigger you can be, the more passionate you feel about what you’re doing, the better you will feel about yourself. And one of the advantages of visionary leadership is you’ll also have a much greater positive impact upon the world while having nicer adventures along the way!

Here’s quick exercise. Ask yourself: “What personality trait do I have that could be turned into a superpower?” It could be your smile, your willingness to put in extra time, your resilience, or your kindness. These are not things we are generally taught to believe are important. But they are no small things! You can actually begin to build a personal brand around kindness, imagination, and persistence and other such soft skills.

Become a great leader

Stop and notice how the one person in the office that everybody goes to for assistance tends to advance. Watch how far they go. It’s not about hard skills. “Heart eats hard for breakfast.”

There are people who seem to have the humblest careers and yet somehow seem to have a lot of impact on people. They also tend to make a lot of money. I’ve watched some waitresses and waiters do this. And taxi drivers. Why do they make more than others in the same profession? They use their people skills. They’re not afraid to be big. To put themselves “out there.” To be seen. To be noticed. They’re not afraid to be themselves. They’re not afraid to care.

You want to know how to become a great leader? How to combat imposter syndrome? Leverage your heart. Your interests. Your passions. Your truest self. Being big isn’t egotistical. It grows the world and creates abundance, one courageous person at a time. 

“How big are you willing to be?” It’s up to you to find out!

To find out more about your emotional DNA and how to move from limited to being big,  join me at one of my live events.

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How to Eliminate Self Doubt: Stepping Beyond the Shadows

Eliminate self doubt

How to Eliminate Self Doubt: Stepping Beyond the Shadows

Generational patterns can run our lives and old ancestral patterns can keep us stuck in ancient  history, not moving forward. We all have them, the lovely little voices of self doubt and anxiety arising from those ancestral patterns—voices that effectively crush our best ideas and dreams. 

If you stop and pay attention to them, you will likely find that those limiting voices belong to a previous generation. Or they arise out of a prior event in your own life. You made a mistake, or you dropped the ball, or you made a bad choice and the consequences weren’t pretty. If this is the case, the worst has already happened. The event is in the past. You just haven’t brought it to a conclusion or resolved it. The voices of limiting beliefs about money, or how you aren’t loveable, or how you aren’t good enough, etcetera, keep the issue alive. It’s like the event keeps happening all over again.

How to begin to reach for your dreams

Bert Hellinger, the founder of Systemic Work & Constellations once said, “Happiness takes courage.” And he’s right! It’s so much easier to go along with the way things are than to make changes. It’s so much easier to just believe the voices rather than decide to go beyond them and reach for your dreams. 

Most of us don’t realize that sometimes all it takes to get the ball rolling towards change is a couple of simple questions. Two simple questions breaking generational patterns, taking you out of ancient history and unlocking your unconscious prison, pointing you in the direction of a very different future.

The first question is: “What more is possible here?” Once you’ve answered that question, the second is: “What do I need to change to get to what’s possible?” What do I need to add to my life in order to move towards my dream? Sometimes just asking the questions can help start you moving beyond the shadows towards the purpose waiting for you.

How to eliminate self doubt

Think of a dream that you would love to pursue—a dream plagued by those little thoughts of doubt. Ask yourself “To whom do these doubts belong?” Do they come from your family? Your workplace? Your culture? Your church? Your friends? If you can trace the voices, the words of doubt to others, what does that say?

It says your doubts aren’t really your own. You’ve simply adopted them through exposure and repetition.

If you can’t trace your doubts and negative voices to others in your immediate circle, you may well have old ancestral patterns showing up in you that have been passed down through your family lineage epigenetically. (This is what I call emotional DNA—the thoughts, words, actions, emotions, inactions, and choices of our ancestors that we inherit.)

Sometimes just the recognition that the voices aren’t ours can make all the difference and begin to free us up!

Get clear about where you stand

Sometimes what causes self-doubt is your uncertainty as to where you stand when it comes to your dreams. A simple exercise can show you where you are right now and if old ancestral patterns are standing in your way.

Take two pieces of paper. On the first sheet write down your dream. On the other, write down your doubt(s). Place them at opposite ends of the room. Now, go stand somewhere between the two pieces of paper. Just feel where you want to be. In the middle? Closer to one piece of paper than the other? Notice where you are drawn. 

If you find yourself wanting to stand closer to your doubts, you are likely caught in some sort of systemic trance stemming from your family, career, or cultural system. The voices of doubt that come from that source can sound awfully loud and pull very strongly. 

If you find yourself moving closer to your dream, notice what’s pulling you in that direction. Is there a whispering voice of inspiration in your head? Is your heart pulling you to express yourself? Is your gut telling you to go that way? Wonderful! Listen to them!

If you find yourself stuck midway, ask yourself what is needed to move towards your dream. As you identify an idea or a resource, write it down on a separate piece of paper and place it on the pathway nearer your dream. Keep  asking yourself “What is it I desire to experience?” Then wait for another idea. Write it down and add it to the “dream” side. Keep doing this until you’ve got enough weight—enough incentive—to pull you all the way to your dream.

Now, follow up on your ideas. When you do this once and experience a dream come true despite all those doubts, you will know how to move beyond other doubts and then you are well on your way to living the life that belongs only to you.

To find out more about your emotional DNA and how to make stretching towards your dreams a part of your daily life, join me at one of my live events.