Can You Inherit Your Happiness Quotient?

Can You Inherit Your Happiness Quotient (HQ)?

The short answer is yes. Children of happy parents have a much higher chance of being happy themselves. Conversely, children who watch their parents suffer may also suffer. However, some are lucky enough to realize that they want something better. When that switch occurs, they are rewiring their observed patterns of thoughts, feelings and actions in the family system and setting something completely different into motion. In all cases, the children have their parents to thank for their HQ.

It is important to understand that we are not sentenced to the same prisons as those who came before us. That realization alone is enough to spark an entirely different set of patterns in the family system.

Many cultures are centered around strict codes of conduct where members feel like the only way to belong is to adhere to all the rules. Such rules, when blindly followed can bring about unhappiness and a limited sense of self. Freedom is often obtained when they step outside of the prescribed codes. They realize that their limitations are inherited mindsets, not realities.

In systemic work, using constellations, limiting patterns are quickly revealed along with their origins and impacts. Often clients have a keen sense of which pattern needs to stop. This shows up in their frustrations and sadness. The patterns that are trying to emerge in this system are frequently expressed in the client’s desires and dreams.

Hellinger says, “Happiness takes courage”. What he means is that blindly following a set of multigenerational rules or patterns can keep us stuck and small. Sometimes it requires the courage to start a new way of thinking, feeling and being in order to grow. Imagine that. Our happiness is created by our own conscious thoughts, feelings, and actions. When we do so, we quite literally begin to rewire our brains. Now the systemic pattern is no longer our predictable future. We are in fact, changing our lives and destiny.

Take 5 minutes to write down your biggest sadness, frustration, or limitation. Now take another 5 minutes to write down your biggest dream and desire from that same area. Ask yourself what would stop you from following your dreams and desires. Chances are those answers are the patterns that echo in your system. Finally, ask yourself if your desire for happiness is strong enough to pull you past all the excuses that keep you stuck.

If your answer is no, you are probably entangled in a systemic trance that is stronger than your desire to move. A systemic trance occurs when you blindly repeat a pattern in the family knowing that it won’t bring you happiness, yet it feels so familiar that you can’t resist.

When you stop making excuses for the way things are you will find yourself able to move and become invested in your happiness and future. Now you can build your HQ. Systemic work and constellations teaches you how to move out of the trance and into freedom and happiness.

October 1, 2021August 9, 2021

The Ghosts of Generations Past

Check out our new event schedule. Emotional DNA is now available online in October. Join our Emotional DNA and Money DNA events as a package.

The Ghosts of Generations Past

How many of you have been to a haunted house? Are you aware that many of us carry generations of haunting ghosts within us? These inner ghosts can be just as scary as the ones we see at Halloween. Only these are with us throughout the year, scaring us every time we try to do something different!

Leaders are often haunted by the ones who came before them and the fear of repeating or meeting the same fate. Only when they can see the hidden ghosts and patterns can they escape them and choose a different path. Of course, they have to look at them first to be able to move.

At our Leadership and Organizational DNA events we take a look at the hidden patterns that sabotage companies and their leadership. Once those ghosts are seen, the patterns can be reframed, and old haunting patterns can retire. Join us in exploring what is haunting you or your organization. Finally, lay old ghosts to rest!

September 15, 2021September 9, 2021

Traumatic or Transformational DNA. Which are you growing?

Traumatic or Transformational DNA. Which are you growing?

All of us have had a stomach-churning event where things went badly. We can usually recall it vividly. In fact, just thinking about it has us sweating or shaking. Think about one such experience of your own.

It probably felt traumatic, and chances are it made you more cautious. Maybe you told yourself you weren’t good enough, smart enough, fast enough. Perhaps it even taught you a lesson. If so, did it teach you a good one? One you could learn from and flip into a strength?

The things you tell yourself or feel about that event, did they grow you in a way that makes you happy? Were you traumatized or transformed? And how has that affected your life?

I often ask clients who share a traumatic event what was happening in their lives at the time. We explore how they felt, what they told themselves about the event, and what they made it mean about themselves and others.

I also ask if something similar ever happened to someone else in their family. Did they inherit some of those same beliefs and thoughts from a prior generation? Did that incident perhaps illuminate a repeating cycle or pattern in their family or organizational system? Could they use this event to think differently and move beyond current limitations? Sometimes superpowers emerge from what was once a limiting pattern.

For example, two people have a car accident that alters their physical capability. One is devastated, the other is inspired to use the event as a springboard to a greater life. Each focused differently. One built traumatic pathways that debilitated them and the other embraced transformational pathways that elevated them. Same event two different outcomes.

We often avoid exploring these pivotal moments. We sweep them under the rug or push them away as fast as we can. Perhaps we even feel destroyed and give up. We see them as catastrophes instead of portals to possibility.

Often what keeps us from looking at the gift in these events is the activation of our Emotional DNA, the patterns of thoughts feelings and actions that we inherit from prior generations. What we are thinking and feeling in the moment may actually be inherited. We unconsciously repeat history and think it’s our present, when in fact it may not even belong to us.

Once we can identify our limiting view of what has happened, we can then pivot to a more expansive view of what is possible. Now we are no longer trapped in a cycle.

When we key into those moments and fully take them in, we often find a sense of purpose, courage, or depth we never knew we had. They take us from a fate to a destiny.

The most important thing to recognize is that whatever you tell yourself and believe will take you in the direction of trauma or transformation.

You are the genie in your own lamp. What you tell yourself and believe will create your heartache or your wings. When that next significant event occurs, and it will, ask yourself which you will choose.

September 15, 2021August 24, 2021

Demystifying Systemic Work and Constellations

Demystifying Systemic Work and Constellations

For a lot of people, systemic work and constellations seem magical, out there and woo-woo. It isn’t. For those who have never experienced this work, a brief description is in order. Systemic work is a framework of orders and principals that govern all living systems. The constellations process uses this systemic framework to guide an interactive exploration of the language, thoughts, feelings, and actions that are unique to each client’s system. It illuminates their system in 3-D, enabling them to navigate issues in a space where they can literally see, feel, touch, and test both the limitations and possibilities of their given situation.

Systemic facilitators know how to apply this framework to a stated issue and dimensionalize it using either animate or inanimate representatives for each relevant part of said issue equipping the client to interactively explore the issue to understand where and how they are stuck and where and how the possibility for change lies. While it appears facilitators have some deep inside knowledge of an invisible field that most of us can’t access, increasing numbers of coaches, therapists, HR professionals, and leaders are discovering that, with training, anyone can see and understand how to work with this field.

This work is in fact rooted in well studied epigenetics and neuroscience showing us that we inherit patterns and that our brain is perfectly capable of changing those patterns for the better. You CAN reframe and rewire thoughts, feelings and actions resulting from limiting generational patterns that have been passed down to you.

When you engage multiple senses, more and different insights are possible. What seems like a disaster in one generation seeks to become a differentiator and a strength in another. For example, people who have struggled with financial disasters and consistently have a negative thoughts, feelings and actions around money can create a family system where money is a struggle. All it takes is one family member to see that pattern and decide to think, feel and act differently around money for the pattern in the system to change.

In systemic work, these thoughts, feelings, and actions play a crucial role in identifying and changing limiting patterns. A good systemic facilitator knows how to spot the patterns in a family or organization and identify obstacles and limitations, as well as new patterns that are trying to emerge. Often an obstacle in a system is simply a pattern that has outlived its usefulness. It is also a strong clue to what wants to change. When you can look at what you would rather have, that is a strong clue as to what is trying to emerge.

Combining the systemic framework with a constellation, results in embodied practical transformation. The client is able to see the pattern, understand its effects, and respond to their own desire for something better. And when they can see and sense that their progress benefits all, and understand that continuing a limiting pattern helps no one, the switch is easier to make. It is logical and practical yet reaches deeply into the heart and spirit of the client. They can begin to see how capable they are of creating a life they enjoy. This indeed seems magical for many.

Many are hesitant to do inner work because it seems silly and weird. Systemic work and constellations is a step-by-step experiential approach to transformation that is logical yet touches participants deeply. Science and inner work are closely linked, we just haven’t been shown that connection – until now. Systemic work and constellations bridges the divide between the two and shows how they’ve always belonged together.

September 1, 2021August 9, 2021

Changing Seasons, Changing Patterns

Check out our new event schedule. Emotional DNA is now available online in October. Join our Emotional DNA and Money DNA events as a package.

Changing Seasons, Changing Patterns

One of the hallmarks of systemic work and constellations is changing patterns from ‘what is’ to ‘what’s possible’. In the month of September, we begin to look at change; change of seasons and change of focus. At this point organizations begin to focus on the upcoming year; what needs to change and what needs to stay the same. In our own lives, we are putting away the summer clothes that no longer serve us and looking to what we need to stay a little warmer.

During this time of change, it is a good idea to reflect on current money patterns in our lives to determine ways of reshaping what isn’t working and improving on what is. Change doesn’t have to be hard. In fact, some of the most lasting changes occur when we are in a space that allows for learning, relaxation and fun to drive the lessons home.

Join us in for our Money DNA event in October at Disney World. Learn to transform limiting financial mindsets into empowering money patterns. We look forward to seeing you there!

August 23, 2021August 12, 2021

Moving Beyond Stuck

Moving Beyond “Stuck”

From a systemic point of view, “stuck” is a good place to be. It is an indicator of something that wants to change or become something more, through you. “Stuck” is what we often refer to when we are unconsciously loyal to an old pattern that may be multigenerational. And, often, it is oh so easy to keep repeating because it is in our system. It is part of what we call your Emotional DNA – your patterns of thoughts, feelings, and actions. These are often inherited from a prior generation.

The good news is once you see them and identify them, the exciting piece begins. Now you are looking for the new pattern that is trying to emerge through you. Old patterns are often identifiable in your frustrations or apparent limitations. Whereas new patterns often sit in your desires, wishes and dreams. The trick is to build enough desire for the new want to achieve it. It has got to be so exciting that you cannot wait to attain it, because that will pull you beyond all your excuses and reasons for not moving.

Let’s talk about the ways you keep yourself stuck:

It’s too much work
It’s too hard
That is just the way I am
That’s how it is in my family
I don’t want to be greedy

All fine reasons to keep yourself stuck. But make your “want” strong enough and watch yourself move:

I really need that vacation
I want that new home
I want to feel safe, secure, and loved
I want to understand what it is like to achieve a dream

It all sounds simple, and it is. Here is a quick exercise that will help you get from one to the other:

Write down something that is keeping you stuck
Now, write down what you tell yourself about that
Notice how you feel about that
Write down the actions or inactions that keep you stuck
Write down who (mom, dad, my past) may be keeping you stuck
Now, ask yourself what you really, really want
Test if that “want” is strong enough to move you beyond being “stuck”
What one new thought will keep you moving in the direction of your desire
Write one new feeling will keep you motivated to keep moving
Write one new action will let you know that you are on your way? (Hint: It doesn’t have to be earth shattering. Sometimes, walking around the block is plenty.)

What you are doing when you undertake this seemingly simple journey is you are changing your possibilities, your future, and your life. Not to mention, rewiring your Emotional DNA. You are also activating your “figure it out” gene, which in turn creates the habit of manifesting what you want.

Challenge yourself to do one thing over the next 10 days that will take you beyond what you think your limitations are and watch how “stuck” disappears!

August 15, 2021August 9, 2021

Systemic Coaching for Next Level Performance

Like most of you I have been watching the Olympics for the past couple of weeks. This time with even more interest than usual as I have watched athletes crumble and cite the need to attend to their mental health.

They describe the inner voices that knock them off course. In systemic work and constellations, we notice that these ‘systemic sentences’ may originate in a prior event in their lives or a multigenerational pattern generated by an event and the decisions made about those event. They can cascade through the generations echoing through the current member of a family system and can knock them off course right at the point of success. Let me explain.

Let’s look at the athletes. They speak a lot of the voices of doubt, unworthiness, fear. It shakes them to their core but where did they come from? As a systemic coach we listen carefully to the words a client uses, we ask about feelings and where they are in the body and enquire about limiting or repetitive actions. And then we ask: “Did anything like this ever happen to anyone else in your family?”

Physical DNA isn’t the only thing we inherit. We also inherit patterns of throughs, feelings, and actions. They buzz around in our subconscious just waiting to surface and pounce when we least expect them. They can announce themselves loudly at moments of stress but there’s good news.

These inner sentences when well explored are offering the step beyond the limiting pattern. Well-worked they can be transformed and rewired consciously turning a struggle into a mighty strength.

Limiting inner sentences like: “I’m not worthy/capable/allowed” can be transformed into “I’ve earned this”, “I’m capable”, “This is my gift to the world,” “When I win I pave the way for others”. The first set of words are the old limiting and sometimes multigenerational pattern waiting to be set down. The second set explores the future and the pattern that’s trying to emerge through us when we consciously explore our thoughts and feelings and embody a new mindset in a way that moves us in a deep and elevating way.

Now inner critics can be shaped to become inner champions.

We are all Olympic athletes in a sense. All capable of great things, once we know how to go looking. All shaken by twisties, and inner voices. But on the other side of those inner critics lie the wings that also elevate us.

Here’s to the inner champions in all of us.

August 1, 2021August 9, 2021

Back to School for Everybody – You Included!

Check out our new event schedule. Emotional DNA is now available online in October. Join our Emotional DNA and Money DNA events as a package.

Back to School for Everybody - You Included!

You’re never too old to learn how to succeed. And the area of money is no exception. Just
because you are struggling now, it doesn’t mean that’s the way it has to be. Are you having
difficulties paying bills? Are you unable to go on any vacation, let alone a dream vacation?
Does money feel like an area of failure for you?

What are you telling yourself about money? When did you start telling yourself that? Where
did your thoughts, feelings and actions about money come from? Did your parents think, feel
and act the same way? In other words, is this your money pattern or did it originate
somewhere else?

You sell yourself a point of view about money and if you buy into that, it will become your new
truth. Buyer beware! This is exactly the right time in your life to choose how money will show
up in your world.

At our interactive Money DNA event at Disney World this October, we will show you where
your Money DNA comes from, what your money bandwidth is and how to move beyond its
limitations. In the parks, you will get to see how one man overcame his limiting Money DNA to
create an entire world.

July 29, 2021July 29, 2021

What Emotional DNA will you pass on to future generations?

Epigenetically speaking, the impact of decisions made about events or the events themselves can create an emotional imprint on a family system that lasts beyond the original member impacted. For example, studies show that how people handled the Great Depression echoes in the ways that their children and grandchildren handle adversity. Some descendants tend to overstock their shelves, mimicking the scarcity of resources experienced by their ancestors. Others seek out financial advice to ensure financial security.

Two things are important about Emotional DNA inheritance:

1) Your inheritance colors who you are and how you act or react until you become
aware of it.

2) Once you are aware of your inheritance, you have the ability and choice to change it.

Clear decisions, when reinforced, become ingrained mindsets and patterns that you then pass down to your children and theirs. All too often we create it reactively and unconsciously and use it to limit ourselves and those who come after us. We are seldom taught that we can use our decision-making capabilities to create strengths that we can then mindfully pass down to future generations. The choice lies with you. Are you creating a chain of capability or a weight of suffering? Don’t forget, it is your mindset (thoughts, feelings and actions) that creates your reality. Once you start to exercise that muscle consciously, you are no longer at the mercy of a whimsical universe or family system, but instead a co-creator of an environment where possibility exists. Even under the direct circumstances, a single thought, feeling and action can ignite a life that you never imagined possible.

We see examples of this all the time. People get hit by a dreadful event that points them into a new directions and purpose. If you have been hit by a tragedy in your life, ask yourself one simple question – How can I use this event meaningfully to grow? Successful and happy people don’t come around once in a blue moon. They are not the lucky ones. They are the ones who simply chose something different and invested in it. When you can look at your life as it is and think one new thought, feeling and action, you are on your way
to creating a better life for yourself and for those who come after. What impact are you creating for the generations that come after you?

July 1, 2021August 9, 2021

Apple Pie & Summer Sky

Check out our new event schedule. Emotional DNA is now available online in October. Join our Emotional DNA and Money DNA events as a package.

Apple Pie & Summer Sky

Money is a great place marker for all sorts of things; love, safety and power to name a few. The way it shows up for you is highly dependent on what you say to yourself about it. Your thoughts, feelings and actions around money are rooted in the thoughts, feelings and actions of your ancestors.

How did your ancestors handle money? What did they say about it? What were the unspoken rules about it? What do you tell yourself about money? Does it grow on trees? Is it only for the chosen few? Does it come and go? Do you have to work hard to earn it? Is there never enough?

We have made these thoughts, feelings and actions our own, but they often don’t belong to us.

Many of these sayings originated with our ancestors and have been passed down through the generations via our Emotional DNA.

At our Money DNA event, we are going to take a deep dive into your Money DNA, at the most magical place on Earth – DISNEY WORLD! If anyone knew how to reshape their Money DNA, it was Walt and it wasn’t always easy for him either. After each day’s coursework, you will take what you’ve learned into the parks. You will see examples of Walt’s Money DNA and ground what you’ve learned in play.

Walt overcame the limiting Money DNA that plagued his family to build one of the most spectacular places on Earth. What will you do when you overcome yours?

Join us at Money DNA Event at Walt Disney in Florida!